DreamerGirl27 Posted May 13, 2010 Posted May 13, 2010 and the ones who don't to talk to you less. I am SO confused on guys right now! Every guy in the past that has "liked" me has only wanted to talk to me when we were on a date. They'd call me up, ask me out, I'd go out with them, then never hear from them again until the next date. I met this guy (that I have talked about that totally did not work out in any way shape or form) in school last semester, and he talked to me ALL THE TIME non stop for 6 months straight. I thought that meant this guy must be the first guy who REALLY likes me. He doesn't. (didn't) Apparently he was just looking for friends. The Problem: I want a guy like the 2nd guy. I want a friend FIRST. I want him to be all wrapped up in getting to know me BEFORE he asks me out on a date. I can't find that. ANYWHERE! This guy I also happened to like the most out of any of the other guys I have ever "thought" I liked, because 1st he was the most attractive to me, 2nd we had the most in common and 3rd, he gave me everything I was looking for. Friendship and getting to know me before anything else. How do you get the ones that like you to stop before immediately asking you out on a date and just be your friend first and talk to you and be there for you all the time and THEN ask you out, and the ones who want to be just "friends" to see you as more? I have a dilemma with men and I think it is that they are really stupid and don't know what they want. (No offense) but the guys I've come across in my life are really that. Stupid...and they don't make any sense. They are also not sensitive to my needs. If a guy likes me, I need him to show me, other than when we are on a date. If a guy doesn't like me, I need him to show me by backing off and not being so damn friendly. :: sigh :: (Prepares to live her entire life alone)
ulquiorra Posted May 14, 2010 Posted May 14, 2010 youl find someone eventully. who will show and say how they feel about you and be true to you.
brainygirl Posted May 14, 2010 Posted May 14, 2010 I have the same issue. When I like a guy I want to be texting him or calling him. They say that's pushy. When I don't like a guy I don't make contact, they say that's playing games. A girl can't win.
Engadget Posted May 14, 2010 Posted May 14, 2010 I have the same issue. When I like a guy I want to be texting him or calling him. They say that's pushy. When I don't like a guy I don't make contact, they say that's playing games. A girl can't win. I don't know what guys you're texting, but most would be happy you contacted them at all. I find so many women that are interested, but will never initiate contact.
brainygirl Posted May 14, 2010 Posted May 14, 2010 we must live in alternate realities then. I keep getting told I am pushy.
Engadget Posted May 14, 2010 Posted May 14, 2010 we must live in alternate realities then. I keep getting told I am pushy. Unless it's unwanted, constant and obnoxious contact then I can't imagine how that is.
USMCHokie Posted May 14, 2010 Posted May 14, 2010 The Problem: I want a guy like the 2nd guy. I want a friend FIRST. I want him to be all wrapped up in getting to know me BEFORE he asks me out on a date. I can't find that. ANYWHERE! This guy I also happened to like the most out of any of the other guys I have ever "thought" I liked, because 1st he was the most attractive to me, 2nd we had the most in common and 3rd, he gave me everything I was looking for. Friendship and getting to know me before anything else. This will be tough to find, as men are conditioned not to be friends first because it often places them permanently in the friend zone...and dating is getting to know someone...but with a romantic interest...friendship is getting to know someone without that romance angle... I have a dilemma with men and I think it is that they are really stupid and don't know what they want. (No offense) but the guys I've come across in my life are really that. Stupid...and they don't make any sense. I could say the same thing about you...guys aren't going to tolerate your wishy-washyness where you make it seem like you want to date, but in reality you want to be friends...and then suddenly you say you want to date...no one is worth that much trouble... They are also not sensitive to my needs. If a guy likes me, I need him to show me, other than when we are on a date. If a guy doesn't like me, I need him to show me by backing off and not being so damn friendly. You need to reevaluate your needs and approach to dating, because in today's society, it's a little juvenile...don't expect any guy to cater to these "needs" of yours... (Prepares to live her entire life alone) At least you'll be prepared...
brainygirl Posted May 14, 2010 Posted May 14, 2010 is a text message the day after a decent evening together saying essentially thanks for a fun time and I left my movie there obnoxious?
USMCHokie Posted May 14, 2010 Posted May 14, 2010 is a text message the day after a decent evening together saying essentially thanks for a fun time and I left my movie there obnoxious? Not at all.
ShadowBlue Posted May 14, 2010 Posted May 14, 2010 DreamerGirl27 wrote: How do you get the ones that like you to stop before immediately asking you out on a date and just be your friend first and talk to you and be there for you all the time and THEN ask you out, and the ones who want to be just "friends" to see you as more? That's easy. Stop saying "I only want to be friends" or turning down the ones that are friends first and putting them in the friendzone forever, and turning them down when they ask you out. Stop going for the guys that are fast, lightning quick, and come on strong with no interest in friendship. Actually show that you're interested in friendship and building the friendship into a romantic relationship, and then we'll probably have a better attitude. Then perhaps we'll be more open to friends first. Of course, that only applies if you're the type of guy with that type of attitude! :rolleyes::rolleyes: :lmao: :lmao:
somedude81 Posted May 14, 2010 Posted May 14, 2010 The Problem: I want a friend FIRST. I want him to be all wrapped up in getting to know me BEFORE he asks me out on a date. You are like my ideal girl. I want to know a girl as a friend for at least a couple of weeks before I consider dating her. I want to know what her hobbies are, her goals, lifestyle, personality, then I'll consider dating her if we seem to be a match. If things seem like they might go good then I'll start trying to make weekend plans and the like. The problem is that when I've used this method, girls take a long time to figure out that I actually like them, and they've already stuck me in the friendzone and there is never a way to change their mind. I'm trying to find the balance between showing interest and getting an instant rejection. Because of my repeated failures I'm going to need to stop doing the friends first approach as it really doesn't get me anywhere. In all honesty I have no desire to be just friends with a girl. I don't even think it's possible for me to have a platonic friendship with a girl when I'm sexually frustrated.
Tim The Enchanter Posted May 14, 2010 Posted May 14, 2010 Because of my repeated failures I'm going to need to stop doing the friends first approach as it really doesn't get me anywhere. Well at least you've realised that now. Trying to be friends with someone you are interested in is a fundamental no-no.
Tim The Enchanter Posted May 14, 2010 Posted May 14, 2010 we must live in alternate realities then. I keep getting told I am pushy. If I don't get a text after a date within 24 hours, it raises a flag in my head to signify low interest on her part. I would still try and call to arrange a second date if I was interested, but 9 times out of 10 my intuition proves to be correct. Maybe we do things differently in the UK compared to Kansas. Women here tend to be quite forward when they are interested.
Engadget Posted May 14, 2010 Posted May 14, 2010 is a text message the day after a decent evening together saying essentially thanks for a fun time and I left my movie there obnoxious? Nope, not at all. That's very good actually.
brainygirl Posted May 14, 2010 Posted May 14, 2010 Nope, not at all. That's very good actually. That got ignored. The next day I get told that he got in at two am and that I was pushy.
Jerry18 Posted May 14, 2010 Posted May 14, 2010 I used to be friends with girls before asking them out, but now I'm starting to ask them out earlier. The biggest reason is that if she rejects me then I'll lose a friend. Sometimes that's a risk I can't afford, so I end up either not asking her out, or lose an very good friend. I tend to now ask girls before I know them well. That way, if they reject me then I don't feel as bad as being rejected by a friend.
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