Pink Cupcakes Posted May 14, 2010 Posted May 14, 2010 I have a 3rd date with a guy this Saturday. We are going to a large Farmers Market in late morning. OK, then he states "I'd like to go on a hike." I'm like "sure.' Then he says there's this 4 mile hike which is great. I tell him 'hmm, not sure I want to go on such a serious hike yet" he says "well you obviously are in good shape and work out, this should be no problem." I say "well, how about we start out with a 2-miler" He still pushes the long hike. It is 1. going to be warm this weekend. 2. we are going to the Farmers Market and I would want to look cute for that, instead his idea involves hiking shoes and not so cute outdoorsy attire. 3. I will obviously get all sweaty I'd rather go on a very short hike, or better yet a stroll. How do I convince him to get out of the longer hike? I am totally able to handle it and love nature, just don't want a serious hike on my 3rd date with the guy. I'd rather just hang out and see where the afternoon takes us after the Farmers Market. Even exploring the city would be better, as the Farmers Market is in a cool city. However, my sister says I need to wear cute "outdoors" clothes and suck it up. I'm all about "OK, after we're dating a few weeks, let's do the serious hike, not yet though. Let's go have a picnic in the park or something."
brainygirl Posted May 14, 2010 Posted May 14, 2010 I happen to think its setting a bad presedent in the relationship if you force yourself to do something you don't want to do just to make him happy. You could agree to go to the farmers market with him and then bow out of the hike, you could take spare shoes and change after the market, you could tell him you really don't want to do a hot sweaty hike on a date and suggest an alternative, outdoorsy and non-commercial activity, or you could just cancel the whole date.
Ruby Slippers Posted May 14, 2010 Posted May 14, 2010 I happen to think its setting a bad presedent in the relationship if you force yourself to do something you don't want to do just to make him happy. I agree completely. Dates are about FUN for both people. I find it odd that he pushed for the long hike after you said you'd prefer a shorter one this time. Why cling to a plan if the other person would prefer something else? I say stick to your guns and make sure you can be excited about the plans.
paleblue Posted May 14, 2010 Posted May 14, 2010 i dont get why he is so intent on going on a long hike. id just say thanks, maybe next time i dont want to go on a long hike right now. have fun?
Author Pink Cupcakes Posted May 14, 2010 Author Posted May 14, 2010 Thanks, I think I will take that approach, pale blue. He asked me what I wanted to do "I said "Farmers Market" suddenly there is a 4-mile nature hike added, lol. Have fun, lol. I like that.
paleblue Posted May 14, 2010 Posted May 14, 2010 personally id rather hang out at the market and explore the city with a cute girl than go for a sweaty hike. that's how my brain works at least. i had a few dates with a nice girl awhile back. she is a big hiker and was always trying to get me to go on some kind of mountain man hike with her hiking club. i was like sure, sometime!! but not today! have fun!
Mr White Posted May 14, 2010 Posted May 14, 2010 Self-absorbed douchebag. I'd just cancel the date. If you don't I'm betting $100 that he'll tell you everything about his vintage furniture, backpacking in Europe, working for a non-profit, how awesome the iPad is etcetera. I want to punch him in the face.
BubbleFreak Posted May 14, 2010 Posted May 14, 2010 I wonder if the 4 mile hike has something to do with getting you somewhere secluded and away from other people... in that case maybe suggest a short roadtrip instead. Bring pepper spray (just in case).
D-Lish Posted May 14, 2010 Posted May 14, 2010 I'd just tell him you had your heart set on exploring the market and strolling the city and suggest the hike for another day. If he is understanding, that's a good sign. It's never a good sign when someone pushes their agenda on you despite hearing "I don't wish to do that". Is it possible he's just trying to think of something to do that makes the date longer?
Author Pink Cupcakes Posted May 14, 2010 Author Posted May 14, 2010 Wow, Bubblefreak and D-Lish bring up good points. I feel I already offered a compromise "2-mile" hike after he asked ME what I wanted to do. My other option is to show up at the Farmers Market with cute shoes saying my hiking clothes/shoes are in the car then afterward "oops! I forgot my hiking clothes and shoes! Sorry! Guess we'll have to do something else while we're here" (I live an hour away from this city so it's not like I can just jot back home and get my hiking shoes.)
BubbleFreak Posted May 14, 2010 Posted May 14, 2010 Wow, Bubblefreak and D-Lish bring up good points. I feel I already offered a compromise "2-mile" hike after he asked ME what I wanted to do. My other option is to show up at the Farmers Market with cute shoes saying my hiking clothes/shoes are in the car then afterward "oops! I forgot my hiking clothes and shoes! Sorry! Guess we'll have to do something else while we're here" (I live an hour away from this city so it's not like I can just jot back home and get my hiking shoes.) Ah true, you did already compromise, but he still pushed his idea. No no, I don't think you should pretend to have forgotten the hiking clothes. Just be honest with him that you just didn't want to go on a 4 mile hike so soon into the relationship. If he is decent he will understand. Maybe ask him why he is so intent on the idea though.
marsle85 Posted May 14, 2010 Posted May 14, 2010 This is what you do. Look for events on the same day as your date. Find something you would both mutually like and call him excitedly saying: "oh. my. goshhh! I just found out that my favorite "so and so" is coming to town on "such an such a day" I knoww we have plans for this on "this day," but could we do that next time? I have a feeling you'd really like this..."
youaretheone Posted May 14, 2010 Posted May 14, 2010 Just tell him you have HCM and you will collapse in the middle of the hike! Joking. Tell him what you think. Communication is the essential part of a relationship. You don't have to come up with an excuse. You might as well offer an alternative and less tiresome idea to do after the market thing to make things easier. If he insists, understand that he will do it again in the future, when you become a gf-bf material.
Author Pink Cupcakes Posted May 14, 2010 Author Posted May 14, 2010 Thanks, everyone! I did Facebook him after I posted on here and reiterated to him I didn't think I was up for a long hike but maybe a short one or just a walk. He messaged back today and said "Hey, as far as I'm concerned we don't have to do a hike at all. Call you tomorrow." So he totally backed off the 4-mile hike, even though he was pushing it before. I will definitely check out other events going on to offer some fun things to do we might both like! That was a great suggestion!
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