mike1988 Posted May 12, 2010 Posted May 12, 2010 Thus far, as some of you may know, I've only been able to attract women 15-20 years older than myself. I really would like a sexy girlfriend closer to my age (21) but I'm a redhead and I'm "cute" and have the "nice guy" syndrome. Should I lower my standards to less attractive women in the chance these may be the only types of women I can attract?
Rorschach Posted May 12, 2010 Posted May 12, 2010 Oh god, you're turning into OpenGL. The problem is not your looks, it's not your red hair, it's not some mysterious aura of 'nice' you seem to think you have. The problem is only your confidence level and the way you portray yourself! Don't beat yourself up over this, it's not worth it. you're better than that.
Kaplan Posted May 12, 2010 Posted May 12, 2010 No, don't lower your standards. I don't think you have as big of a problem as you think. You're just in a hurry and worried about it a little too much.
bac Posted May 12, 2010 Posted May 12, 2010 You should go for girls who you want. What do you mean when you say attract women? You are not expected to attract them. You are expected to take initiative and get them no matter what.
mem11363 Posted May 12, 2010 Posted May 12, 2010 Mike, What do you think are the top 3-5 attributes that make a man attractive to women? After you answer that, what have you done to "up your game" in each of those areas? Thus far, as some of you may know, I've only been able to attract women 15-20 years older than myself. I really would like a sexy girlfriend closer to my age (21) but I'm a redhead and I'm "cute" and have the "nice guy" syndrome. Should I lower my standards to less attractive women in the chance these may be the only types of women I can attract?
Author mike1988 Posted May 12, 2010 Author Posted May 12, 2010 Mike, What do you think are the top 3-5 attributes that make a man attractive to women? After you answer that, what have you done to "up your game" in each of those areas? 1. Assertiveness 2. Being dark & handsome 3. Being tall 4. Pretending towards the girl that if the girl walked away, the guy could care less about them, thus being a "bad boy" 5. A guy who already has a girlfriend
Rorschach Posted May 12, 2010 Posted May 12, 2010 1. Assertiveness 2. Being dark & handsome 3. Being tall 4. Pretending towards the girl that if the girl walked away, the guy could care less about them, thus being a "bad boy" 5. A guy who already has a girlfriend negativity overriding logic circuits error error
bayouboi Posted May 12, 2010 Posted May 12, 2010 Mike, What do you think are the top 3-5 attributes that make a man attractive to women? After you answer that, what have you done to "up your game" in each of those areas? 1. How much money he makes/has. 2. How much other women desire him. 3. His social standing. 4. How attractive his face/smile is. 5. How shapely he is. Ranked in order of perceived importance.
Romance Posted May 12, 2010 Posted May 12, 2010 Unless you're expecting to get Heidi Klum and Adriana Lima, then no.
Author mike1988 Posted May 12, 2010 Author Posted May 12, 2010 1. How much money he makes/has. 2. How much other women desire him. 3. His social standing. 4. How attractive his face/smile is. 5. How shapely he is. Ranked in order of perceived importance. Ah then I'm screwed
Rorschach Posted May 12, 2010 Posted May 12, 2010 Mike, What do you think are the top 3-5 attributes that make a man attractive to women? After you answer that, what have you done to "up your game" in each of those areas? 1. Physical attractiveness 2. Attitude 3. Attitude 4. Attitude 5. Sense of Humor Bonus: Ability to cook (admit it, you women love it!)
phineas Posted May 12, 2010 Posted May 12, 2010 1. Assertiveness 2. Being dark & handsome 3. Being tall 4. Pretending towards the girl that if the girl walked away, the guy could care less about them, thus being a "bad boy" 5. A guy who already has a girlfriend 1. Assertiveness. ok. yeah, forget that. just be yourself. with confidence. 2. There is only one Billy D Williams & he isn't all that great a guy. 3. 'eh. i'm 5' 8" It has only been a problem for me once that I can remember. she wouldn't date me because she was 3 inches taller, but she had sex with me. 4. why pretend? There are women everywhere. When I was your age I used to focus on just one girl at a time while I screwed up the courage to ask her out. Lot's of big disapointments for me back then. It took till my late 20's to figure out there are women everywhere. If one shoots you down so what? go to the next. That's not a bad boy that's being a man. Why waste time chasing after a chick that doesn't have time for you? 5. Well, I have to agree with you on this one. The train wrecks of society do seem to want what other women have. I used to have a really hot & much younger co-worker that I went to happy hour with. Chicks wanted to know why I was with her. I wasn't bad looking but she was hot. trust me, any chick that wants a guy who has a GF is real piece of work. Also, have you considered doing the red-headed fro thing? Dude from my highschool had the massive 70's fro going. He was 5' 6/7" almost 6' with the fro. He couldn't go outside for recess if it was sunny cause ya, know he'd burst into flame and all that, but inside he OWNED the ginger. The chicks totally dug him because he just didn't care.
sweetjasmine Posted May 12, 2010 Posted May 12, 2010 OP, your problem isn't your red hair, height, or age. It's your attitude and your people-picker. 1. Physical attractiveness 2. Attitude 3. Attitude 4. Attitude 5. Sense of Humor Bonus: Ability to cook (admit it, you women love it!) That's a pretty good answer. What I find attractive is a great attitude, good sense of humor, intelligence, personality, and kindness. And confidence in the sense that a man is his own person with his own interests, opinions, and beliefs. That he's someone who is looking for another person to share his life with (because he already has a fulfilling life), not someone to fill some void because he feels like half a person when he's not with someone. Not someone who's just looking for a partner for the sake of having a partner. Not someone who's looking for a partner so they can feel better about themselves and boost their low self-esteem. My SO isn't Mr. Tall Dark & Handsome Pulling in a Six-Figure Income. But he's his own person, and we have fun together because we have a similar sense of humor and can enjoy light-hearted conversation or talk about more meaningful things. He's my best friend. We share our lives with each other and we're together because we want to be, not because we need each other to feel like real people. Honestly, the "I need a girlfriend, and any chick will do because I just absolutely need a girlfriend" attitude is a huge turn-off. I want someone who wants to be with me because of who I am, not someone who's looking for any person to fill that specific role. To me there's a difference between "Okay, I'm going to go shopping for a partner" and "This person's really wonderful, and I want them to be my partner."
Author mike1988 Posted May 12, 2010 Author Posted May 12, 2010 I'm just afraid people who know me will see me with some "cute" chubby chick and think to themselves, "Well what did you expect, Mike can't get women."
Rorschach Posted May 12, 2010 Posted May 12, 2010 I'm just afraid people who know me will see me with some "cute" chubby chick and think to themselves, "Well what did you expect, Mike can't get women." You've got some serious mental issues you've got to hoover out of your head. 1. if you think that a 'cute chubby chick' is the best you can do, than it is. If you think a banging hot model is the best you can do THAN IT IS. 2. If you like your cute chubby chick you shouldn't give a crap what other people think, ever see the movie shallow hal? 3. SNAP OUT OF IT BOY-O
Rorschach Posted May 12, 2010 Posted May 12, 2010 (edited) You are quite opinionated on here for someone whos only gotten to know people on here for little more then a month... Thanks for the words of insight. I'm very opinionated, born that way, die that way. Unlike alot of people I have no problem with people disagreeing with me, you like openGL? you don't see him having mental issues? Congratulations! I do. EDIT: sorry that came off like a jackass. I'm mostly just joking around, the results are always hit or miss on the internet, some people take me more seriously than I intend, but the way I see I just like making stupid jokes 100% of the time and I'm not about to stop because somebody thinks the internet is serious business. I really do think that both openGL and the TC are having the big problems because of their own personal skeletons in the closet and for no other reason though. I tried helping openGL with it, but he resists, so now I'm trying to get the TC to realize that the bad news is the problems are all in his head, the good news is once you realize that they are the easiest problems to fix. Edited May 12, 2010 by Rorschach
Yamaha Posted May 12, 2010 Posted May 12, 2010 Find somebody you like spending time with. Don't worry about standards
zebracolors Posted May 12, 2010 Posted May 12, 2010 Honestly, the "I need a girlfriend, and any chick will do because I just absolutely need a girlfriend" attitude is a huge turn-off. I want someone who wants to be with me because of who I am, not someone who's looking for any person to fill that specific role. To me there's a difference between "Okay, I'm going to go shopping for a partner" and "This person's really wonderful, and I want them to be my partner." Agreed. This would be the absolute wrong reason to date at all. If you feel like you'll settle for something, then you're missing out on what you want in a potential relationship. You've got some serious mental issues you've got to hoover out of your head. 1. if you think that a 'cute chubby chick' is the best you can do, than it is. If you think a banging hot model is the best you can do THAN IT IS. 2. If you like your cute chubby chick you shouldn't give a crap what other people think, ever see the movie shallow hal? 3. SNAP OUT OF IT BOY-O I Saw Shallow Hal! Its a great movie Mike, if you can assure us that your reasons for knowing what you want in a relationship are not because of what you are afraid others will think of you for it, we would still tell you not to lower your standards, just adjust the mental perception you have of yourself. I told you you're a good looking man but the self defeating mood is never very attractive in any situation
Rorschach Posted May 12, 2010 Posted May 12, 2010 I don't think the OP should be putting himself down, but this is really silly advice. If you are a man who has red hair, not tall, is East Asian, etc, you're simply not going to be as attractive as a guy who is 6'2 with a six pack and black hair and blue eyes. Thinking you will be ...still won't make it so. Going after girls you're attracted to is one thing, but if you are red haired or not tall (while we men don't see these as flaws in women, in fact they can be attractive) your best bet will be to date women who are a little more plain than you might like. This is the worst advice in the world. Remember when they told you when you were a kid that you could be whatever you wanted? And you said 'I wanna be an astronaut!' and then you realized all the hard work it took to be an astronaut and the fact that nasa is shutting down anyway, and you gave up? So was the advice 'you can be whatever you want to be' bad advice? Or was the world just harder and more difficult than you first thought and you found it easier to quit than to work for what you really wanted? This is the same thing, sure there are things that you may personally see as slowing you down, red hair, height, blah blah blah. All I hear is a list of excuses why the world has set you up to fail. That is LOSER TALK. You want to go date some super model, you know what you have to do, take good care of yourself, do everything you can to improve your looks and your body. Work hard at your job/career/business/what have you, earn a good living, prove to the world that you are responsible and confident. And go after it like a badger with rabies! I can flat out guarantee that if you try hard enough you could have a model girlfriend. 100% positive. If you say 'no I don't think thats true' than you've already lost the battle until you change your thinking. The problem isn't the world, the problem is your perception of the world!
sweetjasmine Posted May 12, 2010 Posted May 12, 2010 I'm just afraid people who know me will see me with some "cute" chubby chick and think to themselves, "Well what did you expect, Mike can't get women." In other words, you want a girlfriend because you think it'll improve your self-esteem and self-worth. You want a girlfriend because you want people to think you're awesome. Well, good luck with that. Using someone to boost yourself-esteem is a good recipe for a dysfunctional relationship and the ensuing heartbreak. You can't rely on someone else to fix you. You have to fix yourself.
sweetjasmine Posted May 12, 2010 Posted May 12, 2010 I don't think the OP should be putting himself down, but this is really silly advice. If you are a man who has red hair, not tall, is East Asian, etc, you're simply not going to be as attractive as a guy who is 6'2 with a six pack and black hair and blue eyes. Thinking you will be ...still won't make it so. Going after girls you're attracted to is one thing, but if you are red haired or not tall (while we men don't see these as flaws in women, in fact they can be attractive) your best bet will be to date women who are a little more plain than you might like. Uh, how about dating women you actually like and who like you for who you are? If some chick would rather be with Mr. 6'2" With Six-Pack and Blue Eyes, then why do you want to be with her? In other words: Find somebody you like spending time with. Don't worry about standards ^ THAT.
Rorschach Posted May 12, 2010 Posted May 12, 2010 Well obviously if the OP really wanted to he could find a way to make 10 million dollars and get a supermodel girlfriend. My point isn't that. My point is don't expect them to like you for you. I need someone who will like me for me, not for my money or because I'm tall (yes women, when you date tall guys you are objectifying them just as bad as men objectify women with big tits). That is real love. And while it's almost impossible to find it among American women, there is still that 1%. Maybe they're not the most elegant, or have the biggest tits, or even the prettiest faces, but they are better IMO than any supermodel. So heres my question for you then. If you want women to like you for you what if you just aren't that good? I'll use my self 3 months ago as an example. 300 pounds 0 self confidence good does of self loathing pimpled face no personal grooming So if you are in that position, do you come onto the internet and talk about how women won't accept you for you, or do you do something about it? And if you do something about it than are you bowing into society's laws and women who no longer like you for you?
Eeyore79 Posted May 12, 2010 Posted May 12, 2010 Women like confidence, assertiveness, sense of humour, social standing, and general alpha male characteristics. You can learn to demonstrate all of these things in your interactions with women. Try looking on some of the pickup artist forums, or watching the pickup artist videos on Youtube. They explain in detail how to appear confident, humorous, sociable, fun, etc.
Lakeside_runner Posted May 13, 2010 Posted May 13, 2010 My biggest flaw in attracting the opposite sex is incidently the one thing I can't change, it's my height. I know for a fact I would've had many girlfriends by now if I was 6 feet tall, but what can I do about it except try and better things I have control over? And, how tall are you, if I may ask?
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