vanek26 Posted May 12, 2010 Posted May 12, 2010 I came here a couple of months ago asking for help with my dating situation and I saw a lot of people endorsing online dating. I was a little unsure at first and didn't have much early success but eventually I started to get the hang of it. FYI, I went on Match, OKcupid, and Plentyoffish. The free sites have a lot more people on them while the paysites seem to have people seriously looking for a relationship and not just the cutest profile picture (although it's still very important). I eventually learned that writing a thoughtful detailed message was counterproductive because A. it makes you seem a little creepy and B. if they don't like the way you look, you're not getting a response anyways. So I kept it short and sweet, and emailed a large number of people. Obviously, most of them don't respond. Of the few that do, most don't have interest in holding a conversation. But I found a few diamonds in the rough. I've met up with three girls so far; and although two of them looked nothing like their profile picture, I was still moderately pleased with my progress. Of course, nothing materialized with any of them. Now, currently, I think I may have found something great; or thought I did anyways. Now I know that the trendy answer on here whenever someone is having relationship troubles is just to pursue other women. Let's try to ignore that option just for a moment. A little under a month ago I sent one of my generic sounding emails to a chick on match. She responded, sounding really enthusiastic about how she loved my profile. The only problem; she dorms at college and won't be home until May the 19th. So I haven't even met her yet. But still, we got to texting, facebook, talking on the phone. It was great. And I was doing everything right. Seeming a little aloof and disinterested, but at the same time having meaningful conversations. I know it's hard to believe because we never actually met, but with sending each other pictures daily and talking, I had a pretty good idea that we had chemistry. And she kept saying, "i hope i don't sound weird but i'm super excited to meet you!" as well as a LOT of flirting from her. But then, out of nowhere seemingly, it stopped. It began a little over a week ago when her text responses got generic and short, basically saying "haha" or "lol" to whatever I said. I knew this was a red flag, so I backed off. And she basically hasn't contacted me once since. It was such a dramatic drop off. I realize that women can at any time for any reason lose interest, but we haven't even met yet. So it's not like she discovered I was ugly or awkward in person. I can't call her out on it either, because she will always have the "it's finals week and I'm busy" excuse in her back pocket that will make me look like a fool. So here I am at a moment of reckoning. It's starting to look like she may be content with never speaking to me again. But what of our planned get together in a week? I have nothing to lose so I'm not going to just shrug it off; I have to try. But where to I go from here without hurting myself even more?
Rorschach Posted May 12, 2010 Posted May 12, 2010 She may just be busy, I've been in college and the place basically shuts down for finals, even the least active student seems to want to do nothing but study for finals. I would still plan on meeting her but just keep in mind that if nothing comes of it then it's no big deal. nothing ventured nothing gained, you can't have anything without putting your neck out there a little anyway.
Author vanek26 Posted May 12, 2010 Author Posted May 12, 2010 Thanks for the timely response. In these situations I try to think about what I would do and compare it. I, too, am in college and have also been busy, but nobody is ever too busy to go a full week without any communication whatsoever. So it's logical to conclude that she doesn't want to talk to me right now. And when that's the case, talking to her will force the issue and make me seem annoying and thus, unattractive. And then I dig my own grave. But, if I lay off, she may just disappear. It's only frustrating because I never got the chance to screw it up in person yet. I guess it's possible that she found a better looking guy on the website or in real life. That actually seems like the best explanation at this point.
starwolf242 Posted May 12, 2010 Posted May 12, 2010 I'm in the middle of exams right now and I'm not initiating contact with anyone. if they text me i reply short, sweet and if I remember but otherwise I'm too distracted to think about keeping things up with people. Just send her a text saying hope study is going ok, looking forward to meeting you next week, give me a shout when you have a minute or need a distraction ;op
Peaceful Guy Posted May 12, 2010 Posted May 12, 2010 She may just be busy, I've been in college and the place basically shuts down for finals, even the least active student seems to want to do nothing but study for finals... good point. it IS finals week for some people. also, its pretty hard to know what the deal is.. try not to overthink it if possible.
Peaceful Guy Posted May 12, 2010 Posted May 12, 2010 i forgot to say, i enjoyed reading your thoughts/tips on online dating.. vurry interesting.. i had NO luck myself.. gave up!
Author vanek26 Posted May 12, 2010 Author Posted May 12, 2010 i forgot to say, i enjoyed reading your thoughts/tips on online dating.. vurry interesting.. i had NO luck myself.. gave up! Yeah, it can definitely get discouraging. The funny thing is, I made a profile with a female friend of mine, sort of as a joke, and we just put up a couple of her pics and a one sentence profile summary. She immediately had like 10 messages in her inbox, and continues to get countless more each day. Some guys write her essays, it's really interesting. I guess the best advice I can give is to try and find the best looking pictures of yourself that you can. Some dudes just have like one fuzzy picture and expect to generate interest. The sad part about it is if I found a hot guy on google or something and made a profile, I bet I'd get a ton of responses just saying 'hey wuts up' to people.
Rorschach Posted May 12, 2010 Posted May 12, 2010 Correction, it's not finals weeks it's "I didn't go to class 3/5 days of the week and now I'm spending all night cramming". I literally have never "crammed" for a final. I have pulled all nighters on papers before, but never crammed for a final. I'm the firm believer that if you study on a regular basis and review at least once a week, you'll be fine. Granted it might not get you a 4.0....but I don't believe that in a world where everything is accessible from the internet, why we need to pretend that we have no resources in a classroom. I agree with this completely. I completed 4 semesters of college before it got too expensive and I realized I was paying too much for a degree I wasn't going to use. The first semester I treated college like high school, hardly paid attention, didn't study, and showed up less than half the time (in high school I still got As, not so much in college). I failed all my credits. ouch But the other 3 semesters I smartened up, showed up on time every day, did a little studying each nice (probably less than an hour a day) and did absolutely fine, mostly Bs, some As. So yeah finals week is only hectic for the straight A students and the people who spent their time like I did first semster.
USMCHokie Posted May 12, 2010 Posted May 12, 2010 But then, out of nowhere seemingly, it stopped. It began a little over a week ago when her text responses got generic and short, basically saying "haha" or "lol" to whatever I said. I knew this was a red flag, so I backed off. And she basically hasn't contacted me once since. It was such a dramatic drop off. I realize that women can at any time for any reason lose interest, but we haven't even met yet. So it's not like she discovered I was ugly or awkward in person. I can't call her out on it either, because she will always have the "it's finals week and I'm busy" excuse in her back pocket that will make me look like a fool. So here I am at a moment of reckoning. It's starting to look like she may be content with never speaking to me again. But what of our planned get together in a week? I have nothing to lose so I'm not going to just shrug it off; I have to try. But where to I go from here without hurting myself even more? She met someone else and wants to focus on him for a while. Nature of online dating. The whole finals week nonsense is a bunch of bullhonkey. This is why you want to meet people as soon as possible...it's all about timing and getting your foot in the door before the next guy...of course in your situation it's impossible to meet before May 19...but such is life...
Author vanek26 Posted May 13, 2010 Author Posted May 13, 2010 She met someone else and wants to focus on him for a while. Nature of online dating. The whole finals week nonsense is a bunch of bullhonkey. This is why you want to meet people as soon as possible...it's all about timing and getting your foot in the door before the next guy...of course in your situation it's impossible to meet before May 19...but such is life... This makes the most sense to me. So in that case, what do I do?
USMCHokie Posted May 13, 2010 Posted May 13, 2010 This makes the most sense to me. So in that case, what do I do? Continue the grind that is online dating...keep sending out those messages until you get another hit...talk to and meet new women...don't let one derail your efforts...
Tim The Enchanter Posted May 13, 2010 Posted May 13, 2010 Continue the grind that is online dating...keep sending out those messages until you get another hit...talk to and meet new women...don't let one derail your efforts... Absolutely. People joke with me that I'm an internet dating veteran, because I've been using it for almost three years. In that time, I've had loads of women flake out on me the way this girl has to you, Vanek. Whatever you do, don't let crap like this get you down. Also, don't dwell on flakes like her for too long. If she's this flakey before you've even met, that should raise a big red flag in your head to tell you she's not GF material. You will meet other women online who will be genuinely interested in dating you, I promise. Just remember to keep at it and put the leg work in.
Author vanek26 Posted May 14, 2010 Author Posted May 14, 2010 Mini update: In an attempt to get her to contact me without her knowing what I was up to, I uploaded a new batch of (in my opinion) nice facebook photos. Sure enough, within minutes I got a text from her commenting on them. We went back and forth a little, she claimed that she has been super busy which I figured she would. Then I mentioned that she would be home in less than a week and she was like, "I'm gonna be sooo busy when I get home." She cited that there's a wedding she has to go to, and how she starts her summer classes soon. So while her contacting me was encouraging, she's already readying herself to back out from meeting up when she's home. Am I being too paranoid about this? I honestly don't think I am. I'm trying not to let it discourage me. I just had really high hopes for this one so I don't want to back out until I'm sure that it's a lost cause.
Tim The Enchanter Posted May 14, 2010 Posted May 14, 2010 Mini update: In an attempt to get her to contact me without her knowing what I was up to, I uploaded a new batch of (in my opinion) nice facebook photos. Sure enough, within minutes I got a text from her commenting on them. We went back and forth a little, she claimed that she has been super busy which I figured she would. Then I mentioned that she would be home in less than a week and she was like, "I'm gonna be sooo busy when I get home." She cited that there's a wedding she has to go to, and how she starts her summer classes soon. So while her contacting me was encouraging, she's already readying herself to back out from meeting up when she's home. Am I being too paranoid about this? I honestly don't think I am. I'm trying not to let it discourage me. I just had really high hopes for this one so I don't want to back out until I'm sure that it's a lost cause. Unless she's a world leader, a brain surgeon or on the run, there's no reason why she could not make time for you to meet for a coffee or something. It sounds to me that her interest level is pretty low, certainly less than 50%. She built your hopes up and made you think you were going on a date, then she just disappears into the ether. She's a total flake. Even now when she's contacted you again, she's talking about how busy she's going to be when she gets back. So she's already prepared her excuse for fobbing you off again! FLAKE! If I were you, I'd concentrate my efforts on finding someone else.
phineas Posted May 14, 2010 Posted May 14, 2010 just think of all your time she wasted texting you pretending she is interested. You'll never get that back. She won't outright say no because if whomever does have her attention now doesn't pan out she'll need a back-up plan.
AngryTroll Posted May 14, 2010 Posted May 14, 2010 For most college students, finals week= no contact with anyone. I know my roommate's boyfriend is studying for some big exam in June, and he keeps the convos and visits short and sweet. Just send her a quick message, then wait until finals are over
Twenty-ten Posted May 14, 2010 Posted May 14, 2010 To me it doesn't sound like she met someone else, it sounds like it is becoming closer to the date where the possibility of meeting happens, and she is chickening out. More than likely she is hiding something about herself that you might find off-putting in person. Did you see a lot of clear resent pics of her? Or in all the exchange back and forth before she cut herself off you said something or did something to turn her off, that was my first instinct but in reading on it could be the second...?
Author vanek26 Posted May 21, 2010 Author Posted May 21, 2010 Final update: texted her on Sunday and immediately got "can't talk. 2 finals tomorrow" She got home yesterday. texted her today. No response. I'm just feeling so bitter about it. I want to just ask her what happened to make her suddenly avoid me like the plague but I know she'd be wishy washy about it, or just not even respond.
Confusedalways Posted May 21, 2010 Posted May 21, 2010 It doesn't sound personal- she sounds like she was just chickening out, like someone mentioned above. If you're really that curious, you could ask - but you probably wouldn't get a straight answer.
BeautifulMan Posted May 21, 2010 Posted May 21, 2010 You should probably detach yourself before you invest anymore energy into her. See if she texts you back in a week or so and when you relax a little bit send her a text teasing her saying she better not show up to your city/town without checking with you first *smiley face*. IF she doesn't answer that then.. continue on with the game.
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