staringin2sun Posted May 12, 2010 Posted May 12, 2010 Hi, I'm new to this but I will try to make it short. I have had a total of 3 relationships, I am 31. In my first 2 relationships both cheated on me with ex's. One relationship was my husband of 10 years, we divorced and he is with his now married ex girlfriend he left me for. I am now in my third relationship. We have been together over a year. My problem is my boyfriend is a flirt and has got around a lot. Every where we go we run into a girl he's "been" with. Recently we went out and ran into yet another ex of his. He then preceded to leave me with his other friends and went to talk to her for 2 hours. Since then he has been chatting with her on the computer regularly. I'm kinda okay with that but my issue with it is the fact that he hides it. He turns the computer off when I come into the room or minimizes the screen. And he has never told me he talks to her. He is open about talking to other ex's. I know he talks to her though because he does it on my personal computer as he doesn't have one. So, Am I being paranoid because of past trauma or should I bring this up to him and ask him about it? What would you do in a similar situation?
stace79 Posted May 12, 2010 Posted May 12, 2010 I wouldn't even bother talking to him about it. I'd break up with him and run in the opposite direction.
Ronni_W Posted May 12, 2010 Posted May 12, 2010 No, you're not being paranoid. This guy is treating you with total disregard and disrespect. I would not even call this one a "relationship" because, based on his recent behaviour, he does not deserve that honour. Why not say he's just some guy you dated for however long while you were waiting for your third loving, long-term relationship to show up? I'd also do as stace suggested -- run!
Author staringin2sun Posted May 12, 2010 Author Posted May 12, 2010 Thank you for the quick responses. I can't give up on him yet though. I have known him literally all my life and know he has been waiting for me to be available since I was 13. I don't think he would hurt me on purpose. I want to talk to him about it but I don't know how to go about it. Thanks again!
Ronni_W Posted May 12, 2010 Posted May 12, 2010 Be honest about your concerns without referencing your past experiences -- keep it all current -- stick to discussing his recent behaviour, its impact on you, and its potential to derail your relationship. BEFORE you talk with him, decide how you want to be treated and what are your own boundaries, and know what action you will take if those are invaded/violated. Do not give him ultimatums but facts. If you say that you will end the relationship if he does not stop this upsetting and disrespectful behaviour, be double-tooting sure that you will really end the relationship if he does not stop. Just be honest, basically he has been waiting for me to be available since I was 13. I don't think he would hurt me on purpose. Hiding his communication with his ex from you is actually very purposeful, staringin2sun. It totally suggests that he is well aware that his behaviour will have some sort of negative effect on you...and yet he persists in doing it. It's also possible that he's discovered that, for him, the chase was more thrilling and invigorating than actually catching the prize (or the 'prey', depending on his perspective.) That would suck the big one, but it does not help or protect when we blind ourselves to all possibilities, no matter how "negative" and undesirable they may be. Best of luck.
road Posted May 13, 2010 Posted May 13, 2010 You keep dating cheaters. Why? Maybe its time to change the type of men you seek out to date.
Author staringin2sun Posted May 13, 2010 Author Posted May 13, 2010 Thank you again for the advice. I did talk to him and we set some boundaries with which we were both comfortable. Thank you Ronni for the sound advice.
CrayonAngel Posted May 13, 2010 Posted May 13, 2010 Why why WHHHYY? would you start up a relationship with a flirt right after recovering from your H's A?? like someone else said, Stay away from men like this!!
Author staringin2sun Posted May 14, 2010 Author Posted May 14, 2010 I ask myself the same question. But I went into it fully knowing how he is. I figure I can either handle it or not, if not, I'll leave. Thanks again for the input.
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