oannamarie Posted May 13, 2010 Posted May 13, 2010 I know I shouldnt have been snooping but yesterday I went through my husband's text messages. He had a message to a woman that said she is forever in his heart. with a heart graphic attached. Her response was much love. He sent this message to her was after a message he received from her which said I love the message you sent me. Sorry it took so long to respond. I lost my phone. In his drafts there was a message to her that he never sent that said my heart is overfilled with love for you. I questioned him about it and he said that they were just friends. I demanded him to take me to her house (She was not answering her phone when I called) and he did. She stated that they were just friends but I am not sure I believe them. Her husband was home when we went there, along with her mother. I do know her and was aware that he had conversations with her once in a while but didnt know this was going on. I asked him just the other day if he had spoken to her lately and he said no. I cant imagine telling a guy friend that my heart is overfilled with love for him unless it was something more. I dont know what to believe but I am devastated. We have been married for 12 years and have two kids. It appears that some of the text messages have been erased but he says they werent. Right after we got home he erased all of his messages and even her phone number. Why would he do this?
carhill Posted May 13, 2010 Posted May 13, 2010 Did he know and/or have relations with her prior to your relationship and marriage? I walked this path for about 25 years. It's extremely likely that the feelings involved are not those of platonic friends. In our case, even when we socialized together with our respective SO's, we could just look at each other and people would know 'something' was going on, even though nothing sexual or obviously romantic ever did. It's a distraction and de-prioritization of the respective M's, in your case, IMO. MC helped me. IDK if it will help your H. Good luck
scatterd Posted May 13, 2010 Posted May 13, 2010 look for program that can detect all conversations its out there but can not remember name.I have to go but will look later ask him after you get it if he is willing to.
stace79 Posted May 13, 2010 Posted May 13, 2010 Even if they are not lying, something inappropriate is going on. Additionally, it has obviously very much upset you, discovering these messages. If he loves you and wants to make your marriage work, he should immediately stop talking to this woman in any way and commit to marriage counseling. I would recommend that you demand that or he has to move out, immediately. And don't let him back until he agrees to those terms. I don't think anyone would write that type of message if you were truly just friends. I don't even know many people who talk to family members that way. My two cents is they're both lying.
phineas Posted May 13, 2010 Posted May 13, 2010 maybe i'm just the odd-ball here but even when my marriage was hell & suspecting my wife of cheating I never developed a relationship with another woman like the OP's husband even when there were women wanting to give me their attention. I never acted inappropriatly with another woman either. I didn't do it because I still considered myself married & thought it was wrong. I just don't get cheaters.
Author oannamarie Posted May 13, 2010 Author Posted May 13, 2010 We both have known her since high school. Her husband has cancer and she is going through a tough time. My husband said that is why he sent her the text and that he "loves" all his friends. I never get messages like that. If he sends me a message it only say I love you. He thinks I should just drop it but I am still pretty pissed about the whole thing and cant seem to get over it. I am not sure how to react toward this. Even if he isnt cheating it still hurts that he would consider himself all "filled up" for her. I only feel that way when I think about him and my children. I dont think I feel that way about my relatives. I love them but the dont "fill my heart up". I dont see any other messages sent to his other friends that are girls like that.
carhill Posted May 13, 2010 Posted May 13, 2010 OP, tell me the last time he kissed one of his male 'friends', you know, the ones he loves so much. Or ended an e-mail 'love ya'. He's yanking your chain. As someone who has done both of the above, and does indeed 'love' his close friends of both genders, I'm calling BS on his lame gaslighting. I know the difference in the *feelings*. This one is special to him. There's something going on. It may not be romantic or sexual, but it is distracting him from the intimate priority in his life, and that's you. Nip it now. Since you all have known each other since high school, grab H and get over there and give the friend's H some hugs and kisses and expressions of love and support. It sounds like he could really use them right about now. Do it today
Miad's Princess Posted May 13, 2010 Posted May 13, 2010 What did her husband and mother have to say about these inappropriate messages?
Green Posted May 13, 2010 Posted May 13, 2010 If this happened to me I wouldn't have tipped him off and just snuck a peek at the cell phone again some other time maybe a few days later. At a minimum you have inapropriate flirty txting... at a maximum you have all out cheating. Are there times where he went out to do something that didn't make sense... like an odd friday night bowling trip ect...
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