dennisflorida Posted May 12, 2010 Posted May 12, 2010 (edited) I'm really bummed out on myself because, I'm a guitar player. I used to play a lot and played with a lot of groups and was very good. I've done some cool things and travelled and performed on television and it's been cool. I got married then quit music for a while, then we had a child and i've slowly but surely been trying to get back into it. I'm still good but I NEVER practice. i'm in my early 30's. An opportunity came my way to audition for a great money-making band last week. I love the music. And even though i'm married and we have a child and I work a day job & I have a second job (that i'd quit if i was making $ with this band) my wife has always supported me in my music and if I was making $ of course she's be even more supportive BUT, being very busy and all, I didn't practice for the audition, i didn't have time to sit down and play my guitar beforehand and I just knew (Because i read music and know my chords) what the chords were for these songs and so I did an alright job at the audition, I did mess up a few times and don't know if they noticed but they actually praised me for learning the songs so fast and knowing the parts well and for being a great player and after the set got a "we'll call ya, we wanna meet with you again". It's been a few days and I know they were trying out others. The problem i'm having is, WHY...WHY don't i practice? I dream about music all day long. That's all i've ever known for so long and have wanted to do for a living but, I never put myself out there AND i don't force myself to practice. I don't "try" and find the time to practice and better myself. I don't "try" and get into better shape, build up my stamina, build up my fingers again so I can play long sets, etc. I just sit around, dream about it, work my same day job, worry about money, put ads out looking for casual music $ gigs....then I freak out when i actually get a call and need to get learn songs and worry that I haven't played in over a month. I KNOW I could be such an awesome player if I actually practiced more. I know I could do this and make money. I've been told before that i'm great, that I learn songs fast, that i'm a great/nice guy to have in a band because i listen, etc. But if they only knew how rusty I am....because I don't practice. Bottom Line: If I really wanted to do this for a living, Why don't I practice and prepare? Just because I have 2 jobs and a wife and child (which makes it hard) i KNOW i could find 20 minutes a day to practice...rather than let months go by and not practice...Same with Exercise, i know i could fit the time in to stretch or do yoga like i used to, but why don't I? Edited May 12, 2010 by dennisflorida
Ronni_W Posted May 12, 2010 Posted May 12, 2010 (edited) The problem i'm having is, WHY...WHY don't i practice? Why can't you be scared AND lazy? No, just kidding. "Lazy" happens when we're not motivated enough to do whatever it is that we must do to meet our obligations and responsibilities, or tell ourselves we want to do to further our own growth, health or pleasure. I would suggest to get totally, totally, totally, crystal clear on the potential benefits and rewards of committing to and pursuing your musical dreams and aspirations. What can you envision could-would-might be the positive effects on you, individually? Write them all down...dozens or hundreds; small, medium, large, super-size. New list: How might your wife and child benefit from having a happier and more fulfilled human being guiding and supporting them through life? And then do two similar lists for the cons and negative effects -- one list that is purely individual, and the other for your best guesses for your wife and child. It would also be worthwhile to get your wife's input. Ask her to help you by drawing up her own (four) lists. This way, you are no longer just guessing and assuming on her behalf. The following questions are intended to help uncover limiting beliefs that block us from meeting our own needs and achieving our dreams: (a) What is my fear and "laziness" preventing me from being, doing and/or having? (Your answers represent one or more unfulfilled desires.) (b) If I allowed myself to achieve these desires, what would I be? © If I allowed myself to be ______ [the answer from (b) above], one, what unpleasant situation could happen to me and, two, what would people think of me? Best of luck. Fear of success, fear of failure, fear of losing something we already have...it's tough to get to the bottom of it. Sometimes it's all three, and maybe more! Keep a sense of adventure and playfulness as you explore your 'inner world' -- at least you'll finally know what's preventing you from doing what you say you want to do...and then you can make conscious decisions and choices about all of it. EDIT to add: Of course, you can also tell yourself that you're going to practice just for the fun of it, and don't EVER intend to go try-out or play for a band. Tricking your mind this way might make it 'okay' to practice by taking off the pressure that the as-yet-unknown fears are causing. Kind of, start to see practicing as just a fun/relaxing activity...and give yourself permission to have some fun and relaxation time. Maybe? Edited May 12, 2010 by Ronni_W noted
Author dennisflorida Posted May 12, 2010 Author Posted May 12, 2010 (edited) i think it's that i can't justify doing something for myself, taking time away from my Wife and Child to go practice with a band or practice in our bedroom by myself. I feel bad, like i'm not being attentive to my loved ones, I think that's a big part of it. Edited May 12, 2010 by dennisflorida
Ronni_W Posted May 12, 2010 Posted May 12, 2010 What is your personal definition of "being attentive"? Are you really, truly and genuinely "attentive" to your wife and child for every single moment that you are in their company? How needy do you perceive your wife to be, that she can't manage on her own for the 20 minutes a day that you'd be practicing in another room? --- If you don't go deeper than just your first thoughts and feelings, you are not actually giving yourself an opportunity to find a new-better way of thinking, doing or being.
Els Posted May 12, 2010 Posted May 12, 2010 I have the same problem as you. Always dreamed of being a freelance writer or web designer, never had the drive to actually put myself out there and do something about it. Yeah, so my degree is in an entirely unrelated field. Not a good excuse. I honestly think having more free time will help you, though - I recently graduated and am free atm, and I actually DID start writing after that. Something which I hadn't done for years ever since I left highschool due to lack of time.
sumdude Posted May 12, 2010 Posted May 12, 2010 I have the same problem as you. Always dreamed of being a freelance writer or web designer, never had the drive to actually put myself out there and do something about it. Yeah, so my degree is in an entirely unrelated field. Not a good excuse. I honestly think having more free time will help you, though - I recently graduated and am free atm, and I actually DID start writing after that. Something which I hadn't done for years ever since I left highschool due to lack of time. Whatever you do don't stop writing! You may be unemployed and stressed about that. But follow that feeling inside. If you're really into something and put everything into it in one way or another something will break for you. There's nothing better than going to sleep at night thinking about what you're going to accomplish tomorrow rather than waking up in the morning thinking.. gee I have to go to work now.
Author dennisflorida Posted May 12, 2010 Author Posted May 12, 2010 (edited) I've held myself back so many times, it's embarrassing to admit due to feeling guilty or unsure if it was the right move, etc. Now i have a child and I feel a responsibility to be there for her all the time. I do want to be as well. Even before baby was born, i held myself back. I did things that were "safe". I wouldn't take out-of-town gigs sometimes because I didn't want to leave my girl (now my wife) behind for a weekend and if I did, i'd call her all the time while I was gone. She's always supported me though and knew I was a musician when she met me. She's always encouraged me. At this point, with my boring day job, with my music skills (even though i'm a tad rusty now), i'm seeing that I made such a mistake not "going for it" with my playing like I should have. I'd be in a much better place mentally knowing i took a chance and really tried and who knows, i'd probably be a more established player by now with great music work/jobs, something i've loved since I was a kid...But i let things hold me back, fears that probably weren't even there in the first place. I'm going to get off my butt and do it. Edited May 12, 2010 by dennisflorida
Ronni_W Posted May 12, 2010 Posted May 12, 2010 But i let things hold me back, fears that probably weren't even there in the first place. Well, the fears were real enough...just that what was going on in your mind probably had a very, very, teeny-tiny chance of ever happening. Er, real fear but unrealistic/improbable chance of the fear manifesting in your life. (If that makes any more sense than my first sentence? ) But yeah. Now you are totally just using the existence of your wife and child as your excuse and, for back-up, your telling yourself that whole load of bullcrap about how it would make you an inattentive/neglectful husband and father. Good try and nice run...but now you'll have to come clean with yourself, yes? I'm going to get off my butt and do it. Fair deal. Practice a minimum of 10 minutes a day for the next three days...and then post back that you did it. (Your LS buds will help you stay on-track and accountable! )
The Corn Posted May 13, 2010 Posted May 13, 2010 I'm really bummed out on myself because, I'm a guitar player. I used to play a lot and played with a lot of groups and was very good. I've done some cool things and travelled and performed on television and it's been cool. I got married then quit music for a while, then we had a child and i've slowly but surely been trying to get back into it. I'm still good but I NEVER practice. i'm in my early 30's. An opportunity came my way to audition for a great money-making band last week. I love the music. And even though i'm married and we have a child and I work a day job & I have a second job (that i'd quit if i was making $ with this band) my wife has always supported me in my music and if I was making $ of course she's be even more supportive BUT, being very busy and all, I didn't practice for the audition, i didn't have time to sit down and play my guitar beforehand and I just knew (Because i read music and know my chords) what the chords were for these songs and so I did an alright job at the audition, I did mess up a few times and don't know if they noticed but they actually praised me for learning the songs so fast and knowing the parts well and for being a great player and after the set got a "we'll call ya, we wanna meet with you again". It's been a few days and I know they were trying out others. The problem i'm having is, WHY...WHY don't i practice? I dream about music all day long. That's all i've ever known for so long and have wanted to do for a living but, I never put myself out there AND i don't force myself to practice. I don't "try" and find the time to practice and better myself. I don't "try" and get into better shape, build up my stamina, build up my fingers again so I can play long sets, etc. I just sit around, dream about it, work my same day job, worry about money, put ads out looking for casual music $ gigs....then I freak out when i actually get a call and need to get learn songs and worry that I haven't played in over a month. I KNOW I could be such an awesome player if I actually practiced more. I know I could do this and make money. I've been told before that i'm great, that I learn songs fast, that i'm a great/nice guy to have in a band because i listen, etc. But if they only knew how rusty I am....because I don't practice. Bottom Line: If I really wanted to do this for a living, Why don't I practice and prepare? Just because I have 2 jobs and a wife and child (which makes it hard) i KNOW i could find 20 minutes a day to practice...rather than let months go by and not practice...Same with Exercise, i know i could fit the time in to stretch or do yoga like i used to, but why don't I? Hey man, that's awesome! You got a shot. I'm in your same sitaution, but not even at the audition level yet.. still just trying to find people to play with.. and that--I'm scared. First off.. I'm nowhere near your level.. I'm a failed guitarist so I moved to bass.. HOwever, my 2 cents is.. being musicians.. much like artists.. I think we all secretely wish we have this inborn talent that will just "come to us" one day, where we don't have to practice, yet the notes fly off our fingers like magic. Well, I know I do. And 2, I just hate practicing. It's like homework. I always wanted to be good at things like art and music NATURALLY, because I saw in friends, the ones who just "had it" were the ones that came out looking or sounding best. My friends who all practiced 8 hours a day were the ones who "weren't really that good" and you kinda knew it.. So it's like an ego thing. But I don't think your scared.. If you were, you'd be like me and not even think about doing the audition. Another thing, commitment. If you practice and become a pro gigger.. it's forever man.. that practice will have to continue forever. With all those other things you got goin on.. you know you're not going to be 100%. But in bands, and music, people there usually are 100% music. Well.. unless it's like the married husband band lol. I'm still single.. so, there's that whole aspect of it. But anyway, cool thread and good luck.
Peaceful Guy Posted May 13, 2010 Posted May 13, 2010 Now i have a child and I feel a responsibility to be there for her all the time. kids like guitar. maybe she could learn to play the acoustic bass??
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