Should I lower my standards?

[Green]

I'm just afraid people who know me will see me with some "cute" chubby chick and think to themselves, "Well what did you expect, Mike can't get women."

 

Look the only question you should be asking yourself is if you like the girl or not. If you find a girl sexy and she is 600 lbs then who cares.

 

So, NO don't lower your standards if that means going out with girls you yourself are not into, but feel free to date a girl you really like but some one else might not.

 

If some one made fun of me for my gf I would have to stop all contact with that person before I lost control and beat the crap out of them, because I would not put up with friends or family who put down the woman in my life.

 

P.S. 18-22 year old girls are very easy to get, I know you are not even trying. your in denial if you think you are

[bac]

1. Assertiveness

2. Being dark & handsome

3. Being tall

4. Pretending towards the girl that if the girl walked away, the guy could care less about them, thus being a "bad boy"

5. A guy who already has a girlfriend

 

Assertivaness will be fine, but the other qualities are the worst turns off for me.

[bac]

1. How much money he makes/has.

2. How much other women desire him.

3. His social standing.

4. How attractive his face/smile is.

5. How shapely he is.

 

Ranked in order of perceived importance.

 

1, 4, 5 are important for me.

1 is important for a guy who is a marriage material.

4 and 5 are important for casual sex guy.

I do not care for a guy who is too popular because he is spoiled, does not appreciate having a girl, would cheat on me, not hungry for sex.

[electricity]

I'm amused you boys are trying to guess what traits women look for instead of asking the women on this board to TELL you what we look for.

 

Assuming we want this or don't want that is definitely a big turn-off.

[Lakeside_runner]

1, 4, 5 are important for me.

1 is important for a guy who is a marriage material.

4 and 5 are important for casual sex guy.

I do not care for a guy who is too popular because he is spoiled, does not appreciate having a girl, would cheat on me, not hungry for sex.

 

And how much is OK for an answer to 1.? Just curious... I know: "The more the better", but a rough estimate... ?

[MrNate]

This is the worst advice in the world. Remember when they told you when you were a kid that you could be whatever you wanted? And you said 'I wanna be an astronaut!' and then you realized all the hard work it took to be an astronaut and the fact that nasa is shutting down anyway, and you gave up?

 

So was the advice 'you can be whatever you want to be' bad advice? Or was the world just harder and more difficult than you first thought and you found it easier to quit than to work for what you really wanted?

 

This is the same thing, sure there are things that you may personally see as slowing you down, red hair, height, blah blah blah. All I hear is a list of excuses why the world has set you up to fail. That is LOSER TALK.

 

You want to go date some super model, you know what you have to do, take good care of yourself, do everything you can to improve your looks and your body. Work hard at your job/career/business/what have you, earn a good living, prove to the world that you are responsible and confident. And go after it like a badger with rabies!

 

I can flat out guarantee that if you try hard enough you could have a model girlfriend. 100% positive. If you say 'no I don't think thats true' than you've already lost the battle until you change your thinking. The problem isn't the world, the problem is your perception of the world!

 

I'm becoming a fan of Rorscach more by the day. He keeps it 100% real.

[impz]

Honestly, what is with the self-loathing of guys here in this forum (Being lurking for quite a bit fishing for some advice at times)? I am a 5"8 man, and I never have trouble finding a girlfriend. In fact, I have too much trouble with women. I am not rich, slightly above average looking, consider myself decently intelligent and have a strong interest in current affairs and whatever you want to say (naturally curious).

 

There are shallow women that are out there who will not budge for any men below 6 feet. That is the truth, and I doubt no one is disputing that. However, why do I have the vibe that you think all the women are like that? If that is the case, I would never get a date, and would never meet my loving wife at all. I literally have to run from girls at times and reject them. The reason why is because of attitude, or more accurately, a positive energy that women can see from you.

 

Tell me, who do you rather hang out with? A guy who is confident in himself despite being a bit chubby and willing to discuss from immigration policies to the latest entertainment news to the latest models of Burberry bags. He has a decent job, he tries to work out despite being a tad lazy, take good care of himself and is exciting to hang out with.

 

Or a guy who keeps complaining that he cannot get any girls, just want a girl for the sake of it, and making himself look like some desperate junkie. He keeps saying how women are stupid or shallow, blaming everybody except himself. The choice is clear.

 

No one likes to hear LOSER talk as stated by Rorscach. Women like confident men. If you get dumped or rejected, just try it again. If any guy always gets the girls without having a single rejection, he should go buy the jackpot or that he is so filthy rich and handsome that women flock to him. Don't blame the whole world for women rejecting you. The world does not revolve around you.

[Green]

I'm amused you boys are trying to guess what traits women look for instead of asking the women on this board to TELL you what we look for.

 

Assuming we want this or don't want that is definitely a big turn-off.

 

Who do you think would have more experience catching fish, the fisherman or the fish?

[electricity]

Who do you think would have more experience catching fish, the fisherman or the fish?

 

Who knows more what the fish wants, the fishermen or the fish? If you had a fish buddy telling you what bait/lure to use, which hours fish eat, where they gather, I'm sure you'd be much better off than having another luckless fisherman's advice.

 

Also, why not get both?

[USMCHokie]

If it was only that easy...

 

It's not. Especially for men.

 

Well I am slender to athletic (depending on who you ask), average or slightly above average face (depending on who you ask), I take care of my appearance in a masculine way (basic grooming really), I self loath sometimes but not often, I have a lot of confidence, etc.

 

No, you don't.

 

 

My biggest flaw in attracting the opposite sex is incidently the one thing I can't change, it's my height. I know for a fact I would've had many girlfriends by now if I was 6 feet tall, but what can I do about it except try and better things I have control over?

 

I'm going to post what I posted in the other height thread just in case you missed it there...

 

Instead of blaming your height for your dating woes, why not accept what you were given, and improve those areas that you can control so that height becomes irrelevant in the eyes of women...? If you're having difficulty with dating, I'm willing to bet the farm that it has nothing to do with your height, but some other deficiencies in personality, character, or other physical characteristics (besides height)...

 

Height certainly is a factor in attractiveness, but it isn't the only factor...you can easily distinguish yourself in other ways that will make you very attractive to women...it just takes some self-awareness to identify areas you could work on and the discipline and determination to actually improve those areas...

 

By constantly belly-aching about how you're so screwed because of your height, you're just using it as a crutch that will prevent you from achieving any semblance of self-improvement, and you'll never be successful with dating...

 

Women do see the qualities other than height when they meet a guy...and chances are that women aren't seeing those other qualities because you simply don't have them...

 

And if you say that you're already ideal boyfriend/husband material except for your height, then I think you have bigger issues to worry about and really need to take a good hard look at yourself...not necessarily on the outside, but on the inside...

[Green]

Who knows more what the fish wants, the fishermen or the fish? If you had a fish buddy telling you what bait/lure to use, which hours fish eat, where they gather, I'm sure you'd be much better off than having another luckless fisherman's advice.

 

Also, why not get both?

 

The fish wouldn't know anything about bait/lures because the fish would have never been in a boat trying to catch fish.

 

The truth of the matter is its all very simple "standards" shouldn't exist especialy for a man as we get to pick who we aproach, we take the active role. I say let the women do the rejecting, it is the mans job to be brave enough to give it a good hard try and be romantic with any woman who catches his interest.

 

If lowering his standards means dating women he is not attracted to, then I say he is a very silly man and that will only make life worse for him.

[MrNate]

Who knows more what the fish wants, the fishermen or the fish? If you had a fish buddy telling you what bait/lure to use, which hours fish eat, where they gather, I'm sure you'd be much better off than having another luckless fisherman's advice.

 

Also, why not get both?

 

Both would be optimal. Even though I'd still have to lean more in favor of green. If a fisherman didn't know what a fish wanted, I doubt he'd waste his time fishing for those fish in the first place. What would he gain? A fish knows what it wants, but in the end, a fisherman will still have to catch it. It's not like the fish will jump out of the water and into his ice chest. When a fisherman has trouble, his best bet is to seek advice from fisherman who excel at catching fish.

[MrNate]

The fish wouldn't know anything about bait/lures because the fish would have never been in a boat trying to catch fish.

 

The truth of the matter is its all very simple "standards" shouldn't exist especialy for a man as we get to pick who we aproach, we take the active role. I say let the women do the rejecting, it is the mans job to be brave enough to give it a good hard try and be romantic with any woman who catches his interest.

 

If lowering his standards means dating women he is not attracted to, then I say he is a very silly man and that will only make life worse for him.

 

Amen to that.

[Eeyore79]

Who do you think would have more experience catching fish, the fisherman or the fish?

 

I'm a woman, and I can tell you that what women think they want and what they are actually attracted to are two different things. They will tell you they want money, status, power, and then sleep with the bad boy who has none of those things while ignoring the nice guy with a decent career. They will tell you they want height and good looks, but if such a guy came along and he was a boring wuss she would lose interest pretty quickly.

 

Women are attracted to confidence, assertiveness, masculinity, sex appeal, humour... i.e. the alpha male. I dumped a tall guy not so long ago; I was initially attracted to his height and appearance, but when i got to know him he turned out to be a wet blanket, a Mommy's boy who exuded no masculinity or sex appeal. In contrast, my ex was shorter and more overweight, but he was a real man - confident, sexy, a little cocky, fun to be with, etc... on an objective scale you couldn't really give him more than 5/10 looks-wise, but he oozed confidence and sex appeal.

[bayouboi]

I'm amused you boys are trying to guess what traits women look for instead of asking the women on this board to TELL you what we look for.

 

Assuming we want this or don't want that is definitely a big turn-off.

 

Because women TALK all the time, but their actions speak louder than their words.

[TPPpeter]

Mike, do NOT lower your standards.

 

It's not your appearance.

 

Looks do matter to women in the beginning but what gets them ATTRACTED is your personality and lifestyle.

 

Personality

- Tease Them

- Avoid Using Pick Up Lines

- Sense Of Humor

- Always Smile

- Appear Confident At All Times

 

When you notice a hottie, approach her RIGHT AWAY!

 

Even if you have no game plan, do it anyways because the guts you display in doing so may be enough to get her liking you. It's happened to me a few times and one of those times I did nothing but stutter.. LOL

 

Lifestyle

- Adventurous

- Get Deeply Involved With Hobbies

- Career Oriented

- Risk Taker

 

I hope this was a help. Good luck!

[Beerme]

Honestly, what is with the self-loathing of guys here in this forum (Being lurking for quite a bit fishing for some advice at times)? I am a 5"8 man, and I never have trouble finding a girlfriend. In fact, I have too much trouble with women. I am not rich, slightly above average looking, consider myself decently intelligent and have a strong interest in current affairs and whatever you want to say (naturally curious).

 

There are shallow women that are out there who will not budge for any men below 6 feet. That is the truth, and I doubt no one is disputing that. However, why do I have the vibe that you think all the women are like that? If that is the case, I would never get a date, and would never meet my loving wife at all. I literally have to run from girls at times and reject them. The reason why is because of attitude, or more accurately, a positive energy that women can see from you.

 

Tell me, who do you rather hang out with? A guy who is confident in himself despite being a bit chubby and willing to discuss from immigration policies to the latest entertainment news to the latest models of Burberry bags. He has a decent job, he tries to work out despite being a tad lazy, take good care of himself and is exciting to hang out with.

 

Or a guy who keeps complaining that he cannot get any girls, just want a girl for the sake of it, and making himself look like some desperate junkie. He keeps saying how women are stupid or shallow, blaming everybody except himself. The choice is clear.

 

No one likes to hear LOSER talk as stated by Rorscach. Women like confident men. If you get dumped or rejected, just try it again. If any guy always gets the girls without having a single rejection, he should go buy the jackpot or that he is so filthy rich and handsome that women flock to him. Don't blame the whole world for women rejecting you. The world does not revolve around you.

 

Totally agree with this post. I think I'm much like impz except that I'm 5'7" and asian, which probably even excludes me from more women than him. Even with that, I've never had a problem meeting/dating. I'm always a bit perplexed with guys that have trouble meeting women. If its not a problem for me, then it shouldn't be too much of a problem for most guys out there. Guys need to take responsibility for the situations they are in. Stop blaming what women want. Sure, there are women who will only date tall guys, sure there are women who will only date rich guys, but the vast majority of women are fairly open to dating all sorts of guys. I think I'm living walking proof of that. The one thing that I probably do better than most guys in social situations is that I'm quite outgoing. Remember, I said "outgoing" not necessarily "confident." I'm just as nervous going up to a woman in a bar as anyone, its just that I figure if I don't go up and start talking to her, I'm most likely not going to meet her.

[carhill]

OP, raise your standards. Be more particular and selective in whom you approach. Hone your people-picker to target exactly who is compatible for you.

 

When I read your post, another carrot-top, height-challenged guy came to mind, one who was lucky he survived infancy. He's a pretty cool snowboarder now. You might have heard his name during the last Olympics....Shaun White. He's about your age too. Good luck

[sweetjasmine]

If some chick would rather be with Mr. 6'2" With Six-Pack and Blue Eyes, then why do you want to be with her?

 

Almost all women regardless of looks or personality or status will still get entranced by that type of man and will date him over me more times than not, that's the truth.

 

My SO isnt' Mr. 6'2" With Six-Pack and Blue Eyes, and if Mr. 6'2" With Six-Pack and Blue Eyes waltzed right into my life right now, I wouldn't dump my SO. And he's under 6'.

 

But shucks I guess my anecdote doesn't count because you've got other anecdotes that confirm your beliefs, eh?

 

I would never, ever want to date someone who was constantly thinking, "Jeez, as soon as she finds Mr. 6'2" With Six-Pack and Blue Eyes, she's going to leave me because I'm worthless." Talk about a freaking turn-off.

 

If you find yourself so worthless and low, how can you expect someone to like you? How can you expect someone to think you're worth their time when you think you aren't?

 

What I'm working on is developing my personality so that women can see me as a long-term prospective, but I've already accepted that those guys will win out over me unless they are really awful people or have serious character flaws (thankfully, often times they do). Hopefully a woman one day will love me enough to not care about that, but thus far I have not had that experience at 21.

 

And at the ancient age of 21, you've seen everything and interacted with everyone, right?

 

My biggest flaw in attracting the opposite sex is incidently the one thing I can't change, it's my height.

 

No, it's not your biggest flaw, but you can keep pretending it is. It's easier to blame it all on something you can change than realizing that it's something you CAN change: your attitude and your people-picker.

[Rorschach]

No, it's not your biggest flaw, but you can keep pretending it is. It's easier to blame it all on something you can change than realizing that it's something you CAN change: your attitude and your people-picker.

 

Careful there, you're going to shatter their delicate sensibilities

[sweetjasmine]

Careful there, you're going to shatter their delicate sensibilities

 

Yeah, you're right. Plus I'm a woman so I have no idea what women want and look for. I'm just making things up to confuse everyone.

[Rorschach]

Yeah, you're right. Plus I'm a woman so I have no idea what women want and look for. I'm just making things up to confuse everyone.

 

You she-devil you!