iv.leaf.klover Posted May 15, 2010 Posted May 15, 2010 I have been seeing this really great guy, he's easily become my best friend, and lover. I do admit I get jealous, and paranoid sometimes because he has SO many friends of the same sex - although most of them I'm 100% ok with now, but I still get paranoid sometimes - we are working on this (I am). He also has an ex which he has a child with so he has to see her. Basically they didn't work out because they just couldn't stay together for what ever reason - it's really not my business. He tells me that when he has gone to see his son sometimes she comes onto him, and he feels uncomfortable. But I trust that he hasn't done anything with her... Well recently she FB friended me, and we were talking and she wanted to get to know me NOT knowing that me and her ex were dating. I had him let her know so that she could then make a better decision on whether or not she wanted to be friends with me still, she messaged me telling me that she didn't want to go there right now because she couldn't handle it emotionally because she still loved him, I respected her wishes and told her that if she changed her mind it would be cool (My thought was because if me and him got serious I thought it would be better to all get along instead of having it be weird... sigh). Anyway recently she decided that she DID in fact want to get to know me, and we planned to have lunch - we agreed that we would NOT talk about "Him" and we would just enjoy our time together and get to know each other. Well, turns out the entire time she wanted to tell me all about his dirty past (which he already told me, and I was fine with.) it didn't stop there - It seems like she was TRYING to get me to hate him, anyways it ended with her telling me that when they are together HE comes on to her, and that HE can't keep his hands off of her while visiting their son... I'm confused... I trust him when he says he's not interested, and I think she really was trying to get me to hate him because SHE still loves him very deeply. I guess I'm wondering what I do now, do I ask to go with on visits to see his son, or do I just trust him? I need some fresh eyes and perspectives on this one. We are going to talk tonight about everything because I was VERY emotional after talking with her... I seriously don't think I can be friends with this woman anymore, I think she would try to find ways to get between us and I feel too deeply for him to just let that happen. What are my options here? Are there any signs to tell if he does in fact do as she says he does, or do I just have to take him at his word and let him visit his son with out me even though now I'm going to wonder the entire time. Also he's pretty upset with her over this - he told me not to try to be friends with her because she has done this to him in the past, but I was trying to be a better person... He doesn't talk about her in an affectionate way other than she's the mother of his son, so I really do think I can believe him but I'm still not sure - How do I figure this out? Also thank you for any advice you can give me.
D-Lish Posted May 15, 2010 Posted May 15, 2010 It's really hard to know who is lying in this situation because this is so new. Besides his relationship with his ex, do you know of any indiscretions in his past? You don't need to be friends with this girl. It's not healthy. I would ask- what does your gut tell you? What did your instincts say when you met this girl?
Author iv.leaf.klover Posted May 15, 2010 Author Posted May 15, 2010 My gut was telling me that she's still very much in love with him, but pissed with him. I really feel like she possibly puts him into situations where she can put the moves on him. I truly feel this way, but I also feel like I might be naive? It's really hard to say. I mean would it be un-cool for me to go along for visits? Is that a NO NO for me to suggest?
D-Lish Posted May 15, 2010 Posted May 15, 2010 My gut was telling me that she's still very much in love with him, but pissed with him. I really feel like she possibly puts him into situations where she can put the moves on him. I truly feel this way, but I also feel like I might be naive? It's really hard to say. I mean would it be un-cool for me to go along for visits? Is that a NO NO for me to suggest? You only have your instincts to go on at this point. What about him? Do you trust HIM? What does he think about going on visits at this point?
hopesndreams Posted May 15, 2010 Posted May 15, 2010 I mean would it be un-cool for me to go along for visits? Is that a NO NO for me to suggest? Go along for the visits. It's not a no no. But, what does the visit entail? Is he in her home having tea and biscuits? Or, does he just pick up the child and leave to go somewhere else? Did you know him while he was still together with her? Basically they didn't work out because they just couldn't stay together for what ever reason - it's really not my business. How isn't it your business?
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