HappyAgain Posted May 12, 2010 Posted May 12, 2010 So having finally returned home after a long business trip I am ecstatic with having spent the last 3 days with my SO. I can't believe how good this R is compared to my miserable M that I ended 2 years ago. My new man is so caring, understanding, exciting, and having a sex life is awesome! I just wanted to let all of you going through a divorce know that there is a beautiful rainbow at the end. During and right after leaving my xH I never thought I would be happy. I was miserable in the marriage from being made to feel stupid, told that I am not attractive, that he didn't want to have sex with me although he had ED and I stayed by his side all those years never knowing what it felt like to have a normal sex life, lying about having children only so that I continued to support him when he was a nothing, his drug problem, his being fired from almost every job he ever had, his lack of respect, his cheating just about every year, his lying, etc. I was always angry and would blow up frequently. I never recognized that it was depression that I had been suffering from for years (just thought it was "a" problem with me.) Well after starting therapy with an awesome therapist she made me realize that there was nothing wrong with me except to start loving myself more and to learn to set good boundaries. With her help and anti-depressants I got there - and left the lying scum that I was married to. And since leaving the xH I have never once lost my temper, it's almost like that angry person was someone else living in my body. I've dealt with childhood traumas that set me up to become the doormat that I was for 20 years of my adult life. Since leaving my xH, I had dealt with almost losing both my parents, a busted knee, a miscarriage, job loss, financial ruin, the death of someone dear to me, and some more craziness that I never thought one person would have to go through and survive sane. I never contacted my xH for help for any of it (he wouldn't have cared or helped anyways) but I wanted to deal with it on my own. But there were some awesome moments as well - I learned how to drive, bought my own brand new custom-ordered car, learned to be independent, went on an awesome vacation on my own, realized how much my friends truly loved and cared about me, working on adopting a beautiful little girl, traveling the world today. My old boss helped me find my new job (my old place going out of business was a blessing in disguise), the friends I had made at my previous places of employment were true friends who lent me a shoulder whenever I needed it, even my property manager was a blessing in helping me with whatever I needed - even minding my pets when I travel for work, I've made some true friends from all over the world with my travels, my new boss is a darling and we meet up frequently after work for a get-together, I'm appreciated so much at work that another manager is trying to win me over to his team, and biggest of all - I reconnected with someone I knew years ago and have an awesome R now. I knew that I would continue with my life but I never believed I would be this happy with my new life. When I think where my life was going with my xH, I pity my old self. That woman who was willing to settle for scraps from a man who had been with her for 19 years because he was too scared to leave when he he had nothing (he had tried and tried to find another woman but nobody wanted an unemployed, uneducated jerk who didn't even know how to drive.) So I paid for his education, bought him a car, supported him until he found a full-time job, and finally left him. Isn't it sad to read that - I was such a doormat. Today I look at my life and can't believe it isn't a dream. I'm still scared that I'll wake one morning and it'll have been a figment of my desires. I have no idea what my xH is doing but knowing his lack of ambition he most likely is living a meaningless life just like his father with a woman who only stays with him because he is willing to support her and her children, more or less paying her to stay with him. Isn't life sweet in it's own way?!? Regardless of the ex and his life, I just want to share my story for all those still unsure and scared if life can look up after a divorce. It most definitely CAN!
TwoForgiving Posted May 12, 2010 Posted May 12, 2010 Wow, what a success story you are! Hope all continues well with the new man in your life and good riddance to the loser you were married to.
Luv2dance Posted May 12, 2010 Posted May 12, 2010 So glad you are doing well and happy with where your life has gone!! It is great to hear positive stories among all the gloom and doom.
Beebie Posted May 12, 2010 Posted May 12, 2010 Regardless of the ex and his life, I just want to share my story for all those still unsure and scared if life can look up after a divorce. It most definitely CAN! Lovely story HA. 9 months down the line, I'm still rebuilding my life and I'm doing quite well, but your post gives massive inspiration to all of us who have gone through a horrible time. I've always believed what goes around comes around. Good for you and best of luck in your new life.
Author HappyAgain Posted May 12, 2010 Author Posted May 12, 2010 So glad that my story can bring some happiness to someone's life. I remember my xH telling me that he "hopes I can fill the void" in my life after I left him. I never understood that until I realized that he was just projecting his feelings onto me - the only void in my life was staying with him. My friends kicked into overdrive after I left him - one who I hadn't had much communication with for years introduced me to a guy she knew (the R turned out to be too early for me) but we went away for a snowboarding weekend the first winter away from the ex - spent most of the time on my backside but I enjoyed myself tremendously (my ex said I was too lazy and hated the cold - I just didn't enjoy his company), another friend helped me out of financial debt with her whole willing heart (my xH wouldn't help pay off the debts I incurred by paying for his education, the car I bought him, etc), my boss would give me a hug whenever I needed it and his wife tried to set me up with every available male she knew I thought I had nothing and was worth nothing after leaving the M but I learned that I AM something - I'm ME - and a hell of a lot of people love me just the way I am - whether I am fat/skinny, lazy/excited, silly/quirky, passionate/boring.
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