lsb Posted May 13, 2010 Posted May 13, 2010 I dumped my ex a year ago. And he took it hard. I had to change my phone number and all. This all happened a year ago. And I didn't talk to him for about a year. So I thought, a year has passed and I responded to one of his messages - just to say hi. Well, he is still not over me. He went so far as to tell me he thought I was the one. I basically had to tell him to move on and let go. I guess I thought ideally we could just be friends or even just keep in touch now and then. But, now after that conversation, I am not so sure if that would be a good thing. Mainly I want to do what is best. And I want other people's opinion on this. What should I do? Maybe what I said was enough?
Ronni_W Posted May 13, 2010 Posted May 13, 2010 Yep, it is not a good idea to try to be friends with him. Even though you'd be able to handle it, he cannot. Regardless of what your 'ideal' may be, it is not his. [so] Trying to be friends with him will be draining and depleting on both of you. You might also want to consider blocking all the ways he still has, to message you. After a year, you just have to call it 100% over with no chance of transitioning to friendship. There isn't anything you can do for him. If you're being motivated by a few lingering feelings of guilt, it's unfair to him to try to be friends for the sake of feeling better yourself.
bayouboi Posted May 13, 2010 Posted May 13, 2010 You shouldn't be contacting him. He's made it clear that he isn't over you & you're blurring the lines by showing him any interest. I know YOU just want to be friends, but he doesn't. I broke up with my ex ~7 months ago because I started to feel like she was no longer into me. I cut off contact & it seems like every time I'm finally moving past the thoughts of her, she finds a way to get in touch with me. She does this because she "wants to be friends", but I've made it clear to her that I only want to be with her romantically. I agree with Ronnie_W above.
Author lsb Posted May 13, 2010 Author Posted May 13, 2010 I understand what you are saying. But he says he would like to be friends and I take that in meaning just friends. Now I realize he wants friends with the chance of something more.
CaliGuy Posted May 13, 2010 Posted May 13, 2010 That is why when you decide to move on and cut contact, you don't respond to them. Do him a favor by not being a part of his life because being friends is just not an option for most people.
Author lsb Posted May 13, 2010 Author Posted May 13, 2010 Okay, yeah I am cutting contact again. I get it. But again, I was doing that, he was the one contacting me. Well, I still have email and a home phone. And I can't change those.
Ilovecake Posted May 13, 2010 Posted May 13, 2010 Okay, yeah I am cutting contact again. I get it. But again, I was doing that, he was the one contacting me. Well, I still have email and a home phone. And I can't change those. Doesn't matter who initiates the contact. He's trying to keep you in his life in any capacity possible with the hope that your relationship will blossom back to what it was. Ignore any contact he makes, believe me you’re doing him a big favor by doing that. My ex who dumped me was trying to contact me and be friends for about a year, this kept both of us in limbo. The minute I stopped answering his messages is the minute I started getting over it.
Author lsb Posted May 13, 2010 Author Posted May 13, 2010 Okay, yes, I do not want to be in limbo. Thank you for saying that, it helped me understand better.
CaliGuy Posted May 13, 2010 Posted May 13, 2010 Okay, yeah I am cutting contact again. I get it. But again, I was doing that, he was the one contacting me. Well, I still have email and a home phone. And I can't change those. You don't answer his calls, emails, text, IMs etc. In order to help him move on with his life you must be DISCIPLINED to do the right thing. You know what you need to do. To quote Nike: "Just Do It!"
Author lsb Posted May 13, 2010 Author Posted May 13, 2010 Yes I do. You are right. But, I just thought that after a year and after he dated someone else he would have moved on. BUT, I now realize he hasn't and maybe never will - is that possible?
Drummergirl_23 Posted May 13, 2010 Posted May 13, 2010 Yes I do. You are right. But, I just thought that after a year and after he dated someone else he would have moved on. BUT, I now realize he hasn't and maybe never will - is that possible? There are many people out there who refuse to be friends with an ex. Personally, I am friends with all my exes, but it took loads of time for me to be at that point. Everyone is different but if you really care about him then you will see that trying to be friends with him only hurts him. No matter how you respond or what you say to him, he will always assign a different meaning to it in his head. Don't contact him anymore, that is the only way he will ever move on. When you break up with someone, sometimes the price you pay is that you don't ever get to have that person in your life anymore. Everyone is different and everyone has a different way of healing. He obviously can't handle having you in his life, at least not at this point, and that doesn't make him a bad person. Its just how it goes sometimes.
Author lsb Posted May 13, 2010 Author Posted May 13, 2010 Is there something wrong with me for feeling sad about this?
Ilovecake Posted May 14, 2010 Posted May 14, 2010 Is there something wrong with me for feeling sad about this? Not at all, it just means you're a compassionate human being. You know sometimes you can care about someone but they're just not complimentary to your life. You don't want to hurt your ex but you want to make sure you take care of yourself first.
Drummergirl_23 Posted May 14, 2010 Posted May 14, 2010 Is there something wrong with me for feeling sad about this? I'm sure you are sad and I don't mean to be mean, but you broke up with him. I know a break up is hard for the dumper too, but if you are just talking to him to comfort yourself that just makes you selfish. You talk to him knowing its harmful to his healing process because you don't want to be sad about not being able to have him in your life. You can't have it both ways. If you care about him, suck it up and be strong. I know its tough to let go of someone, but sometimes that's just how it has to be.
CaliGuy Posted May 14, 2010 Posted May 14, 2010 Is there something wrong with me for feeling sad about this? No, it's understandable why you feel this way but honestly, you are the one who broke up with him and wanted him to move on with his life. You are the one who has to stick to their guns and not respond to him. Sounds mean, but sometimes we hate the taste of the best medicine -- but we still take it. Give the guy the break he needs and cut all contact.
bluestraps Posted May 15, 2010 Posted May 15, 2010 I am in a similar situation, My ex and I are still talking . Facebook has been the main vehicle for our communication. But we did get together a few times recently and there are still strong feelings there. I think after some time goes by even if you still communicate the relationship still changes and feelings change. As a example I still love my ex alot , but recently I have been starting to see the possibilities for my life without her. It also makes a difference if you really shared alot of experences and good times. Some relationships are not really that great and its hard to see that it was'nt . I wish people could just be honest and communicate with each other .
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