What's the difference between a date and hanging out?

[Green]

i gather that only people under 25 actually "hang out"

 

i don't really know what it means

 

We should hang out

[D-Lish]

a date is where money is spent

 

Don't forget blow jobs:lmao: That's a good indicator it's a date right Alph?:lmao:

[somedude81]

You need to give a girl butterflies, something to think about- not your resume.

Give her butterflies? How the heck do I do that?

 

When you were with her- you really didn't care what she did in her free time. You didn't care what kind of music she listens to, or how her mother was.

Actually I do care what music she likes and what she does in her free time. If I had a choice between a hot girl who likes to shop or go clubbing for fun, and an average girl who likes to play video games and watch anime, I'd pick the average girl, no contest. Common interests are very important to me. If sex is a given, then what we can do together with our clothes on is what matters.

 

You wanted to see her up close, how she walks, how she talks, how she interacts with you. You wanted to be with an attractive girl, you wanted to show your interest.

 

That is chemistry. The two-way verbal and nonverbal communication. First dates test those for compatibility.

I don't understand the chemistry thing. Frankly I don't have a clue how to create attraction in women. All I can do is try to show interest, plus be more flirty, tease her and be more touchy than I with people I'm not interested in.

 

She wants to think he is a catch, he's brave, he's not afraid of rejection because he never gets rejected, she wants to know he's so into her, he couldn't wait another second to ask her out. Do not reveal your insecurities. She doesn't want to date her little brother. Even if you're scared, FAKE confidence. Fake it until becomes real.

Won't a girl be able to tell how successful a guy is with women, just by interacting with him?

 

I do agree with saying that I should not reveal my insecurities. Doing or saying anything that makes me seem weak is a kiss of death.

 

A woman who is asked out by a confident man, and taken to a nice place- feels IMPORTANT and a little spoiled. She feels "he thinks I'm worth this. He wants me, and he's brave enough to try..." A woman taken to a cafe college restaurant, by a guy who she can sense insecurity thinks: "aww, he's so cute. He's trying to get to know me, aww did he just ask what kind of music I like?" You. Do. NOT. Want. "Aww". AWW does not bring passion. "Aww" belongs in Dates 4 and 5 when it's OKAY to show your vulnerability, to say: wow, I think I like you. That's when cute is okay.

Does the place we go to really matter? There is simply no way that I'm going to spend more than $30 on a first date. I know better than to think that me spending a lot of money means I'll get laid. Also, as far as I can tell I'm not showing any insecurity, though the girls may be able to sense something.

 

Hmm, can a girl tell when a guy is being hesitant about asking her out? Like can she tell he wants to.

 

A real, mature woman wants a real, mature man to step up to the plate. "Momentum" is your way of saying: when I feel comfortable enough that she won't reject me, I'll ask her. That's not exciting or sexy.

Are 19-22 year old girls, real, mature women? Some people on this forum have said that they aren't. Even if they are, I'm sure they have different standards than women who are 25-30.

 

Me waiting till I feel comfortable that she won't reject me isn't meant to be sexy or exciting. It's to try and increase my odds of success. I can ask out a bunch of women right after I met them and I don't think that is exciting or sexy and it certainty won't get me a date. I'm not the kind of guy who can wow a girl in 5 minutes. Unless I can become some kind of player, I never will be that guy. And that's fine for me. I prefer to get to know a girl before I have sex with her.

 

You are misinterpreting me. Getting to know one another is what dating is FOR... but he's justifying not taking her on a date because he wants to keep it casual.

Heh the entire reason I made this thread is because I don't what is a date and what isn't.

 

Of course I know that dinner and movie is a date but it's so cliche and from what I've heard it's actually a bad date.

 

Its all semantics really. If you ask a girl to hang out, but you take her to dinner and pay and then try and kiss her ... well thats a date even if you didn't specificaly call it a date.

So the act of trying to kiss a girl makes the event a date?

 

To me, there's no point in labeling it as a date. It should be pretty obvious if you're attracted to her.

 

Another thing you should think about, is that different girls have different standards for what's a date. For some, lunch, or even coffee, is a date. For others, that stuff doesn't count as a date.

That's why I'm trying to figure out what activities are dates and which are not. I don't want to give women the impression that I just want to hang out with them. Also the very fact that I've invited them to do anything with me, means that I'm attracted to them.

 

That's one area where a woman's intuition completely fails. If there are 20 girls in a room and I am consistently talking to only one girl. Does she think I'm talking to her because I think she's super cool and want to be her friend? No! It's because I'm attracted to her and I want to date her and/or have sex with her.

[rewe4reel]

somedude,

 

you sound like a very intelligent person and I think I just figured out what the problem is.

 

You're trying to reinvent the wheel, you're trying to outsmart the whole process, rather than using the tried-and-tested methods.

 

Stop trying to figure stuff out and stop trying to reinvent the wheel.

 

If you want a date with a girl, you gotta scrunch up your courage, and just ask. You have to project confidence even if you don't feel it internally. Like a door to door salesman. Sure it will feel "phony" but that's not the point. Your internal feelings and discomfort doesn't matter.

 

You have to be outgoing with a big smile on your face. You can't waste all this time contemplating your navel and waiting for the "right" time. There is no "right" time.

 

You also have to play the numbers game which you seem to refuse to want to do. You can never focus on just one girl. You have to be constantly asking women out, regardless of circumstance, because it's a numbers game. You don't really know anything about any of these women, such as whether they already have a boyfriend, whether they are busy or not, etc.

 

You said something in one of your posts that is definitely wrong, where you said you didn't want to ask out a lot of different women because that wouldn't work.

 

 

Well I got news for you: It will work. It's pretty much the only thing that works. The numbers game.

 

The more women you ask out, the more success you will have.

 

I'll bet even though you are 29 years old you haven't actually asked out 20 women on actual dates in your entire life. You can't possibly have, not if it takes you an entire semester to work up the courage to ask out a single woman on a single date.

 

You mock taking a woman out for dinner and a movie. Yes it's trite but it's also non-threatening and acceptable, it's conventional, and you want to be conventional when trying to meet someone who doesn't know you. If you can't think of anything else that is clearly better, than dinner and a movie can't go far wrong.

 

You HAVE to ask lots more women out, and don't waste all this time waiting for the perfect moment, or to build up your courage. Odds are you will get turned down by most women and if so keep right on movin'.

 

I'll be if you just ask out the next 10 reasonably attractive women you see at random at least one of them will say "yes." If not you've got 10 rejections under your belt as "experience" and you try the next 10. Then the next 10. Then the next 10.

 

But you know what? You'll never get that far.

 

 

And it doesn't matter how awkward you feel in going through this process. That doesn't matter at all. It doesn't matter if you say the wrong thing, you just keep rollin'. I mean I wouldn't try to be deliberately offensive, but even that works for some guys.

 

Develop a script for yourself. Rehearse your lines and say the same stuff to every woman you meet. That way it will become comfortable for you.

 

Let's say you're walking around on campus and you see an attractive girl.

 

Just walk right up to her, smile, and say: "Hi my name's somedude. What's yours?"

 

Either she'll ignore you or you'll she'll answer you. If she ignores you just say "Well nice meeting you," smile, and move on to the next prospect. (Remember to keep it pleasant because you'll probably run into this one again and she might be in a better mood next time, and more receptive.)

 

If she says "Hi somedude my names _______" then you're "in."

 

That's all it takes. Then you say:

 

"Hey my next class isn't until ________. Let's go get [lunch][a cup of coffee]. If it's not lunch time, "a cup of coffee" is always a safe generic thing to ask someone to do with you. Convenient and cheap too. Plus it adds the opportunity of chatting further. [Don't worry about calling it a "date" or a "hang out" or what not.]

 

If she says "sorry, busy" just smile again and say "Hey that's cool. Can I have your phone number? Maybe we can do it some other time." Either she gives you her number, or her email, or she just says "no sorry I have a boyfriend" "or no sorry I have to wash my hair" or whatever. Then you just stay cool, smile and say "OK then, well, nice meeting you!" and you move on.

 

Now you have to just keep doing this over and over and over. It may not bear fruit right away, but you will be meeting lots of people. After a while you may start running into the same people now and then and they will recognize you, you won't be a "stranger" anymore, and they might be more receptive.

 

Every so often you will run into someone who is really interesting, strange, and offbeat, and they may take you on an "adventure," not necessarily sexual in nature, but which will be lots of fun.

 

Example, you randomly ask some girl for coffee but she says "No I can't but you know what I'm going to hang out with some people over at the student union for a while, there's [activity] going on, c'mon over there." Or maybe not, this is just an example. So you broaden your horizon and just randomly expererience these new activities and new people and let it lead wherever it will lead.

 

But, let's say one of these women says "OK yeah let's get coffee" so you go to the cafe and you get the coffee. Always offer to buy it as a social courtesy but if she says "No let me get it" then you don't argue, let her get it. (It doesn't really matter who buys it, you're just showing you have some very basic social skills by the process of offering/reciprocation).

 

Then you sit down, what do you talk about? Well you talk about her. Ask the basic questions, but don't make it an interrogation. Most women love to talk about themselves endlessly and don't need too much prompting so just nod thoughtfully every minute or so as she's talking a blue streak, most of what she says will be utter nonsense but occasionally interject things like: "You know you make an interesting point" or "That's amazing!" "Get out of here!" "Yeah I totally know what you mean" Lots of affirmations, that's what the ladies seem to like.

 

Now you let this go on for a while, then either you or she will say "Well I need to get out of here, time for class" or whatever. At which point you have to say: "Well it was cool hanging out with you, would you like to get together some time for dinner?" Or: ..."would you like to get together for cocktails sometime?" Either she will say yes and then you either set a time/place/date within the next day or two, or get her phone number. If she declines just smile and again say "OK well maybe some other time, I really enjoyed talking with you," and get up and go on to your next activity.

 

 

I'm telling you somedude unless you are uglier than Shrek you won't be able to go through this process with as many as 10 girls without getting at least a "real date" out of it and most likely a girlfriend as well, you just have to do it.

[marsle85]

I'm kind of with somedude on this one. How exactly should he give her butterflies on the 1st or 2nd date? (Preferably 1st) Especially without asking her things like "what she does in her spare time" or "what kind of music she likes"

 

Give us an example of what you would expect a guy to do on a first date with you that would give you butterflies. I'm not attacking you. I just see lots of women on here saying that you need to "man up and ask her out" (which I agree with) but then they don't offer any other advice then that. Faking courage will only go so far, and women can sense a lamb in lion's clothing when it comes down to it. The hard part (in my experience) is not asking them out for date #1. It's getting them to come out for date #2. To do that you need to create a connection in date #1. So tell us, what are good ways on doing that?

 

 

Oh no, no. Those questions are mandatory and definitely required. That's the way we get to know one another... but I'm saying that's not what human beings really get out of those encounters. When you get back, you're not thinking: "oh my goddd, she knits when she's bored...!" No, you're like, "Ughhh she has the cutest laugh", or "best ass," or "I think she thought I was funny!". First dates test that stuff, not the white noise we throw back to one another.

 

Hmmm... make her feel hunted, sort of. When you open the door for her, and she walks under your arm, lean in and whisper something in her ear. Have the confidence to place your hand at the small of her back, or tease her on LITTLE things. Tell her she looks nice, compliment her on pratically anything. Create intimacy and sensuality.

[nova_guy123]

I understand that, and that's great for you- but irrelevant to her. Of course you want to get to know her, you've obviously liked her for a while and think she's cute. But your goals aren't enough. You need to give a girl butterflies, something to think about- not your resume.

 

When you were with her- you really didn't care what she did in her free time. You didn't care what kind of music she listens to, or how her mother was. You wanted to see her up close, how she walks, how she talks, how she interacts with you. You wanted to be with an attractive girl, you wanted to show your interest.

 

That is chemistry. The two-way verbal and nonverbal communication. First dates test those for compatibility.

 

When a guy comes right up to me and asks if I'd like to do something, I don't go home and think: "I wonder how many weeks he has been planning this". No girl WANTS to think that. She wants to think he is a catch, he's brave, he's not afraid of rejection because he never gets rejected, she wants to know he's so into her, he couldn't wait another second to ask her out. Do not reveal your insecurities. She doesn't want to date her little brother. Even if you're scared, FAKE confidence. Fake it until becomes real.

 

I don't care how hard it is for you. Just because you have security issues, doesn't mean the girl doesn't deserve the best. This is a double edged sword for you. Not only are you missing out on potential dates by holding back, you're completely eliminating the chances you have with the women you DO ask out. A woman who is asked out by a confident man, and taken to a nice place- feels IMPORTANT and a little spoiled. She feels "he thinks I'm worth this. He wants me, and he's brave enough to try..." A woman taken to a cafe college restaurant, by a guy who she can sense insecurity thinks: "aww, he's so cute. He's trying to get to know me, aww did he just ask what kind of music I like?" You. Do. NOT. Want. "Aww". AWW does not bring passion. "Aww" belongs in Dates 4 and 5 when it's OKAY to show your vulnerability, to say: wow, I think I like you. That's when cute is okay.

 

 

She wants to be SWEPT off her feet, not taking babysteps until you're "ready" to pick her up. It's like saying: "i'm going to kiss you in 10 days... 9 days...8 days..."etc. By the time the last day gets there, there is no anticipation or surprise.

 

A girl has no desire or time to warm you up into feeling comfortable enough to ask her on a real date. A real, mature woman wants a real, mature man to step up to the plate. "Momentum" is your way of saying: when I feel comfortable enough that she won't reject me, I'll ask her. That's not exciting or sexy.

 

And here's where some guys get confused. I have some female friends who insist that women are people too and just as scared as men are when it comes to dating etc. The above to me proves otherwise. I'm not saying you're wrong but by saying this you are now going to scare the crap out of this guy and make him think he's gotta be perfect around women. Abraham Lincoln allegedly said once that "women are the only thing I am scared of that I know won't hurt me". Perhaps that describes this situation.

[Engadget]

Oh no, no. Those questions are mandatory and definitely required. That's the way we get to know one another... but I'm saying that's not what human beings really get out of those encounters. When you get back, you're not thinking: "oh my goddd, she knits when she's bored...!" No, you're like, "Ughhh she has the cutest laugh", or "best ass," or "I think she thought I was funny!". First dates test that stuff, not the white noise we throw back to one another.

 

Hmmm... make her feel hunted, sort of. When you open the door for her, and she walks under your arm, lean in and whisper something in her ear. Have the confidence to place your hand at the small of her back, or tease her on LITTLE things. Tell her she looks nice, compliment her on pratically anything. Create intimacy and sensuality.

 

It's fun when you do these things and the girl gets nervous, good nervous of course. I've been teasing this girl with small touches, compliments on her looks, whispered in her ear a few times, leaned up against her, etc.

[marsle85]

It's fun when you do these things and the girl gets nervous, good nervous of course. I've been teasing this girl with small touches, compliments on her looks, whispered in her ear a few times, leaned up against her, etc.

 

Exxxactly. It's situations like those that that give me the chills, like literal shivers. Siiiiiiiigh

[Engadget]

Exxxactly. It's situations like those that that give me the chills, like literal shivers. Siiiiiiiigh

 

I do it with this particular girl because I'm not willing to jump into bed with her. She jumped into things with someone I know and it went sour, so I'm trying to be friends with her first although the sexual tension is palpable. She can't stand still around me, always kind of bouncy and adorable.

[somedude81]

And here's where some guys get confused. I have some female friends who insist that women are people too and just as scared as men are when it comes to dating etc. The above to me proves otherwise.

 

I'm not saying you're wrong but by saying this you are now going to scare the crap out of this guy and make him think he's gotta be perfect around women. Abraham Lincoln allegedly said once that "women are the only thing I am scared of that I know won't hurt me". Perhaps that describes this situation.

From my experiences, all girls no matter how nerdy or experienced they may seem, know what the deal is. I know I can't be perfect. I can do nothing but try to be relaxed while still pushing things a little bit beyond my comfort level one step at a time.

 

It's fun when you do these things and the girl gets nervous, good nervous of course. I've been teasing this girl with small touches, compliments on her looks, whispered in her ear a few times, leaned up against her, etc.

Those actions require a certain amount of confidence to pull off. Being the kind of guy that I am, I can think of 100 questions to ask just about the whispering in her ear bit. A confident guy just knows what to do.

 

My only hope is to find girls that are nice and patient enough for me to figure out what I'm doing.

[Engadget]

From my experiences, all girls no matter how nerdy or experienced they may seem, know what the deal is. I know I can't be perfect. I can do nothing but try to be relaxed while still pushing things a little bit beyond my comfort level one step at a time.

 

 

Those actions require a certain amount of confidence to pull off. Being the kind of guy that I am, I can think of 100 questions to ask just about the whispering in her ear bit. A confident guy just knows what to do.

 

My only hope is to find girls that are nice and patient enough for me to figure out what I'm doing.

 

Yeah confidence is hard to understand if you're not, I know the difference because I was very shy, and less attractive when I was younger. I understand both sides of it, and if I had been as confident now as I was then, I'd have been surrounded by women in high school (funny enough I was called a player then anyway).

 

Basically you have to be able to pick up that the girl likes you, and step up the little things you do bit by bit. Obviously you're not going to whisper into her ear the first time you meet her, you just have to know what's appropriate at what time.

[marsle85]

You are what you want to be. The only thing stopping you is yourself. Visualize yourself doing it, prepare yourself for possible outcomes. BECOME the man you want to be. It won't be easy, but you'll grow more comfortable and start to learn your surroundings, making future attempts easier.

[somedude81]

Some good stuff in this thread but I want to try and steer it back on course.

 

So I'm with a girl and were going on a walk in a park or at the beach. What are somethings that can be done and what are the things to talk about that builds her interest and doesn't cause her to think that we are just hanging out?

[somedude81]

Some good stuff in this thread but I want to try and steer it back on course.

 

So I'm with a girl and were going on a walk in a park or at the beach. What are somethings that can be done and what are some good conversations to talk about that would build her interest and wouldn't cause her to think that we are just hanging out.

Edited May 22, 2010 by somedude81

[summerl0vesyou]

i definitely think "hang out" should be avoided, but if you are doing a "hang out" activity, I would be sure to compliment her..

ask her what kind of guys she likes/goes for..

Smile a lot, and try to get closer as appropriate, with good signs from her (try standing closer, watch her body language. brush up against her, watch for her reaction, etc)

The key is in the flirting, if you are doing a hang out activity, you have to be sure to include probably heavier than usual flirting to make up for the fact that you arent on an obvious date

[somedude81]

Interesting. So if we're not on an obvious date, I would have to flirt more intensively than if we were?

[rewe4reel]

Some good stuff in this thread but I want to try and steer it back on course.

 

So I'm with a girl and were going on a walk in a park or at the beach. What are somethings that can be done and what are the things to talk about that builds her interest and doesn't cause her to think that we are just hanging out?

 

 

Is this a serious question?

 

If you are taking a walk alone with her in a park, or especially at the beach, you just spontaneously lean over and give her a smooch. On the lips is best if it can be managed, but cheek works just as well to get the point across.

 

Doesn't have to be a big tongue sloppy wet thing either. You're walking along with her on the beach, put your hand in the small of her back gently, lean over and kiss her.

 

If you want it to be more dramatic, you stop first, turn around and face her, lean in and kiss her. Very gentle, then pull back and look at her to see her reaction.

 

The worst that can happen is she will slap you in the face. That's actually never happened to me though. And if it ever does, at least you'll know where you stand.

 

Actually I was at the beach once with a girl I barely knew, we were chatting about something, there was some silence, and I just completely impulsively leaned in and kissed her. It was actually easy because I didn't really know her and no one else was around, so what could go wrong?

 

Her reaction was to just look at me in a sort of mystified way. She didn't yell or slap me.

 

She just asked me, "Why did you do that?" [That's probably a pretty typical reaction actually.]

 

So I just told her: "I don't know. You're attractive, and the impulse just seized me, and I just felt like I had to go with the impulse."

 

I guess that made as much sense as anything because we dated for a while after that. It was fun while it lasted.

 

 

So that's what I suggest you do. When you get this girl out in the park or on the beach or whatever, just lean over and kiss her. When she asks why you did it, just tell her that you felt like doing it.