starrr Posted May 12, 2010 Posted May 12, 2010 (edited) New to the blog and need to let some stuff out. My situation. First love. Dated 10 Months. During the last month he pulled away. Probably because he knew that he was going to end it. I felt it. In the beginning I thought it was weird and played it off, but as the month progressed realized my relationship might end soon. During this time I also felt that he may be interested in someone else because he hung out with her, a coworker (and others in a group setting) a few times. We live 1.5 hours away so it was difficult to meet during the week, although we spoke/texted, and video chatted during the week, weekends were our time together. As expected, I got a phone call. He told me that he wanted to breakup, and I did not fight it - I was surprisingly calm. Told me that it was the distance. I asked if there was anyone else, and he said no. He told me to keep some generous items that belonged to him, and I said ok. I thanked him for loving me and wished him happiness in the future. I could tell in his voice that he was shocked at how well it was going. We ended by saying I love you for the last time, and that was my last contact. I gave myself the day after to grieve the loss. I had no urge to call/text etc. A couple of days after I found out that my suspicions about the coworker may have been true. I was in shock, but not at the same time. I actually partyied with that girl a few times and she always told me how cute I was with him... Still, everything I had felt was coming true. So for the past couple of months while with me he liked her. I can see it all clearly now, especially on facebook through conspicious status updates. They don't know that I know.... And now I am standing by my decision to not contact him (I was going to ask him for some clothes back, but it's just clothes and I can always get more). I tell my self every day that I did nothing wrong, and that I left the relationship in such a good light that I don't want to tarnish that last moment. I won't be going back to him. But I still care/think about him (which is probably why I can't sleep = still dealing with emotional stress). I have my peace. But deep down I wish he would show me that everything we went through meant something to him too. I don't expect him to call, I don't expect anything actually. I have a feeling he thinks I'm devastated, but I'm not and it's only been a little over a week. I just want him to be happy, period. People tell me my heart is too kind. So we also have mutual friends. My closest friend are his aswell. So eventually we may see eachother again and I don't want anything to be weird. Like I said earlier, I did nothing wrong, so if anything he carries the burden of guilt. But is it possible for he and I to become friends? Deep down I would like him to call and check up on me so that I can show him I'm doing really good. Idk.. Does anyone have any insight as to how men work when doing this because I am very new to relationships? Sorry for the long post. I just want to get other opinions and this is as brief as I could make it. Thanks! Edited May 12, 2010 by starrr
hurtandheartbroken Posted May 13, 2010 Posted May 13, 2010 How you feel and how you're reacting is very normal (and actually on the very calm side of normal) I think you mentally checked out because your suspicions allowed you to brace yourself for the impact. Why do PEOPLE do this (women do it, too) I guess they just feel they're doing you a favor by not telling you the 'real' reasons they're leaving and softening the blow. And in all fairness, sometimes dating people may find someone they feel is more "suited for them" and they leave (and have every right to do so) even though it hurts to the person being broken up with. In marriage however, I feel more effort into working things out should be given. On that note, I feel all good things are worth fighting for and if he was unhappy, he could have worked it out or left. He simply didn't feel the urge to "fight" or work it out. I hope he didn't cheat because that negates EVERYTHING and he's no longer a man leaving to pursue something else, he's a low life cheater. Those "coded" facebook status messages are disgusting. I'm sorry it happened this way. Sometimes a change in perspective helps. Someone like her who sees you together and yet had no problem participating in ending your relationship (though the HUGE responsibility is on HIM) is just low, she laughed with you, partied with you, complimented you and yet this happens. Just allow yourself to see how blessed you were 10 months wasn't 10 years and he left to open the way to someone who is FOR you and not someone who won't be honest and let you know what's REALLY going on. *hugs*
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