brokenamy Posted May 12, 2010 Posted May 12, 2010 I was 17 when I met my then best friend F. We started dating a year later and when I was 19, we got married. We now have two kids together and after 7 years of a normal marriage, with normal problems, I left him. I left him because I was angry and hurt, because my attempts to make him see the problems were not working and I believed that if he saw that he was losing me, he would understand and work with me on the problems (they seem so unimportant to me now). It took me 6 months to get over the hurt and anger and to realize that I love this man. I love my husband so much. I am willing to go back together, move to another state, sacrifice a cow, etc... just to get a second chance at making our family whole again. 3 weeks ago, he started dating this single mom of 2 who just came out of an abusive relationship a year ago. She tells him he is an angel from god, the one she's been waiting for and he feels obligated not to break her heart (his words). I know, I have messed up big time (leaving is never a way to teach a lesson and just because you are angry and hurt doesn't mean the love is gone and not buried deep) I want advice on how to get my husband back. I want my kids to have what I didn't have growing up (a stable, 2 parents home) but manly, I want the love of my life back. He says he loves me but he is scared and confused and needs time to figure things out and I am trying to be patient but I don't know what to do. I have lost 15 pounds in 2 weeks, I have cried and I just feel so empty and I feel like time is running out. Please, please help me with any advice. I just want my family whole again and my love back.
Ronni_W Posted May 12, 2010 Posted May 12, 2010 Amy, I'm sorry for what you're going through. I don't have any advice or even words of hope. It is going to be up to your estranged husband to make his own decisions and choices. You might want to suggest or gently encourage him to seek help from a professional so that he can unravel his thoughts, feelings, needs, desires, doubts and confusion. And hopefully after all of that he will have a clear idea of what would best serve his own long-term goals and dreams. Hugs and best.
Author brokenamy Posted May 12, 2010 Author Posted May 12, 2010 Thank you Ronni. I realize that being bitter and clingy won't get my my husband back. I have decided to take care of myself and my kids, making sure I look and feel great, meet with friends and do the things I can to better myself and give myself a life and if he wants me back- at least until I feel nothing for him anymore, I'll be with him but then, I pray it won't be too late. Thanks for being my shoulder today.
TroyNJ Posted May 13, 2010 Posted May 13, 2010 I've seen this 1000 times, people don't realize what they have until they drive it off like a herd full of diseased animals. This mostly is a woman thing.
heartbrokensj Posted May 22, 2010 Posted May 22, 2010 I left him because I was angry and hurt, because my attempts to make him see the problems were not working and I believed that if he saw that he was losing me, he would understand and work with me on the problems (they seem so unimportant to me now). I want advice on how to get my husband back. He says he loves me but he is scared and confused and needs time to figure things out and I am trying to be patient but I don't know what to do. I have lost 15 pounds in 2 weeks, I have cried and I just feel so empty and I feel like time is running out. Please, please help me with any advice. I just want my family whole again and my love back. Brokenamy, sorry for what you are going through. My husband is the one who iniatated our current separation. I guess from reading your story it sort of makes me see things through my husband's lenses (since he is the one who left us). The best thing you can do for yourself if you do want him back is work on you. Show him that you are the happy joyous person that you were once were when things were great btw you 2. Once he sees that this will definitely put you in a completely different light than the other woman. Be available to him but as you already know, but not needy or desparate. Good luck and update us situation.
ComputerJock Posted May 22, 2010 Posted May 22, 2010 I was 17 when I met my then best friend F. We started dating a year later and when I was 19, we got married. We now have two kids together and after 7 years of a normal marriage, with normal problems, I left him. I left him because I was angry and hurt, because my attempts to make him see the problems were not working and I believed that if he saw that he was losing me, he would understand and work with me on the problems (they seem so unimportant to me now). It took me 6 months to get over the hurt and anger and to realize that I love this man. I love my husband so much. I am willing to go back together, move to another state, sacrifice a cow, etc... just to get a second chance at making our family whole again. 3 weeks ago, he started dating this single mom of 2 who just came out of an abusive relationship a year ago. She tells him he is an angel from god, the one she's been waiting for and he feels obligated not to break her heart (his words). I know, I have messed up big time (leaving is never a way to teach a lesson and just because you are angry and hurt doesn't mean the love is gone and not buried deep) I want advice on how to get my husband back. I want my kids to have what I didn't have growing up (a stable, 2 parents home) but manly, I want the love of my life back. He says he loves me but he is scared and confused and needs time to figure things out and I am trying to be patient but I don't know what to do. I have lost 15 pounds in 2 weeks, I have cried and I just feel so empty and I feel like time is running out. Please, please help me with any advice. I just want my family whole again and my love back. I have to ask, when you left was there another man in your life or did your husband think there was another man and this was your reason for leaving? This would put a completely different slant on your leaving and his finding someone else.
spiderowl Posted May 25, 2010 Posted May 25, 2010 My honest feeling is that if you did get back together again, then some weeks later you'd be right back to square one and feeling angry with him again. What has changed about his behaviour? What was it that bothered you before? Why did these things (that seem so unimportant now) bother you so much before? I think you are lonely and perhaps grieving a lost relationship so you think having it back would help. Before you risk messing yourself up as well as him, think about why you left. If you decide you do want to make a go of it and he agrees (which looks tenuous at the moment), then it might be an idea to learn some new strategies for dealing with issues that arise, maybe to get some counselling. Also, you left before rather than deal with things - is this always the way you deal with problems? That's something to consider, your normal approach to resolving difficulties. I wish you all the best, whatever you and he decide. If it is true love, then you will be better motivated this time round.
Author brokenamy Posted May 28, 2010 Author Posted May 28, 2010 I do not want my spouse back because I am lonely and mourning. I did not leave him for another man. I left because he did not trust me because of his own issues. I want us to go to counseling, I want us to get back to our marriage and fix whatever was broken and raise our two beautiful kids. He calls and tells me he misses me, he still loves me and for me to wait for him because he feels like he can't leave this woman without hurting her. (she was abused and leans totally on him). He says he is confused and torn and all I am looking for is advice as far as what I can do to win my spouse back because if we get back together, I will not leave again because this time around, I know when and where to go for help. I am in counseling now and I am so ready to make this work. I wish he could see it. Please guys, you've been there, you know. Help?
heartbrokensj Posted May 30, 2010 Posted May 30, 2010 He says he is confused and torn and all I am looking for is advice as far as what I can do to win my spouse back because if we get back together, I will not leave again because this time around, I know when and where to go for help. I am in counseling now and I am so ready to make this work. I wish he could see it. Please guys, you've been there, you know. Help? In order to get him back, and to help him stop feeling confused, show him the woman that you were when you both first fell in love...don't act needy, act confident, show him the happy side of yourself by remembering what used to make you happy and confident despite your situation and this will help with your self-esteem and get his attention in a way you cannot even imagine...The other woman right now is new and interesting, but that will wear off... you can possibly win him back and get back to feeling good about yourself, when you stop looking at what he is doing and do positive things to make yourself feel good....i know this hard to understand but it works wonders...
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