kittahsneak Posted May 12, 2010 Posted May 12, 2010 Been lurking on this site for sometime, some great people and great advice on this board! I apologize for the long novel like story but I feel like I need to provide a good amount of detail to my situation, hope I can get some honest feedback. Its been about two month since my girlfriend broke up with me. She never gave any closure or a specific reason, she said just wanted some time. During the first month I took the time to care of myself and realized what went wrong; started to take things for granted and the relationship was not going anywhere ( I was being selfish). And her older sister had told me she had an anxiety attack which probably triggered the breakup. During this time also I did NC for three weeks and slowly started up light contact and having light conversations. She has noticed I have changed for the better (getting my priorities straight, lost weight, new wardrobe etc.)when she came over to get some of her things but not all of it. She even mentioned on the phone later that night, "when I broke up with my previous boyfriend I didnt like talking to him because he was still the same, but you, I know you've changed; I need people like you in my life." She still gives me the time of the day to talk to her (after starting the LC we'd sometimes talk for hours) and sometimes we still talk as if we are in a relationship without the I love you; I even openly flirt with her to get a feel for her and its not like she has shut me down. After more contact she finally opened up about what went wrong in the relationship, it was nothing serious, she just didnt see it going anywhere (she was more committed then i was now that i see it which makes me her back even more) but yet I still did not get closure or was told to move on or see different people maybe she was comfortable to talk me about the relationship as emotions settled. She has said to me tho that she still needs time but she has also made it clear to her friends that she is not interested in anyone new. I then went NC for 2weeks after this. She wanted to move to Nevada a few months ago which at the time I had said no. This past weekend I told her I might move to Nevada in the coming months and asked if she'd be interested in coming with me to look at some units. She accepted my offer but she also told me she was leaving the country with her family for a month and that I'd have to wait for her to come back after first. I told her that might be too long but Id figure it out. She also suggested eating and doing some activities together in Nevada when we get there that we had done together as a couple while we were there last time. Then later I even asked her if she would want to consider maybe getting a place together and split things 50/50 etc. I felt like I had nothing to lose and to my surprise she accepted the offer and was very interested in getting a place with me. She even mentioned "we can pick out a nice tv and furniture's together "and other sayings of doing things together. This is where things get interesting as Im getting more then I expected. The next morning she contacts me saying her family is no longer is leaving the country for vacation and that she can go with me whenever, she even suggested going earlier and during a holiday week rather than any other typical week ( a coincidence that original plans change one day later?) Then She even told me she had a free stay at a 5star hotel that she was going to use (shes covering the hotel now too! {i had not even planned to decide which hotel id select at this point either}). Couple days pass, she contacts me again and asked if I had any plans that day which I did and wasnt able to avoid it but she mentioned she wanted to take me to dinner and have her show her some units I was looking at and such. I told her that we should do it another day and Id let her know when Im free. Ive also noticed as time progressed from the intial breakup her attitude towards has changed alot and seems more positive. Now this is where I need you advice/help. Am I looking at things too hard/ mixed signals?? Am I setting myself up for disappointment? I don't want to be living in Nevada with her as room mates and such if we're only going to be friends, unless we get back together. Should I perhaps ask her about working things out when we get to Nevada? Or should I just not even say anything and keep letting things unfold?? Or does she already want me back and is waiting for my next move??? I know an ex is an ex for a reason, but I truly see a future with this girl after having much time to reflect on things. I would grealty appreciate everyones feedback!
magda Posted May 12, 2010 Posted May 12, 2010 I think you are setting yourself up for problems if you move without a clear commitment. you're not going to want to be her roommate if she's dating other people. It does sound like there's hope for it working out. I think you should try and see her as often as you can before this weekend trip, and get to the point where you can talk seriously about your goals and intentions with each other.
Tim The Enchanter Posted May 12, 2010 Posted May 12, 2010 I think you are setting yourself up for problems if you move without a clear commitment. you're not going to want to be her roommate if she's dating other people. It does sound like there's hope for it working out. I think you should try and see her as often as you can before this weekend trip, and get to the point where you can talk seriously about your goals and intentions with each other. I agree with this, you definitely should be clear with her about the terms of your moving in together. I know why you've done it, but personally I think you need a proper reconciliation before considering anything like that. I've known exes who have shared a house together before. That didn't help the guy, my friend, from getting back with her. I'm not saying you won't, but the moving in bit is no guarantee on its own. You do say she seems more positive. You know her better than anyone on this board does, so if she seems more positive to you, then she is probably thinking more positive too. I know that I can tell when a woman has lost her passion for me, and I can also tell when the flame has been rekindled.
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