LosingBattle Posted May 15, 2010 Posted May 15, 2010 Ok, I've posted here several times about the relationship I had with my ex. He was my first boyfriend, love and sex partner. We were together for almost 4 years. We thought we were soulmates (he still thinks we are). We had MANY issues because he was jealous of my past (it was quite clean, I'd think, I only gave half a BJ to another guy and the rest was just kissing with a few guys who were just casual hook ups). He didn't trust me at all, even though I gave up on friends, stopped going out without him, and was basically a Labrador of a girlfriend. He called me awful names, I cried like a baby, I also insulted him from time to time, he didn't care that I cried, he did things to spite me, told me I deserved all that for having been a sl**. He even hit me a couple times. We were mostly happy though, and shared many happy moments, and also felt like we had a connection that was much deeper and went beyond our issues. We had a habit of breaking up and making up. It had worn me out. Lately I hadn't been feeling exactly happy in the relationship. He broke up with me one day. We got back together. I told him if he ever broke up with me again, it'd be over for good. He broke up with me a few days after that. It's been three weeks since. He hasn't given up on me. He says he made the biggest mistake of his life and that he loves me and adores me and promises he'll change (although not everything will be perfect, he says, and that there are some compromises I'd have to make, too). He asks me for one more chance... I tell him I already gave him MANY chances during the last years. He says he'll always love me. He cries. He's suffering. He isn't able to stick to no contact. I hate seeing him suffer and now I'm questioning whether leaving him for good is the best decision. Some of my friends tell me it is, others tell me maybe not. None of them know about the name calling and hitting, though. I wonder if maybe this is the biggest mistake of my life. I'm just really worried and wish he'd just hate me and moved on already, that he didn't love me and that he didn't suffer. I love him still, but wasn't happy being with him. now it turns out I'm not happy with him nor without him. I miss him from time to time, but I know I'm strong enough to finally move on. But what if he was truly my soulmate? Should I take him back? Or is this really the best decision I could take?
Full Moon Posted May 15, 2010 Posted May 15, 2010 Hi there Your ex is not your soulmate. He was a lesson. A lesson to learn what love is NOT and what NOT to accept in a relationship. You seem to be a smart and mature woman. You do not deserve the emotional and physical abuse. That's a big NO-NO! You have made a great decision! It is the best decision for you and your safety. You removed yourself from an unhealthy relationship and that's awesome b/c many ppl do not. Enough is enough. Keep moving forward and focusing on YOUR happiness. Your ex needs to seek help but it's not your responsibility to make sure he does. He should have loved you and showed more respect for you when he had the chance. Oh well, too little, too late. Too bad, so sad. Discontinue any contact with him. Continue to step into your future and the great things that are in store for you. Take care and blessings.
SadKitty78 Posted May 15, 2010 Posted May 15, 2010 Love is not about control. Love and relationships are about two people sharing their lives together who care about each other and want the best for each other. In my honest opinion, you made the right decision and I think you deserve to be with someone better. His jealousy issues were his and his alone! Regardless of your past, which here, sexually, it doesn't even sound like much of a past, this shouldn't be used as a tool for him to verbally and emotionally abuse you. Like fullmoon wrote, yes, I do agree it was emotional and verbal abuse. You made the right decision and he is just being sweet now because it was always a break up get back together cycle and now he knows he no longer has control over you so he's panicking. It does not mean he's changed. People don't change that quickly. You have to draw your boundaries and stick to them. Tell him you need space and time to heal from all this and so does he so you would appreciate if he refrained from contacting you. Change your # if you need to. Just stick to no contact.
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