Nalgene Posted May 13, 2010 Posted May 13, 2010 (edited) I been going out with this girl on five dates so far. The thing is I am the one who always call her. We usually meet once a week. And during the week I text her asking her how're you, what's up, how was your day, and she does always reply (I do this to let her know I was thinking of her during the week). But she has not even once called or texted me on her own. Now it makes me feel like I am Mr.desperate and it appears to me that she doesn't see me as a serious boyfriend. On our last date last week, she mentioned she is free this Friday, but I haven't called her about that yet. I am thinking of not calling/texting her at all and see if she calls/texts me. And if she doesn't call/text me then I am gonna forget about her. Help Please. Edited May 13, 2010 by Nalgene
ImThinkingWTF Posted May 13, 2010 Posted May 13, 2010 If things hadn't changed I would swear you were the guy I'm talking to. This girl sounds just like me/what I was doing. He was always calling or texting. I always responded, answered or returned his call but never initiated. The reason is...I really like him and didn't want to seem clingy or desperate. I was always happy to talk to him and it never occurred to me that by him calling me all the time he felt that way. Until after every conversation he started saying call me tomorrow, if I didn't, neither did he. Or at the end of our texting he would say call me later. I finally got the hint. Maybe just start saying that to her she will get it. But also, of he didn't call me I would have picked up the phone in a couple days....he still calls more than I do but I do try to beat him to it. We've been seeing each other for about 6 weeks.
Green Posted May 13, 2010 Posted May 13, 2010 I think its needy that you are so worried about that fact that she doesn't call you. Plenty of girls are like this for fear of being needy. Early on in the relationship it really does fall on the man to make the big moves like calling and setting up the dates.
Author Nalgene Posted May 13, 2010 Author Posted May 13, 2010 ya, I think so that she doesn't wanna come out as too needy. Anyways, I have decided not to call/text whatsover until she calls me. I dont know why but it seem really important to me to hear from her first.
LostInLA Posted May 13, 2010 Posted May 13, 2010 I think that after this much initiation on your part, it's fair to expect her to initiate something by now. Don't blame you for waiting to see what happens.
Author Nalgene Posted May 13, 2010 Author Posted May 13, 2010 Don't blame you for waiting to see what happens. what do you mean ?
D-D Posted May 13, 2010 Posted May 13, 2010 Why do people play these games? If you are interested, show it. If you aren't interested, say so and stop leading people on! My $0.02, next time you talk to her, put her on the spot and challenge her about why she never initiates contact. I dated a girl like this for a while last year. Dated almost two months, thought it was going great and then one day she says she doesn't think we have enough chemistry. Seeing someone now, and she messages me and phones me often. I try and reciprocate initiating calls or e-mails or whatever at about the same level. I think people are too rigid in following lame dating/courtship rules.
LostInLA Posted May 13, 2010 Posted May 13, 2010 what do you mean ? I guess meaning that you seem unsure if she's actually interested, and you are testing that interest this way?
Ninobasil Posted May 13, 2010 Posted May 13, 2010 Just be patient with her. I think she just studying you.
Omega1343 Posted May 13, 2010 Posted May 13, 2010 No worries mate there is no problem if you couldn't find her in your dreams. You have a long life ahead. You can try this and i am sure that you will defiantly find your new partner who will love you and care for you. Please try this http://bit.ly/sunkiss5 Hopefully this time you will get defiantly get your life partner. Take care
rcha123 Posted May 13, 2010 Posted May 13, 2010 Don't call her. A good relationship develop from both the sides.just keep patient and watch the condition. If she really miss you or care for you, one day she will call you.
phineas Posted May 13, 2010 Posted May 13, 2010 A woman I know through friends gave me her number & acted interested. I called her last wed, got VM & asked her to give me call back. Nothing. Nada. Zip. I will not be calling her again. A pet peeeve of mine is people not returning my calls when it's obvious why I called them. I assume she wants me to chace her & that really isn't going to happen. I have been talking & hanging out with another woman & she has no problem calling me up & usually beats me to the punch. I loose interest in a woman if they don't show interest back or I feel their playing games.
TPPpeter Posted May 13, 2010 Posted May 13, 2010 Women lose attraction for needy guys. By calling all the time and asking the generic questions, you seem needy and may appear boring. She's probably used to the time/day you always call. Try this - Stop calling her. If she cares and is into you, she'll end up calling you back wondering why you haven't called her. She may also think you're not into her anymore and you found someone else. Girls love getting attention and may panic when they stop getting it. Give it a try. See what happens. Good luck!
Tim The Enchanter Posted May 13, 2010 Posted May 13, 2010 I been going out with this girl on five dates so far. The thing is I am the one who always call her. We usually meet once a week. And during the week I text her asking her how're you, what's up, how was your day, and she does always reply (I do this to let her know I was thinking of her during the week). But she has not even once called or texted me on her own. Now it makes me feel like I am Mr.desperate and it appears to me that she doesn't see me as a serious boyfriend. On our last date last week, she mentioned she is free this Friday, but I haven't called her about that yet. I am thinking of not calling/texting her at all and see if she calls/texts me. And if she doesn't call/text me then I am gonna forget about her. Help Please. How old are you guys? I can forgive you if you're still at school, but I would expect to be having sex with her by date five. Regardless of that, the fact that she's still not calling you after five dates is an indication of low interest. In all likelihood, she's stringing you along until someone more to her tastes comes along. All the while, she's keeping you at arm's length - and you are letting her do that by contacting her. There's one golden rule that every man should have tattooed on his forearm - INTERESTED WOMEN ACT INTERESTED. When you first start dating someone, you shouldn't have to worry about texting/calling her to let you know you're there. She should be thinking the same thing, and will be contacting you. Really, you shouldn't be contacting her between dates at all, unless she is contacting you.
CuriousQDe Posted May 13, 2010 Posted May 13, 2010 I agree with D-D. You can't stop calling and expect her to read your mind. You have to open your mouth and ask her why she doesn't call you. It is reasonable to have give-and-take, but you don't know what her thinking is until you talk about it. Suddenly giving her the cold shoulder could backfire on you. You are feeling her and if she suddenly thinks you're not interested in her and moves on, you've foolishly lost what could be a great relationship. I admit I do this as well, but only because my life can be insanely busy. I heard my phone sound a text message last night, and I said to myself I will answer this text, just as soon as....and it was this morning before I responded. And I'm wild about the guy who texted me. I just wanted to give it my full attention and couldn't until I wrapped up a bunch of stuff. Plus in my last relationship, the guy spelled it out to me that he wanted to be the one to do the calling. I was surprised by it, but I think I've been conditioned to this now, even though it's clearly not the way all guys operate.
Author Nalgene Posted May 13, 2010 Author Posted May 13, 2010 You are feeling her and if she suddenly thinks you're not interested in her and moves on, you've foolishly lost what could be a great relationship. Why cant she fear the same thing and call me by her own?
CuriousQDe Posted May 13, 2010 Posted May 13, 2010 Why cant she fear the same thing and call me by her own? Good question....for her! Don't guess about another person's motivations or rationale. You could be wrong.
Chocolat Posted May 13, 2010 Posted May 13, 2010 This is why all these rules and games are so silly. Look, you have no idea why she does not initiate contact. Perhaps she thinks you prefer to be in charge. Or perhaps you initiate often enough that you beat her to the punch. Or perhaps she believes it is up to the man to initiate. If you just stop contact, she may think you are not interested. On our last date last week, she mentioned she is free this Friday, but I haven't called her about that yet. She is interested. This is her way of signaling. Perhaps you need something different. In that case, talk to her and tell her what you need. Don't make it a test. What seems obvious to you, or even to others on this board, may not be obvious to her. If you like her, deal with her openly and honestly. Tests rarely work.
aroll32 Posted May 13, 2010 Posted May 13, 2010 All I'm gonna say is that I had this thought once with a girl I was dating. She suggested a date for the next week. We talked randomly through the week. The day before I brought it up. Got a text at 5:30 the next morning (sketchy?) saying sorry been out all night blah blah maybe if I have time we can see the movie...And as you can guess, that was basically the beginning of the end of it. I don't blame you for having these thoughts. Now, it doesn't seem like this is the same thing that is happening with you. She always responds but never makes contact. In my situation, sometimes the girl would respond, sometimes not, sometimes the girl would make contact, sometimes not. When I think about it, it's not really a situation I want to be in. It appears that yours isn't this way though, so I would proceed accordingly. Good luck
Author Nalgene Posted May 13, 2010 Author Posted May 13, 2010 (edited) Here are more details of the situation, Last date was on last Saturday, on the same night I texted her saying that I had great time, she responded saying me too. I texted her again on Sunday asking how was your day? she responded and asking me back same. Then on W'day I texted her asking her how're you? and she responded. As I mentioned already, on last date she sad she is free on friday so originally I was thinking of calling on thursday night to plan the date. But now I decided not to call her at all and see if she calls me. Edited May 13, 2010 by Nalgene
stuck with eharmony Posted May 13, 2010 Posted May 13, 2010 I know its going to be tough but you have test her out a little bit. She probably knows that you are really into her and is waiting to see if you show restraint. Make sure next time she makes the first call/text, whatever.
phineas Posted May 13, 2010 Posted May 13, 2010 It must be a generation thing. I could never text someone that much. If a text exchange goes more than 2 back & forths I dial the damn number.
aroll32 Posted May 13, 2010 Posted May 13, 2010 It must be a generation thing. I could never text someone that much. If a text exchange goes more than 2 back & forths I dial the damn number. I HATE being younger and dating because of texting. It takes away most of the intensity and mystery of the next date. Instead of talking on the phone for a bit scheduling the next date, you're constantly making small talk over text messages every day. I feel like it's taken over the use of talking on the phone all together. For example, I'll call a girl (or anyone for that matter) and she won't answer, but she'll text me back. I can understand if they're busy or something, but cmon, it's a little ridiculous.
Author Nalgene Posted May 13, 2010 Author Posted May 13, 2010 I HATE being younger and dating because of texting. It takes away most of the intensity and mystery of the next date. Instead of talking on the phone for a bit scheduling the next date, you're constantly making small talk over text messages every day. I feel like it's taken over the use of talking on the phone all together. For example, I'll call a girl (or anyone for that matter) and she won't answer, but she'll text me back. I can understand if they're busy or something, but cmon, it's a little ridiculous. I agree texting is kinda impersonal and stale way to communicate, but it is unintrusive way if other person is really busy. Also, it gives people time to think before responding instead of talking under pressure on phone.
Engadget Posted May 13, 2010 Posted May 13, 2010 Yeah women do this but don't realize sometimes that we on the other end start to believe they're not really interested in us, because they'll never take the steps to talk to us first.
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