ALombard Posted May 13, 2010 Posted May 13, 2010 Ok so here it goes another post. So went 3 days NC with my ex. Felt great after the 3rd, I mean I felt better than great. Each morning for the last 3 days she has tried calling me in the morning but I just never answered. So yesterday morning I'm at home. She calls me around 9am. I don't answer, then she calls my house, I don't answer. Then she sends me a text saying, "Why are you ignoring me now?". I don't answer. A few hours later she calls me again, once again I don't answer. Then she sends me another text saying "Fine, if you want to be immature then good-bye forever." than right after she sends me another text saying, "Why are you being like this?" I finally respond just to shut her up and I say, "I don't know how you want me to respond, the only reason I would want to talk to you is if you wanted to work things out and get back together." She says, "ok" and too just make things clear I respond back, "Ok, so no more calls or texts." To which she responds, "What? Why?! Why are you being like this?". I once again don't respond and go back to sleep and turn off my phone. I wake up a few hours later with a FB message from her thinking I'm dating some girl I friended on facebook, a very bitchy message saying "Lauren are you serious? Never talk to me again!" I don't reply back, she then calls me and basically says this. "I want you out of my life, your mother just posted a bunch of mean stuff on my FB I'm so fed up with her and you, so goodbye I'm never talking to you again." To which I respond, "What did I do? I didn't post anything bad on your FB" She then says, "Whatever, you're a liar, you lie, I'm done with you I want you out of my life. Have fun with that bro hoe bitch." So I text her asking her what her deal is. She calls me we talk, I tell her that I was ignoring her to get over her. That I still do love her etc, etc. We talk about things a little bit and then the conversation is done. So yeah I'm still good, I still feel great and awesome. I'm just wondering what the FCK all that was about on her part. ANYBODY GOT AN IDEA?! Because I don't. Girls it would be especially nice to hear from you.
Ronni_W Posted May 13, 2010 Posted May 13, 2010 More importantly, wtf is it all about on YOUR part??? You're treating her like crap (acting childlike, ignoring her first 19 texts and then being all, "Aw shucks, what did *I* do?") -- but at the same time you're hoping that she's gonna wanna "work things out and get back together" with you??? Why? Why would she want to do that? What about your part of the most recent drama-filled communication offered her anything positive or inviting or hopeful for a better-nicer future with you? If you wanna go N/C, then do it like an adult for goodness' sake! Unfriend her on FaceBook and every other social networking site; block her on all email accounts, cell phones and every other electronic device that can be used for communicating. Ask you mother if she would mind similarly disengaging and detaching at least until you get your head on straight and your act together. Do NOT tell your ex, "I still love you. I don't want to hear from you unless <your list of conditions>." If you must have one final bit of communication, say instead, "I'm done with the drama. I'm done with trying to control and manipulate you with my list of conditions and my pretending to have gone 'no contact' on you. I really will not be initiating further contact with you and have done my best to ensure that you cannot initiate contact with me. In any case, I really will not be responding to any of your attempts to contact me in the future." Alternatively. Just be honest with yourself that you have no intention of using 'no contact' other than as a means to (try to) control and manipulate your ex into doing what you want, which is to want/promise to "work things out and get back together." With self-honesty, at least you won't have to pretend to be all confused and "wtf?" when she does contact you -- that is what you really want, after all. Isn't it? "WTF?" is the right question -- but you need to ask it of yourself.
Author ALombard Posted May 13, 2010 Author Posted May 13, 2010 Well first off, she dumped me for another guy. This is the 3rd time she has done this. I didn't treat her badly or anything. She told me to stop talking to her last week so I did. I didn't want to but I did. We had LC though. It wasn't until Sunday that I decided to go NC and as soon as I did that she started calling me everyday. I told her what I told her about the conditions to let her know that I have no desire to talk to her if there isn't a chance for us getting back together. I wanted her to stop calling me to try to be my friend because I don't want that. Excuse me for being honest with myself and selfish for once. Maybe before you pass judgement you should learn about the situation. This girl has put me through hell the last 3 weeks.
Ronni_W Posted May 13, 2010 Posted May 13, 2010 Excuse me for being honest with myself and selfish for once. If you got that I was labeling your actions as "selfish", then you misinterpreted. It's actually the opposite: IMO, you are not taking good enough care of yourself (your heart and mind)! Persisting in drama and crap is esteem-eroding and soul-sucking. And misusing 'no contact' can backfire. By continuing how you have been doing it, you're putting/keeping yourself in harm's way.
Author ALombard Posted May 13, 2010 Author Posted May 13, 2010 Ok fair enough. My main question is what is she doing? I know what I am doing. But why is she doing what she is doing? With the accusations, the mood swings, etc. I mean she left me, and still tells me she loves me so what the hell?
Ronni_W Posted May 13, 2010 Posted May 13, 2010 My main question is what is she doing? What she is doing is keeping you guessing, confused, off-balance and expending way too much mental and emotional energy on her. Why she is doing it -- well, mainly because you are allowing her to. Other possible reasons include for the ego-boost, to have some fun at your expense, to "prove" something about herself to herself or others. She's the only person on the planet who actually knows the true, deep-down answer to "why" she does whatever she does. Again, you trying to figure it out is just more wasted mental and emotional energy on your part; you straining and draining your own personal/inner resources.
Author ALombard Posted May 13, 2010 Author Posted May 13, 2010 Ok so what do I do? Just completely ignore her all together? I mean I thought by saying "I dont want to talk unless it's to get back together" was pretty clear but she still kept calling. I haven't talked to her since around 6pm last night so what if she calls again this morning?
northstar1 Posted May 13, 2010 Posted May 13, 2010 You have two choices here, both of which should lead you ultimately to move away from this childish girl 1)NC - ignore all her texts,calls etc. completely. 2)Tell her to leave you alone, you don't want her in your life anymore and ask her not to bother you again. Unless you truly are addicted to this cycle of immature drama and will take her back only to have it all happen again.........and then by all means keep contacting her. At some pointy you have to realize your self respect is worth more than this girl.
Author ALombard Posted May 13, 2010 Author Posted May 13, 2010 Haha northstar you're like my conscience on this website, seriously. Yeah she's super childish and very very hypocritical. I think either way I'm just gonna let a dead dog lie. I'm tired of having to explain myself to her even now when she doesn't deserve my time. And by the way northstar thanks for all the support the last 2 weeks I wouldn't be where I am without you and the other few people of this site.
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