califnan Posted May 16, 2010 Posted May 16, 2010 This is hall of fame material here. Wow. Shock and awe stuff to be sure. Spoken with strength and conviction. All selfish cheaters on take note! No question the best post I've read here. Period. Bravo. Not because it's bold and direct, but because it's true. ----------------------- Bobbie, It is obvious that some on here are just getting their "rocks off".. so to speak. You can disregard any comments that would not come from a counselor's wisdom/ mouth..
Steadfast Posted May 16, 2010 Posted May 16, 2010 ----------------------- Bobbie, It is obvious that some on here are just getting their "rocks off".. so to speak. You can disregard any comments that would not come from a counselor's wisdom/ mouth.. I've learned my lesson on arguing with responders, but I can't let this slide without commenting. Who died and left you boss? You said your piece califran, others said theirs. Who are you to tell this woman whose advice to take? But, since you're a critic, please consider my take on: Your husband wanted a closed marriage, with just the two of you .. Duh! No kidding? Why would he expect that? Was it the wedding vows? Her oath to forsake all others? For better or worse? Is that really what he wanted, or was that something promised to him? In my opinion that's the kind of wishy-washy crap that helps no one except cheaters looking for sympathy and used car salesmen. "You wanted a running car? Why didn't you say so?"
califnan Posted May 16, 2010 Posted May 16, 2010 Who died and left you boss? You said your piece califran, others said theirs. Who are you to tell this woman whose advice to take? But, since you're a critic, please consider my take on: QUOTE] ------------------------ I stand by my comment to Bobbie. Posters have used this thread to call her filthy names, and use other slang toward her. And then you come and applaud a poster who does this. Bobbie: Any posters with name calling - ignore their comments.
samsungxoxo Posted May 16, 2010 Posted May 16, 2010 I stand by my comment to Bobbie. Posters have used this thread to call her filthy names, and use other slang toward her. And then you come and applaud a poster who does this. Bobbie: Any posters with name calling - ignore their comments.I don't understand that either. What's the use of wasting your time, bashing a poster? What do they gain in return? Lastly it's the OP's side of the story you're reading not the ex husband's so it's wise to maintain to the main topic and not digress. IC would be very helpful to the OP because it can lead her to more productive ways of dealing with stress or relationship with men in the future, how to deal with differences, communication techniques, etc... I doubt that your ex husband will come back but there are many fishes in the tank and who knows why it happened... maybe you were simply not meant to be with him but other man with similarities to you. Why focus on just that one man?? There are plenty more out there.... now go get one of them ...
Mimolicious Posted May 17, 2010 Posted May 17, 2010 I realize I made some mistakes. I get that. I just wish I could now get back what I had. I realize I did some selfish things, HUGE mistakes. But I know we could get back to where we were...I just wish I could have one more chance. He never told me of his plans to leave, and just up and left one day. I would have worked it out. I guess you don't know what you've got till it's gone. Truly. How old are you?? "one more chance"?! You dont really deserve it honey. He gave you a chance and you blew it by playing games and contacting your OM for "closure". Look at where it landed you... Sad thing is, you will probably end up with someone that will do the same to you. Get back to where you were... IMPOSSIBLE!
Mimolicious Posted May 17, 2010 Posted May 17, 2010 I think the hardest thing about this is that for the last 3 months of our marriage, I thought he was doing okay. I thought he was happy and I thought we were moving in a good direction. I didn't even find out until after the day he left that he spent the last 3 months of our marriage planning his escape. How could he do this? We were spending holidays with families, doing things, and all the while he was plotting his escape. I know if he would have just talked to me then we could have had a better marriage than we ever had (and it was a GREAT marriage before I screwed it up). Instead, he left. THAT is why I feel abandoned! It can be called "PAY BACK!" and it's a mofo at times. I mean, let's be for real... You keep on saying that he "abandoned" you. YOU abandoned your marriage the minute you started splacking the OM. Your exH (He's not your H anymore) is actually far too kind to even pay you alimony. What a nice guy! Hey, I'm divorced wanna give me his info???!!!!!! He sounds lovely. Sorry sweetpea but I hope you learned the lesson here. God dont like ugly!!!
Mimolicious Posted May 17, 2010 Posted May 17, 2010 Bobbie, If your husband returned to you it would just mean that he is a big man - not a shell of a man .. What went wrong with your marriage - was that you wanted your husband, plus an affair, plus friends ... Your husband wanted a closed marriage, with just the two of you .. It is best to wait until you would wish to commit to this .. Time will tell, a lot can happen .. Serious??? Let's reverse it. If her exH was to be the one posting on LS, saying that his W cheated and blah blah blah and he wants her back but she bounced with the OM, he feels like a worthless soul, feels like he is dying without her blah, nlah, blah... He would be nothing but a DOORMAT, WEAK LAME A$$, LACK OF SELF-WORTH SOB. How is it that if he returned to his lying, cheating exW he is a "big man"? Please explain.
califnan Posted May 17, 2010 Posted May 17, 2010 Serious??? Let's reverse it. If her exH was to be the one posting on LS, saying that his W cheated and blah blah blah and he wants her back but she bounced with the OM, he feels like a worthless soul, feels like he is dying without her blah, nlah, blah... He would be nothing but a DOORMAT, WEAK LAME A$$, LACK OF SELF-WORTH SOB. How is it that if he returned to his lying, cheating exW he is a "big man"? Please explain. ------------------------ I believe in saving marriages .. (Yes I know they are divorced) .. But if somewhere down the line, Bobbie grew up and demonstrated true repentance .. then maybe there could be a happy ending.. The world is: Starting over, Frest Start, Starting anew... And with diff problems..
Mimolicious Posted May 18, 2010 Posted May 18, 2010 ------------------------ I believe in saving marriages .. (Yes I know they are divorced) .. But if somewhere down the line, Bobbie grew up and demonstrated true repentance .. then maybe there could be a happy ending.. The world is: Starting over, Frest Start, Starting anew... And with diff problems.. Calif- you're too sweet. I am going to hit you up when I need some music to my ears and I dont want to hear anything else but what I want to hear. In reality, seems like this is a lost case. M is over and the ExH is probably in a better place now.
califnan Posted May 18, 2010 Posted May 18, 2010 Calif- you're too sweet. I am going to hit you up when I need some music to my ears and I dont want to hear anything else but what I want to hear. In reality, seems like this is a lost case. M is over and the ExH is probably in a better place now. ------------------ Yes, he appears to running .. for his sanity, hurt and pride.. Also, I think his family may have been influential in this.. And yes, hit me up for music to your ears anytime... I do have a little faith in the future... ..
Chrome Barracuda Posted May 18, 2010 Posted May 18, 2010 ------------------ Yes, he appears to running .. for his sanity, hurt and pride.. Also, I think his family may have been influential in this.. And yes, hit me up for music to your ears anytime... I do have a little faith in the future... .. Why would any sane man stay when she constantly stabs him in the back? I mean WTF they aint got no kids, He gave her a second chance and she ruined it again. plus the friendship or emotional attachment with a second man which she knew her husband didnt want. subconsciously or not. she ruined her marriage. He did the right thing by leaving. I like when marriages are saved but not at the BS's expense.
califnan Posted May 18, 2010 Posted May 18, 2010 Why would any sane man stay when she constantly stabs him in the back? I mean WTF they aint got no kids, He gave her a second chance and she ruined it again. plus the friendship or emotional attachment with a second man which she knew her husband didnt want. subconsciously or not. she ruined her marriage. He did the right thing by leaving. I like when marriages are saved but not at the BS's expense. ------------------------- Yes, and by now Bobbie knows it as well .. 88 Replies.. And many angry .. It's not as if she had him drawn and quartered .. The experienced LS members who have responded to this post with more than average outrage .. Where is the outrage for the OW's on here who are strutting and crowing about breaking up families and even with children involved.. Making ref to it's OK because my mother did it too .. ha
Mimolicious Posted May 18, 2010 Posted May 18, 2010 Calif- I'll tell you where they are at the OW/OM forum. People just dont give a FACK! They do whatever gives then instant gratification, then come out with the classic BS "It just happened" and they expect the betrayed person to just take it. FACK THAT!!!!! My exH did it. He said that he had 75% with me and his family and she had 25% so it made him COMPLETE. Well, guess he sure is complete now with ONLY 25%!!! Loser! A college grad with 2 degrees and dont know sh*t about math, obviously. He still has 75% with me though... 75% of expenses yet minus the family, homes, support, love, friendship we had. I warned him that it was cheaper to keep us. Now he is miserable but HEY! he got his 25% and now he's 100% hers! Me, I'm 100% FREE! People who want it all, end with nothing!!!!
turnera Posted May 18, 2010 Posted May 18, 2010 I will own up to my choices - the affair and calling OM were bad choices - big mistakes that I made. The friend was just that. A FRIEND. There was nothing physical that ever happened between us. I would think he'd want me back because we were meant to be together. I do love him and it took me this to realize just how much I do and how strong my love is. He won't have what we had with anybody. I know that in my heart. I don't see how you can think HE would feel this way. You're just thinking about how YOU feel - which apparently is all you know how to do: care about how YOU feel. HE most likely feels utterly abused and traumatized, and considers you the worst mistake he has ever made - not his soulmate.
califnan Posted May 18, 2010 Posted May 18, 2010 Calif- I'll tell you where they are at the OW/OM forum. People just dont give a FACK! They do whatever gives then instant gratification, then come out with the classic BS "It just happened" and they expect the betrayed person to just take it. FACK THAT!!!!! My exH did it. He said that he had 75% with me and his family and she had 25% so it made him COMPLETE. Well, guess he sure is complete now with ONLY 25%!!! Loser! A college grad with 2 degrees and dont know sh*t about math, obviously. He still has 75% with me though... 75% of expenses yet minus the family, homes, support, love, friendship we had. I warned him that it was cheaper to keep us. Now he is miserable but HEY! he got his 25% and now he's 100% hers! Me, I'm 100% FREE! People who want it all, end with nothing!!!! -------------------- Mim, Peace and freedom are very important .. And I am also Blessed with our sons as well.. Yes, he said he was looking for the "brass ring" .. and that he was determined to find it.. Turned out he jumped from the frying pan into the fire w Aliede.. She used him, demeaned him .. He died of leukemia 10 yrs later - at a young 57. Went online last year on my birthday .. learned that this fat, matronly woman has snagged her fourth. Internet wedding reception movies are extensive.. Over the next days, I investigate the groom more fully - (Everything is on-line .. a miracle ) .. He was a brand new widower when she met him .. and he is a very wealthy man. Find a few of his daughters on facebook .. So I say flippantly to my sons that I should warn his family about her - as I was worried that she would clean them out.. (Lost my beautiful house because of her) .. So one of my sons is pacing past my desk dictating to me ... ha ha ... So somehow I manage to put together a facebook message that I had hoped would not get me sued.. If was: "Hopefully the groom had a good prenupt - as our family was victimized".. Well, I was almost instantly contacted by his hurting daughter(s) .. They already knew of me, alright .. But Aliede told them that she met my husband After we divorced .. Anyway, we have befriended his daughters and answered all of their questions.. They no longer are intimidated by Aliede - they know the whole story - and without her knowledge.. It is agreed that should anything happen to their father, or between them - they are Ready, and with my legal paperwork, incl the fact that my husband gave her the downpayment on her house while we were still married.. It is their feeling that Aliede married their father for the wrong reasons, following his stroke ..
MadMission Posted May 18, 2010 Posted May 18, 2010 Califnan, I find many of the OW posts to be so deeply disturbing in their lack of care for others...including children. There's just no regard for the W or kids. They just don't give a sh*t. What do you say to someone with that kind of disturbing mentality? Someone who doesn't care about children just because they are not their own? Or someone who absolves themselves of being heinously disrespectful toward another person (BW) because they, themselves (OW,) never made vows to them?? Really??? Seriously?? What kind of mentality is that? Califnan, there is no point in getting 'outraged' with these people. It's a waste of time and energy. They are so deeply entrenched in selfishness ~ in the true, literal meaning of the word ~ that they are incapable of having any regard or concern for the BW and children. So, replying in outrage to many of the OW posts...is, like I said, a waste of time and energy.
califnan Posted May 18, 2010 Posted May 18, 2010 Califnan, I find many of the OW posts to be so deeply disturbing in their lack of care for others...including children. There's just no regard for the W or kids. They just don't give a sh*t. What do you say to someone with that kind of disturbing mentality? Someone who doesn't care about children just because they are not their own? Or someone who absolves themselves of being heinously disrespectful toward another person (BW) because they, themselves (OW,) never made vows to them?? Really??? Seriously?? What kind of mentality is that? Califnan, there is no point in getting 'outraged' with these people. It's a waste of time and energy. They are so deeply entrenched in selfishness ~ in the true, literal meaning of the word ~ that they are incapable of having any regard or concern for the BW and children. So, replying in outrage to many of the OW posts...is, like I said, a waste of time and energy. ----------------------- I agree, It is one thing to be reformed and repentant .. But quite another to brag about the relationship - while diminishing the wife, their sex life, etc..
turnera Posted May 18, 2010 Posted May 18, 2010 Califnan, I find many of the OW posts to be so deeply disturbing in their lack of care for others...including children. There's just no regard for the W or kids. They just don't give a sh*t. What do you say to someone with that kind of disturbing mentality? Someone who doesn't care about children just because they are not their own? Or someone who absolves themselves of being heinously disrespectful toward another person (BW) because they, themselves (OW,) never made vows to them?? Really??? Seriously?? What kind of mentality is that? Califnan, there is no point in getting 'outraged' with these people. It's a waste of time and energy. They are so deeply entrenched in selfishness ~ in the true, literal meaning of the word ~ that they are incapable of having any regard or concern for the BW and children. So, replying in outrage to many of the OW posts...is, like I said, a waste of time and energy. On last week's episode of Tough Love Couples, one of the women has remained friends with her old lover, to her fiance's chagrin. Her fiance long ago asked her to stop hanging out with this guy, who she admits tells her that her fiance is not good enough, etc. Well, she refuses. He's her 'special friend.' She NEEDS him in her life. They go on to have her spend time with this old guy, in hopes that she'll see the damage she's doing to her fiance by not listening to his feelings being crushed, but all she sees is that she really really likes her old bf and her fiance should just 'get over it' and they should all just be good buddies. She even proceeds to harangue her fiance for not being happy for her to be able to have this guy in her life, and chews him out for being selfish! I wanted so bad to figure out how to reach in there and slap that girl around. She got royally chewed out by both the host/moderator of the show and all the other couples on the show; the host had to make her agree to not see this old bf for at least a year, in the hopes of saving her upcoming marriage, and it was like pulling teeth. He brought the old bf out and had her tell him she couldn't see him any more - she said 'for a bit' - and the host pushed her some more and made her say how long, and she grudgingly mumbled, 'for a year.' And then pouted. The old bf was ok with it, even after the other couples chewed him out for interfering in the couple's relationship, but the woman...just wow. She was furious that she was having to give up her 'friend' just because everyone else thought she was doing something wrong. Not once, did it ever even revolve around how her fiance felt. It was all about how put out she was for having to 'sacrifice.'
Mimolicious Posted May 18, 2010 Posted May 18, 2010 (edited) Oh trust me... I know. My kids and I have been through hell and back thanks to an elite member of the "Homewreckers association". What kills is that the minute you say something, you are nothing but a bitter, scorned, fat, unattractive, unffactionate b!tch that ruined the life of this wonderful man's (her soul-mate that will never do to her what he did to you because she is superdidupity special) by marrying him, giving him a family, love, understanding and helping him achieve all he ****en HAD. It's the same bullsh*t story most the time. Hardly ever ever take responsibility for being desperate to find a single man that can give to the what other women have, so they go and wreck it for someone else that already has it. Takes 2 to tango but 3 to f*ck it all up! A thousand factors play part but in reality principals, morality and decency are always absent. Then of course... we get the ones that it was love at first sight and blah, blah, blah. (Yawn) Edited May 18, 2010 by Mimolicious
stillafool Posted May 18, 2010 Posted May 18, 2010 I feel like he hates me, but I miss him so much. I understand he’s dating again. Is there any chance of us getting together? I keep holding out hope. No. He had once placed you on a pedestal and treated you like a queen. You jumped off into the arms of another man for what - ATTENTION. You slept with the other guy and carried on for 5 months. Your H never looked at you the same again. He wanted something he could cherish and now he has found someone new and guess what? He has placed her on that pedestal and if she treats him with love he will marry her. I would suggest you put him out of your mind and move on to someone new who you can make a fresh start with. At least, by now, you have learned from your mistakes and will no doubt never make them again. You will be happy again, but not with your Ex. Good luck.
Mimolicious Posted May 18, 2010 Posted May 18, 2010 Bobbie2010- You should honestly try to get some therapy to get over your exH and what happened in your marriage. Find some closure (no pun intended ) and move on with your life. Sad to say, for the looks of it your exH has moved on with his life and so should you. Don't waste it hoping or waiting, just move on. Life goes on but free yourself from the guilt. Wish you well!
stillafool Posted May 18, 2010 Posted May 18, 2010 He abandoned me with our house, our dog, alone in the suburbs while he moved closer to work. He left me with all of the expenses. I couldn't survive on my own. I hate being dependent on him, but there was no way around it. I would have probably had to sell the house and move back home if I didn't get anything because my student loan payments are too big to really handle. I'm sorry I am just catching up on your thread but couldn't you also move out of the house and into a cheap apartment? Also there is a high demand for nurses so you could even get extra work if you wanted to help supplement your income.
stillafool Posted May 18, 2010 Posted May 18, 2010 I will own up to my choices - the affair and calling OM were bad choices - big mistakes that I made. The friend was just that. A FRIEND. There was nothing physical that ever happened between us. But I'm surprised you didn't look at it from your H's point of view. With your recent track record of cheating he didn't trust you to be around any other men friends of yours. Whether married or not. I would think he'd want me back because we were meant to be together. I do love him and it took me this to realize just how much I do and how strong my love is. He won't have what we had with anybody. I know that in my heart. I don't think he wants what you guys had and probably sees that as a farce now. He will never get the picture of you opening your legs for another man out of his mind. Men are like that. That picture was probably burning a hole in his brain and that's what made him up and leave.
stillafool Posted May 18, 2010 Posted May 18, 2010 I think the hardest thing about this is that for the last 3 months of our marriage, I thought he was doing okay. I thought he was happy and I thought we were moving in a good direction. I didn't even find out until after the day he left that he spent the last 3 months of our marriage planning his escape. How could he do this? We were spending holidays with families, doing things, and all the while he was plotting his escape. I know if he would have just talked to me then we could have had a better marriage than we ever had (and it was a GREAT marriage before I screwed it up). Instead, he left. THAT is why I feel abandoned! He was never really back with you in his heart then. The fact that he was secretly planning his move while still with you shows that he had contempt for you then. I know this because I also was planning my move while still with my first h. This should tell you how much of a "thinker" your H is and this wasn't an impulsive move. He thought everything over again and again and again before he moved. His move should give you an indication of whether to expect him back or not. When I left I knew I would never be back.
stillafool Posted May 18, 2010 Posted May 18, 2010 Realizing I am going to probably get hammered for this, we made vows for better or for worse, and even in those times of worse, I would have thought him to be the type to love me for who I am and for us to work together to get through this. The A didn't have to end our marriage. Bobbie, affairs are the number one reason people divorce. I know that I broke our vows. I can't avoid that no matter how hard I try. But two wrongs (us both breaking our vows) don't make a right. My family was able to forgive me in a matter of days and even they tried to convince him. I guess he was too stubborn against me to do what was right and work this out. Bobbie you were kidding, right? How did he break your vows? Of course your family is going to forgive you in a matter of days because you are their blood. Of course they are going to try to convince him to stay with you because they love you and knew you would be losing a good man. They again, were looking out for your best interest.
Recommended Posts