alya Posted May 13, 2010 Posted May 13, 2010 (edited) Ok, ill try to make this short, and as easy to understand as I can. About 6 years ago while still married to my Exhusband, I met and befriended a man i worked with. We were great friend but nothing happened until about a month after i split with my ex and moved out of town. About a month later i came back so my daughter could visit her father and because shortly before I left I figured out I loved my bested friend. I missed him and had to see him. Well you can probably see where this is going, we ended up together. J(we shall call him) was great for the first year, we couldnt have been happier. Living togather, planning a future, raising our girls togather(my 2, his 1). Sounds great right? Well I did notice changes in him slowly. We are both "gamers". I wont deny Im a nerd. But I would never put a game in front of my childerns need, his needs or for that matter my own personnal needs. He did, hours on end ignoring anything that might need done, leaving me to deal with pretty much everything. I played this off at first, cause at that time he was working while I stayed at home. He deserved to do what he wanted during the hours he wasnt working. This is where it turns bad. He lost his job and was having problems finding something else. So with bills rolling in, I took what job(s) i could find. 2 differant ones. Both times, I would come home to nothing done, kids a MESS, house trashed, and him planted in front of a game or some other form of enrtainment. I had enough of watching my childern suffer and would have him find a job. This never ended well and he got fired a few times. We ended up in a bad spot, as far as money goes and with no where to go moved into his mother studioesk apartment behind her house. He became even lazier and in this even smaller space it showed badly. Even had child protective services called. Finally I had had enough and desided to move out. Give him time to grow up, and see what happen. Now during all this I had a male friend, which I played a online game with(i have alot of friends here all across the country woman and men) This friend I never had any clue at all really liked me. I talked to him as a friend and told him how things where going etc. he even tried to help straighten J up. Anyways, after the breakup was out there, B(we shall call him) told me his true feeling. I was blown away. But after talking for awhile we desided to try and see how things went between us. He even came over 1500 miles to meet me. Things were great between us, and my kids loved him. He never ignored what needed done, even took up a mantle he didnt need to when J refused to help out by watching them while I went to work one night. Over a months time all this happened. The first two weeks B was here J refused to speak to me, or have anything to do with the kids that looked at him as their daddy. Now I wont lie and say that I didnt still care about J, I did. And I cared about B as well. Then J desided to tell me he still loved me and would do anything to fix the problems. I dont know if it was our history or what, but I desided J deserved another chance. I Broke things off this B, and he went home. Moving into the final of this post...or so you hope. J has been here, B is 1500 miles away. Things went well for mabey a week after B left. (guess i forget to mention J and I were maintain differant places) But because of problems with J's mother he spends way more time here...a week at a time sometimes. 24 hours a day....and can you guess how things are going? Yeah...same thing as before. I go to work and J does nothing. Only when I confront him with his promises things will be better, or his promise to me the night before "baby Ill show you how much I love you, when you get home everything will be clean", and i come home and the house is trashed, he is sprawaled out in front of his computer with pop cans, old food, ciggerette butts everywhere. He does what he SHOULD do only when he thinks im ready to be done with it again. I feel like I wasted a good oppertunity for me to move on with a good man(which btw still loves me). to top all this off, now in J's eyes, this is my fault because " I tried so hard to make things work, she just didnt want it." direct quote from his myspace status. I care about J, but yes i dont beleive the two of us are meant to be more than friends. I beleive he needs me and cares about me but has that confused with love(and have told him all of this). On the other hand B, wants me to move up to live in his area. Or he wants to move here. Any advice for a very lost and confused woman? either way i guess it will lead to second chances for someone. Edited May 13, 2010 by alya misspelled words
2sure Posted May 13, 2010 Posted May 13, 2010 I dont know what to tell you about anything else...but thats quite a few guys popping in and out of your children's lives in a short time. And since it is you inviting them...maybe you need to think about you, your children, and your relationship with them. You need to not be with anyone for awhile.
TaraMaiden Posted May 13, 2010 Posted May 13, 2010 I agree with that. Also, he does nothing, you threaten to walk, he does something, you're pacified until the next time, then he goes back to doing nothing, you threaten to walk, he does something, you're pacified until the next time, then he goes back to doing nothing, you threaten to walk, he does something, you're pacified until the next time, then he goes back to doing nothing, you threaten to walk, he does something, you're pacified until the next time, then he goes back to doing nothing.... see the pattern you've established? All he needs to do to keep you strung along is to make the minimum effort and you capitulate. it's a vicious circle. Break it. Walk - and this time - DON'T come back.
Recommended Posts