Eclipse11 Posted May 13, 2010 Posted May 13, 2010 (edited) Hi everyone...I am the "dumper", bet you thought it was the other way round but it's sometimes hard for us too... I didn't want to hurt my ex-boyfriend but I couldn't be with him any longer and I tried to break up with him nicely, in the nicest way, and be nice after the break-up, without leading him on...but I've explained over and over that I'm sorry, I want to be single, move on, I'm not ready to see him...nothing is working and tonight he got angry and said "what goes around comes around...maybe someone will break your f****** heart one day"...I then said I think I'd better go and he said, I think you better had... Then he sent two nice texts saying he felt rejected because he had lost me and he still loved me... He was angry because I had cancelled our meeting tomorrow saying it was too soon for us to meet and I'd maybe meet him in a few months...I guess it hit him then that I didn't want to reconcile as lovers... The second text he sent said he'd love to meet me and "don't make it too late since I don't want to feel bitter and angry when we meet" - however I thought it best to cut off contact and wasn't going to meet because nothing I have said or done is working and it's just getting harder and worse... I am starting to feel sad and trapped by this situation...I feel I have no other option but to cut contact because everything else has failed...he is making me feel very guilty all the time... If I had a wish tonight it would be to magic away all his hurt feelings...but there's NOTHING I can do and it's awful... Can anyone advise anything? I'm feeling lost, I don't know what to do next...Eclipse x Edited May 13, 2010 by Eclipse11
bayouboi Posted May 13, 2010 Posted May 13, 2010 It's selfish for you to do anything except for cutting contact with him.
Author Eclipse11 Posted May 13, 2010 Author Posted May 13, 2010 It's so hard though...because, as well, he WANTS the contact desparately...it'd be much easier if he didn't and it makes me feel so mean to deny it as if he is a terrible human being...however I would like to imagine it would lead to him getting over it and meeting somebody new who really loves him...Eclipse x
Drummergirl_23 Posted May 13, 2010 Posted May 13, 2010 Put it this way, if it were him on this forum pining over you and ya'lls situation we would all tell him to not contact you and we would tell him that you are selfish for contacting him. There is no way around his hurt. That's what happens when you break up. You will do more damage in the long run if you continue to try and maintain a friendship with him right now when he needs to have no contact with you so he can move on. I know its hard for both the dumper and the dumpee but no contact really is the best route.
Author Eclipse11 Posted May 13, 2010 Author Posted May 13, 2010 Thanks Drummergirl_23 - it's better to think I may be helping him out by going no contact, I'm feeling very down about everything tonight and I saw another poster write that she was sick of feeling sad, she wanted to move into the angry stage... Well this may help him feel angry and WANT to forget me and move on and fish about for other fish in the sea...I think he loves me because I'm "nice" and me being nice will probably stop him from moving on big-time... It's good when I remember that everyone advises people who have been broken up with to move on and not contact the other person, maybe it will even end up as a relief to him in a way if I stop... The ironic thing is, his mum thought he broke up with me, he is normally the less keen one and does the breaking up...one of the reasons we broke up was that it appeared he always loved the thrill of the chase and always seemed more keen on me when I was more aloof and when I acted more keen he was always more aloof... Anyhow I'm rambling on a bit here, I'll stop, thank you very much once again... Eclipse x
Author Eclipse11 Posted May 13, 2010 Author Posted May 13, 2010 (edited) Also I don't think I'm being that selfish in "contacting him"...I haven't contacted him at all, I've only replied when he contacts me because I feel bad for him if I don't...I have not inititated any of the contact... I have tried to break it off about eight times when we were together, I first broke this off a month ago and he refuses to accept it - I'm sorry to complain and sorry if I sound selfish but I feel physically weakened by it Eclipse x Edited May 13, 2010 by Eclipse11
GrayClouds Posted May 14, 2010 Posted May 14, 2010 He can not heal, he can not move on, he can not find his own strength if you keep responding to him. You think your being helpful but you not. If you keep this up you both will loose any respect for each other, you will start seeing him as weak and he will start see you as cruel. Do the mature and healthy thing. Tell him out of respect for him and to give him space to heal your going NC. Then give him the link to LS. And then go NC and focus on healing yourself.
Author Eclipse11 Posted May 15, 2010 Author Posted May 15, 2010 Thank you GrayClouds...I don't think I'll give him the Loveshack link yet because I'm posting myself on here! He has a lot of supportive friends and family around him... I think he knows we've gone no contact without me having to tell him...I haven't heard anything and I'll leave it at that now... To anyone reading who is asking their ex for another chance or staying in touch, I can advise you that it would be better to go no contact otherwise the other person may really start to resent you trying...because it makes them feel guilty and obliged... Now that my ex-boyfriend has gone no-contact I feel less resentful towards him...Eclipse x
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