freckles3131 Posted May 14, 2010 Posted May 14, 2010 How do you wrap your mind around a relationship ending/break-up when all you have to go on is the following reason: "I love you, but I'm no longer in love with you and I just can't do it anymore" Totally unexpected. I keep replaying the tapes in my mind over and over. When did he start falling out of love? Was there an incident or action that I missed? How did this happen?? There HAS to be more to the story. I have no concrete answers and it's driving me bonkers.
Patrice Posted May 14, 2010 Posted May 14, 2010 How long was the relationship? What is your gut telling you as to the reason?
Author freckles3131 Posted May 14, 2010 Author Posted May 14, 2010 3 years the 1st time and almost 5 years this time.
Ilovecake Posted May 14, 2010 Posted May 14, 2010 You cope the same way everyone else in this world does. Nobody's ever satisfied with the reason they are given for someone breaking up with them. You will never ever get the full answer to why someone breaks up with you. Usually it's a thousand little things that cumulate into a final straw. I doubt even your ex knows when exactly he stopped being in love with you. It’s not usually something that happens over night. He has probably been wavering with his decision for a while. It probably wasn’t any one particular thing you or he did. Have you ever been in that situation where at first you like someone but over time they start getting on your nerves and you don’t want to be around them? It’s the same thing. The reason you’re so shell shocked is because he had a chance to prepare for this for a while but because you have no way of knowing what is going on in his mind this came out of nowhere for you and you were only privy to the final decision.
northstar1 Posted May 14, 2010 Posted May 14, 2010 Rarely will any answer satisfy you, and you will just keep analyzing it and finding more ways to question or refute that in your head. What would be a sufficient answer that we can all be satisified with? Rarely will the answer be positive, and in most cases it is a blow to the ego. When my last ex and broke up, I was offered "I am not sure we are compatible". That was after a year and half. Not exactly something I can easily understand or accept, but the reason no longer matters and I can't fight it. What matters is they chose to walk and I'm left either wallowing in a pool of self pity until I drown, or pick myself up, dust myself off and keep walking forward.
Weird Posted May 14, 2010 Posted May 14, 2010 (edited) there is no such thing as: "I love you, but I'm no longer in love with you and I just can't do it anymore" meaning they never loved you in the first place. What they had was infatuation which is probably what most people have which explains all the break-ups and divorces. If you truly love someone then you don't just poof, stop feeling that way after a while and you don't drop them when you are "sick of them" like ilovecake mentioned as why some break up. People can say this isn't true but how is it not? Most people I would guess truly love their parents/children, correct? Well surely along the way they piss you off and you get sick of them but do you stop loving them and disown them? No, because you actually love them and the love lasts and there is no difference when it comes to love for someone from a romantic perspective. The only exception I would think for this would be if the person you said you truly loved just totally changed on you but people rarely change to that level. So yeah, most people in relationships I think are simply infatuated but think it is love. Edited May 14, 2010 by Weird
Ilovecake Posted May 14, 2010 Posted May 14, 2010 there is no such thing as: "I love you, but I'm no longer in love with you and I just can't do it anymore" meaning they never loved you in the first place. What they had was infatuation which is probably what most people have which explains all the break-ups and divorces. If you truly love someone then you don't just poof, stop feeling that way after a while and you don't drop them when you are "sick of them" like ilovecake mentioned as why some break up. People can say this isn't true but how is it not? Most people I would guess truly love their parents/children, correct? Well surely along the way they piss you off and you get sick of them but do you stop loving them and disown them? No, because you actually love them and the love lasts and there is no difference when it comes to love for someone from a romantic perspective. The only exception I would think for this would be if the person you said you truly loved just totally changed on you but people rarely change to that level. So yeah, most people in relationships I think are simply infatuated but think it is love. So you think once you're in love with someone you stay in love with them forever? You have never fallen out of love with anyone? I sure have and I was very deeply in love with that person but we changed and grew apart and the love just wasn't there at the end. You can not compare romantic love to parental love, that's just gross and two completely different animals.
teanoranges Posted May 15, 2010 Posted May 15, 2010 I could completely believe that the love we feel is not really a 'love' but an infatuation... an incredibly strong urge for sex/mating... its primal really. and very ego-centric... the trick is coming to acceptance with it. 'I love you but not in love with you'..... 'I don't dislike you but I don't find you exciting'.. we should start a thread on how many different ways we can say that...
skydiveaddict Posted May 15, 2010 Posted May 15, 2010 How do you wrap your mind around a relationship ending/break-up when all you have to go on is the following reason: "I love you, but I'm no longer in love with you and I just can't do it anymore" That's just the standard line from a girl who doesn't want to be with you anymore. Move on my friend
DadofTwoGirls Posted May 15, 2010 Posted May 15, 2010 I've fallen out of love twice before I got married and it was because I met someone new both times..now my wife of 17 yrs tells me the 'I love you but..' routine so my guess is she has become infactuated,smitten,in love, or whatever other screwy reason..so that's probably what has happened to him.
DadofTwoGirls Posted May 15, 2010 Posted May 15, 2010 Just remember...there will come a day when you will meet someone and they will give you that 'butterflies in your stomach' feeling again and THEY will make you forget about your 'lost love'..until then no matter how long it takes you will keep asking why..why..that m***** f***** b****..I can't wait for that day...but that's just me.
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