Ihavenoidea Posted May 12, 2010 Posted May 12, 2010 I was just curious what most women think of emailing in between dates especially after a first date. I have met a lot of women online an it seems we email back and forth a lot before the first date and once we get each others numbers and go on a first date it seems like communication just drops off after that. We might still communiate but its not really on a deep level and it seems both parties eventually lose interest. Texting and calling seems too hounding. I went out on a first date saturday and I have only texted her a couple times since because she doesnt get home until really late during the work week and then she goes to bed so I dont really want to bother her as she is really busy. I really missed emailing her I have started doing that. I am pretty sure she is interested because she always responds and she let me kiss her after the first date. Anyways I was wondering what the perception of emailing was? I have never done it in a dating sense before and just wondered what people thought. To me its more in depth and can have a little deeper conversation that just a few quick messages back and forth. Calling in person is always great but like I said with limited time this seems ok. What you do all think?
tkgirl Posted May 12, 2010 Posted May 12, 2010 I was just curious what most women think of emailing in between dates especially after a first date. I have met a lot of women online an it seems we email back and forth a lot before the first date and once we get each others numbers and go on a first date it seems like communication just drops off after that. We might still communiate but its not really on a deep level and it seems both parties eventually lose interest. Texting and calling seems too hounding. I went out on a first date saturday and I have only texted her a couple times since because she doesnt get home until really late during the work week and then she goes to bed so I dont really want to bother her as she is really busy. I really missed emailing her I have started doing that. I am pretty sure she is interested because she always responds and she let me kiss her after the first date. Anyways I was wondering what the perception of emailing was? I have never done it in a dating sense before and just wondered what people thought. To me its more in depth and can have a little deeper conversation that just a few quick messages back and forth. Calling in person is always great but like I said with limited time this seems ok. What you do all think? I think that it's ok to email in the beginning especially when you both have pretty busy schedules or whatever... but after a couple dates and things start to get more established then calling is always better. I'm a little leery of dating a guy that seems more comfortable texting or emailing but not calling me... makes me think he's dating around or is too insecure/shy to actually talk to me when we are not together... only emailing me can come off as a little cold or unfriendly... IMHO.
Author Ihavenoidea Posted May 12, 2010 Author Posted May 12, 2010 I completely agree. It would just be in the beginning. After a couple dates I will move away from it and starting calling or texting more. I have tried to call twice since the date and she hasnt answered to either. First time she didn't answer but sent an immediate text saying she was at dinner with her folks. Second time she didnt answer I sent a follow up text and we chatted for about 15 minutes before she went to bed. I am mixing it up a little but I just dont want to come on too strongly so I though emailing was a really good way to communicate initially without coming off the wrong way.
tkgirl Posted May 12, 2010 Posted May 12, 2010 I completely agree. It would just be in the beginning. After a couple dates I will move away from it and starting calling or texting more. I have tried to call twice since the date and she hasnt answered to either. First time she didn't answer but sent an immediate text saying she was at dinner with her folks. Second time she didnt answer I sent a follow up text and we chatted for about 15 minutes before she went to bed. I am mixing it up a little but I just dont want to come on too strongly so I though emailing was a really good way to communicate initially without coming off the wrong way. yeah, if you met online and it's only been one date then an email is ok... but have you asked her out again and set up a second date? calling her now a couple times might be a little much after just one date without plans for a second date... ugh, I don't envy you... it's a always a fine line for what is too much communication vs. what's not enough in the beginning... but then things should eventually fall into place!
DustySaltus Posted May 12, 2010 Posted May 12, 2010 I've always had this communication scale in my head that equated what interest level she had in me (1 being the highest). 1. Consistent Face to Face time 2. Calls 3. Texts 4. Any IM's 5. Emails 5. Facebook-Friend Requests, Chats 6. Mail 7. Silence
Author Ihavenoidea Posted May 12, 2010 Author Posted May 12, 2010 lol, it is indeed a very fine line. The day after our first date I asked her for a second the following weekend and she said she might have to work saturday; a couple days later, I asked her if she wanted to do something Sunday, I said I know she has to work on saturday but there is an air show in town and it only comes once a year. She loves photos so i thought it would be a good opportunity for that and a date She is a getting a tattoo saturday evening and she said sh would go depending on how she felt. Its under her arm and she said if she can wear a bra she will go. I dont know, im thinking she will bail but who knows. I dont want to keep trying to schedule something. How should I approah this?
phineas Posted May 12, 2010 Posted May 12, 2010 There was some dateing agency woman on one of the radio shows the other day. She said men need to e-mail as little as possible & move for a meeting as fast as possible in a public space. Coffee, icecream ect. She said excessive e-mail builds up expectations in a womans mind that nobody can meet in person. She said if it takes a woman more than a week to nail down a date to move on because she just isn't all that interested. I think I agree. You are on a dateing site to meet someone. That isn't going to happen if you insist on a months worth of e-mails before you meet.
Author Ihavenoidea Posted May 12, 2010 Author Posted May 12, 2010 So should I back off a little, maybe test to see if she tries to contact me if I dont first? I am the one always initiating the contact, but she continues to respond so I am not sure. I figured she wants to be chased a little.
Philetus Posted May 12, 2010 Posted May 12, 2010 I was just curious what most women think of emailing in between dates especially after a first date. This is a great question and I'm enjoying reading the responses. I'm a guy, BTW. My main consideration when communicating after a first date is, 'what message do I want to send to this person'? If the date has been great then I want to send the message that I had a terrific time, that I WANT to see her again, but I don't NEED to see her again. I tend to stick to 2-3 communications per week (usually text or email). I talk about how wonderful spending time with her was and usually recall an event or joke that we shared on the date. In other words, I make each email/text meaningful not just a 'thinking of you' type thing. I make it clear that I want to see her again and give a couple of options for getting together ("hey, I'm free Friday night or Sunday afternoon"). I don't rearrange my schedule to see her for a second date as that indicates a 'need' to see her. I don't want to start a relationship that way. BTW... I wouldn't respect a woman who'd rearrange her schedule to meet me for a second date, either.
Author Ihavenoidea Posted May 12, 2010 Author Posted May 12, 2010 Thats a really good point. Mostof the communication that I have sent has been about something we talked about on ou first date. Like her tattoo or the books we read. The last email I sent was just some small talk and I aske if she read a book that I had just purchased and wondered if she read it and liked it. I wont change my schedule but if something opens up i want to leave it available for her but I dont want to appear to be too available. I asked her out for sunday and got a 'maybe' and it seems like a legit maybe. Friday I had plans and they fell through so I was thinking that if she ever emails me back i can send one out saying that my plans fell through and we can do either friday or sunday giving her options, while not changing my schedule. Then the ball is in her court and either she wants to see me or not. Right?
Philetus Posted May 12, 2010 Posted May 12, 2010 Thats a really good point. Mostof the communication that I have sent has been about something we talked about on ou first date. Like her tattoo or the books we read. The last email I sent was just some small talk and I aske if she read a book that I had just purchased and wondered if she read it and liked it. I wont change my schedule but if something opens up i want to leave it available for her but I dont want to appear to be too available. I asked her out for sunday and got a 'maybe' and it seems like a legit maybe. Friday I had plans and they fell through so I was thinking that if she ever emails me back i can send one out saying that my plans fell through and we can do either friday or sunday giving her options, while not changing my schedule. Then the ball is in her court and either she wants to see me or not. Right? Yeah, that sounds great. "I'd love to see you again. This is when I'm available. I hope it works out." If you're too accommodating out of the gate, she will start taking advantage of that, or won't respect you. If you email/text too much, you give the same impression. She'll think, "oh, he's really into me and isn't going anywhere, so I can relax." You want her to work on getting together as much as you do. Good luck.
tkgirl Posted May 12, 2010 Posted May 12, 2010 Yeah, that sounds great. "I'd love to see you again. This is when I'm available. I hope it works out." If you're too accommodating out of the gate, she will start taking advantage of that, or won't respect you. If you email/text too much, you give the same impression. She'll think, "oh, he's really into me and isn't going anywhere, so I can relax." You want her to work on getting together as much as you do. Good luck. um yeah.. I wouldn't keep asking her out if I were you. She sounds like she's being too aloof about the whole thing and maybe not that interested. If I really liked a guy and he asked me out for a second date, I wouldn't be giving him a "maybe" at all. If I already had plans I wouldn't change them but I would offer another time that would work for me... ugh, dating...
phineas Posted May 12, 2010 Posted May 12, 2010 um yeah.. I wouldn't keep asking her out if I were you. She sounds like she's being too aloof about the whole thing and maybe not that interested. If I really liked a guy and he asked me out for a second date, I wouldn't be giving him a "maybe" at all. If I already had plans I wouldn't change them but I would offer another time that would work for me... ugh, dating... This is exactly how I plan to view it once I get that "you are no longer married" piece of paper from the courts.
Author Ihavenoidea Posted May 12, 2010 Author Posted May 12, 2010 um yeah.. I wouldn't keep asking her out if I were you. She sounds like she's being too aloof about the whole thing and maybe not that interested. If I really liked a guy and he asked me out for a second date, I wouldn't be giving him a "maybe" at all. If I already had plans I wouldn't change them but I would offer another time that would work for me... ugh, dating... I last emailed her at 10:00 pm yesterday and havent heard anything today but I know she has been in her gmail most of the day because the chat light is green when someone is on. Looks like she isnt interested or could be busy, but either way she should be putting in some efort. Why did she have to lead me on like that.
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