Is it mentally okay to have a big crush on someone unattainable?

[EyeAlone]

So is it okay? There's a guy I like and there's no way in the world that I'll ever be in a relationship with him (long story). But I really wrap my mind around around him and imagine being with him. I have this whole fantasy revolved around him. I don't let it rule my life, but it's something I like to think about often. Is this weird, or worse, unhealthy? So far it's really helped me get over my ex boyfriend.

[carhill]

IMO, having a harmless crush is far healthier than 'going crazy' and plowing through all the male associates at work, as an example. The caveat is there should be a finite limit to it, so it doesn't impair your healing process. Also, when in the throes of a crush, one is less likely to discern an available and healthy potential partner, so that's a risk as well. I've never found crushes to be healthy but then I'm a guy. Our brains work differently. Good luck

[Major]

EyeAlone...been there...done that and finally, after five years...undone it. I know what you mean. I really had to process what was going on. From the accounts of men and women, I am attractive, educated, and I have an awesome life. I saw this man for the first time in 2005. There was never anything inappropriate. He wasn't married or anything. We knew each other, however, just found that because of his calling as a Pastor, things were not going that way. I am a Christian, however, there were personality differences(he is very, dominant and I am very, aggressive, career-oriented and opinionated). I know it sounds crazy, but men in this position have to very, careful about the women they choose because really, they are like local celebrities and they can't just date anyone. (He was also dating someone at the time) Not that I could not have been with him, but everything was off. I knew this, and just kept living my glorious life. However, through the years, I compared other men to him, etc. Keep in mind, we NEVER dated or even came close. There was no relationship...AT ALL except being acquainted in church. Finally, I did a lot of self reflection and realized that he was the first man that I actually came into contact with, since I had graduated college, who was perfectly, what I had envisioned in a fantasy like way my whole life(tall, dark, handsome, well-educated, leader, physically fit(usually not the case for ministers)sensual). There was a reason I was drawn to him. For me, he was my fantasy I had as a young girl. Keep in mind, I have absolutely, no problem getting asked out or anything. However, no one really impressed me the way he did. However, I am glad that I was able to resolve why I was so mentally, emotionally, and psychologically attached to someone I NEVER had a relationship with. He is married now, and I have absolutely, no feelings of jealousy towards that. I think he and his wife are beautiful. It wasn't him, it was me and my initial, interaction with him that put my emotions in a tail spin over him and something that never happened. Do I regret it? No. I am glad that I know what I want and that it actually exists. Also, to be attracted to a beautiful, person who has it together, what does that say about me? Like attracts like and I like myself a lot:) I hope this helps. I am in a committed relationship now, and because I know what I want and what I also have to offer, I don't feel like I have settled in the least. I have exactly what I want, but in another person who is available. I am glad I resolved this, however, it is frustrating when you go through it and don't understand why you feel the way you do.

[tippie]

id say unhealthy..

unless this is just some sort of "at the moment deal" && not an obsessive one.

[petiteprincess]

people do it all the time with celebrities and such as long as you dont take it too far and obsess over him

[SincereOnlineGuy]

So is it okay? There's a guy I like and there's no way in the world that I'll ever be in a relationship with him (long story). But I really wrap my mind around around him and imagine being with him. I have this whole fantasy revolved around him. I don't let it rule my life, but it's something I like to think about often. Is this weird, or worse, unhealthy? So far it's really helped me get over my ex boyfriend.

 

 

 

As I read along I was getting ready to say exactly what you said at the end.

 

 

BeCAUSE the mere prospect of taking new romantic interest in someone/ANYone is somehow 'represented' in your mind by thoughts of this particular unattainable person, it can be very motivational (and helpful at points when you're getting over a break-up) to at least occupy your mind with the idea of other irons in the romantic fires.

 

 

Think of it like a geometry equation where the distant, unattainable inspiration exacts some small 'force' on your thoughts but that when a nearer, more realistic-to-you (male) force begins to arise, the relative pull of the nearer, newer, more realistic romantic interest and feelings will be much stronger than is the faint one. With that you will be revitalized and perfectly willing to pursue the realistic one.

 

I don't find it weird or unhealthy at all.

[LoveTruthChaos]

It's fine!

 

I had a very brief crush on a friend of mine, that lasted about a month (until last week). I kind had a crush on him for a long time, but to cut a long story short, he's not who I thought he was, so I'm no longer interested.

 

In my experience, this was healthy because now I definitely know what I do ans don't want out of a relationship, and he wasn't it. But just like you, he helped me fast forward my healing over my ex somewhat.

 

And hey - I still fantasise about my friend physically. Much better body than my ex!

[Feelin Frisky]

It's a wonderful thing to have good feelings of love or infatuation for someone even if you know it's impossible. But that's coming from a man who was never married and didn't have the myriad of considerations that I'm sure others who are or were married wil bring up. I just love that feeling of seeing what's her name pass by and my heart go pidder pad. Perhaps if I'd actually known her I'd fall out of that state pretty fast but unrequited love from afar is not something that has happened enough in my life as far as I'm concerned and when it did happen it always made me want to work harder to be more deserving of someone who seemed to have those special qualities I idolized. Good stuff.