befuddled11 Posted January 27, 2004 Posted January 27, 2004 Come on now, put 2 and 2 together. He's asking you these stupid questions, using a 3rd party in reference to them, because he's trying to avoid coming right out and asking you (and potentially being sued with sexual harassment) "do ya wanna f*ck around with me?" Why are you even bothering to waste your time asking these questions? Surely you're not that naive. Who cares what he asks or what he thinks or any of that. You're married. Why don't you get up from your chair, step away from the computer, and go spend some quality time with the man you walked down the aisle with. Crap, you've only been married for 3 measly years. Of COURSE your marriage is slowly failing.....if your fixation with this predatorial boss is all that flops your mop. God, some women.
jester Posted January 27, 2004 Posted January 27, 2004 No married guy asks another married woman a hypothetical question about with whom she would want to have an affair, without himself being interested in an affair with her. An affair hypo is a safe way for a man to show the woman his sexual interest in her. If she picks up the cue, and reciprocates, he's golden. If she's not interested, all she need do is blow off the hypo. The question is rejected, not him. It's adroit use of indirect communication as a seduction technique. It's marketing. It sounds as if you and Doc have penetrated each other's intimacy buffer zones. I hope you're wearing a parachute, Dental, because I predict the fall will be long, hard and painful.
LoveDeluxe Posted January 27, 2004 Posted January 27, 2004 Not to sound crass, but do you ENJOY his attention? Why then would you analyze his motives? The fact is that HE IS MARRIED AND YOU ARE MARRIED. What I would do is to make it clear to him that you are not going to cheat on your husband, send those signs, and also send the signs to him that his behavior can be construed as sexual harassment. If you are no longer in love with your husband, please leave him instead of getting involved with ANOTHER married person. It would just get really ugly if you start something with him, 1. he is your employer, I personally don't think people who work together should get involved, and 2. YOU ARE MARRIED, PERIOD!
Author DENTALASSISTANT Posted January 27, 2004 Author Posted January 27, 2004 I understand all that...you don't have to be mean or demeening in your comments. I have NEVER been in this type of situation so I want to be certain that I am handling it correctly.. thats all...nothing more..nothing less...the only one that seems to understand is Jester.
befuddled11 Posted January 27, 2004 Posted January 27, 2004 Don't you think your poor husband would find all this mean and demeaning if he knew that his new bride (3 yrs of marriage is not a very long time) was online, admitting to being in love with her slimy married boss, and so obviously enjoying all the attention that she's getting? Let's be honest here....you're not here trying to find out if you're handling this correctly....instead, you're lapping up the attention of this putrid piglet. If you WANTED to handle this correctly, you would be finding another job. You would not be posting your "love" for this dog, you would not be taking phonecalls from him on the weekends, you would not be keeping track of which weekends he's phoning you and which ones he doesn't. Do you really appreciate the attention of a man who's got the scruples of a toenail clipping? He goes home to his wife each night....they are having sex and trying to make a baby......yet with you, he's being piggish and crude and subtly suggestive and out of line and you're eating it right up. Again, I think you're being mean and demeaning to your husband...who likely naively believes that his wife knows about "boundaries" and would have the respect for him to put any man in his place, who would try to initiate a fling with her. I feel very sorry for your husband. Before long, he'll likely be posting on a forum like this, writing a very familiar post about "I've only been married for 3 years and I suspect my wife is carrying on with her boss, and I'm devastated" ....etc.
moimeme Posted January 27, 2004 Posted January 27, 2004 This discussion is starting to remind me of one school acquaintance. She regularly got perfectly fine marks, but after every exam and paper, she'd ask every single one of her friends over and over 'do you think I did well?' 'what if I blew it' and on and on and ON. She only wanted people to tell her over and over again what she knew already. Yes, da. He wants to have an affair. With YOU. And if you want to do it (because you keep asking the 'does he really like me' questions; these are not 'just want to know what to do' ones), then divorce first, please.
jester Posted January 27, 2004 Posted January 27, 2004 Ok, everyone take a deep breath. Dental, what do you want from us? From your posts and PMs, I conclude that you're smart, experienced and sophisticated. I also believe you're ambivalent about this thing going any farther. I suspect you are emotionally involved with your boss, and he with you. If you have an affair, you'll have weeks of pleasure, years of agony. Your life will change. I suspect that you are bored with your husband. Am I correct? If you no longer love him, just get out and start over. Don't use an affair, with potential catastrophic consequences on 4 married people and co-workers, as your ticket out. Leave him if you must, but don't trigger a marital holocaust. Think about it.
Author DENTALASSISTANT Posted January 29, 2004 Author Posted January 29, 2004 I just have to talk about my day..today I come back from lunch and walk into the bathroom (private bathroom for the co-workers) I didn't shut the door, I was just going into brush my teeth..so there I am and here he comes and comes in and starts grabbing at me trying to tickle me while I am trying to brush my teeth...then in comes one of our co-workers in the back door and is like what is going on here....great..just great...I just don't know.,.......haaa!
meanon Posted January 29, 2004 Posted January 29, 2004 I'm not sure from your post what your reaction was to this development. I'm assuming shock so tell me if I'm wrong. Please take control of this situation. I know from your other posts that your marriage is not great so you may be tempted but I also sense a deep ambivalence to starting an affair. Please do not allow your vulnerabilities to be exploited. Tell him to stop. Get the name of a good lawyer in case you need one. Tell the coworker you suspected he may hit on you and that you want it to stop. It may feel like an easy way of exiting your marriage (almost the do nothing option in that he makes all the choices for you) but it will be much harder on everyone in the long run. Do post again if you need to (or PM if you feel unable to).
Author DENTALASSISTANT Posted January 29, 2004 Author Posted January 29, 2004 I know.....I was shocked by the bathroom thing today..I understand what you are saying...its like he is always looking for a opportunity to touch me...at least in a joking manner.
jester Posted January 29, 2004 Posted January 29, 2004 Dental, you're about 85-90% on the way to a sexual fling with Dr. Tickle. Honestly, you can't really be "shocked" by his bathroom break with you after we told you the MM was ready to play his hand. For some reason, married men, when bosses, start horse playing with their target OW-employees. It's all about dominance, arousal and control. Well, you've been warned to death. I guess you can periodically report from the extramarital relationship front lines. At least, then, we can observe the trajectory of this affair, and the collateral damage.
Author DENTALASSISTANT Posted January 29, 2004 Author Posted January 29, 2004 Hi Jester. I am not going to have an affair with him..I just couldn't believe he would actually do that in the bathroom today when all the employees are there??? You are right...I can see what is happening..I am a little scared to see what is going to happen next..is there some kind of pattern?
Author DENTALASSISTANT Posted January 29, 2004 Author Posted January 29, 2004 Hi Jester. I am not going to have an affair with him..I just couldn't believe he would actually do that in the bathroom today when all the employees are there??? You are right...I can see what is happening..I am a little scared to see what is going to happen next..is there some kind of pattern?
jester Posted January 29, 2004 Posted January 29, 2004 Yeah, Dental, there is a pattern. He'll continue to confide in you and get you to confide in him, he'll spice his conversation with you with sexual innuendo , he'll continue to touch you in a teasing horse play fashion. Make no mistake, this guy has you in his sights and is ready to pull the trigger. You must assume the witnessed bathroom encounter is now public knowledge. You may use the discovery to your advantage. I would go to him and say you value your marriage and reputation more than anything else, and that people in the office suspect you and him have a relationship. That's unacceptable as far as you're concerned and you will go to any lengths to protect your marriage and reputation. Tell him to stop. Say this in a firm but polite manner. I would keep a diary from that day forward. If he persists, you might have a claim for sex discrimination depending upon how many employees he has. I believe you, Dental, when you tell us that you do not want an affair. Now, go tell him.
Author DENTALASSISTANT Posted February 13, 2004 Author Posted February 13, 2004 Ok, here is a update....there hasn't been anymore bathroom episodes, but there has been the same amount of phone calls and cutesee smiles and occasional touching here and there...so I am not sure what he is thinking now, but I do know he calls at least 5 times a week even right after I pull out of the parking lot at work..he doesn't really want anything, just to talk..so what do you think now?
SoleMate Posted February 13, 2004 Posted February 13, 2004 he doesn't really want anything, just to talk..so what do you think now? I am shocked by how naive you are. And as jester says, you have been warned and advised, repeatedly and clearly. And you still don't get it. And I also think you will never tell your husband what you have told us. 'Cause he'd say it has to stop. With all due respect, I will be purposely avoiding your future posts, because even by LS standards, you are just stuck in a loop of your own choosing.
cdn Posted February 13, 2004 Posted February 13, 2004 what do you think now? Seems to me that everyone here has told you exactly what is going on. And, even if they hadn't, it's pretty hard to believe you can't figure it out fro yourself at this point. So the only remaining question is why you keep posting about it.
befuddled11 Posted February 14, 2004 Posted February 14, 2004 Originally posted by SoleMate he doesn't really want anything, just to talk..so what do you think now? I am shocked by how naive you are. And as jester says, you have been warned and advised, repeatedly and clearly. And you still don't get it. Reminds me of the junior high ditzy chick. Hard to believe that someone who made it through school to become a dental assistant could be this stunned. Of course she's never bothered to address how her marriage is, or even mention her poor husband. What a waste of time this thread is. I'm done like you, SoleMate.
bryanp Posted February 14, 2004 Posted February 14, 2004 Hello, I have a quick question. How would you feel if your husband was engaging in the same activities that you have been doing with his female boss? I am sure you would be thrilled that she calls and flirts with him non stop and she asks him who he would have an affair with. It does seem that you are getting off on this. You are continuing to disrespect your husband. Here is a novel thought: Why don't you tell him that you are happily married and that it is inappropriate and disrespectful to your husband and your marriage to continue in this manner. I would think it will be a matter of time before your husband gets disgusted with your seemingly condoning attitude of these activities of your boss. Open your eyes before you push your husband away completely. The fact that your boss is now tickling you in the bathroom would have made most husbands demand you quite your job. The more you continue this the more you are sending to your husband the message that your job and boss are more important than he is and your marriage. What goes around comes around. In the long run you just might be pushing your husband to look for someone who respects him more than you do. Think about it. I wish you luck because you will need it.
Author DENTALASSISTANT Posted February 17, 2004 Author Posted February 17, 2004 I know you all think I have lost my mind and I think I have. My boss left Friday for a business trip for a week and a co-worker who has been there forever just went up to give him a hug goodbye, real short and sweet and I got pissed off..why..what is going on..I was so mad that when he wanted to say goodbye I was short with him and got in my car but then of course he called me on my cell a few minutes later..but what is this..what is happening....
jester Posted February 17, 2004 Posted February 17, 2004 At a minimum you're infatuated with this man. Seeing a co-worker hug him threw you into a jealous spiral. Although unclear from your post, I suspect the good-bye hug was chaste--especially coming from a long-time emloyee. But one never knows. Early in relationships, proprietary feelings are most intense. I suspect that you have laid an emotional "claim" on this man, and you resent any claim-jumping female co-employees. You, my dear, are attached to your married boss. Now, what do you do?
Author DENTALASSISTANT Posted February 17, 2004 Author Posted February 17, 2004 what does chaste mean? I don't know what to do, I couldn't believe I reacted that way..I am mad at myself, he will do the same thing..he'll ask who I went the movies with or something and I will say my husband he replies by going oh... like he is disappointed or something...what do I do?
Author DENTALASSISTANT Posted February 17, 2004 Author Posted February 17, 2004 I think he knew I was bothered by it, that is why he called right after we both left or he just wanted to talk to me some more before his flight, do you agree?
jester Posted February 17, 2004 Posted February 17, 2004 Chaste means an innocent hug: no sexual effect sought or intended. The strength of your reaction to a fairly innocent gesture communicates volumes about your intense feelings for this man. Emotionally, I'd say the affair has already started. Strap yourself in, the roller coaster ride has started.
Author DENTALASSISTANT Posted February 17, 2004 Author Posted February 17, 2004 is that why he called me so quickly
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