jwi71 Posted May 12, 2010 Posted May 12, 2010 Am I the only one NOT surprised alg24 is back? I swear, she must LOVE this drama because she continually CHOOSES and ENABLES it. How many more times are you going to go back and touch the hot stove only to get burned. At some point, you'll resist because getting burned sucks. Until then...
ladydesigner Posted May 12, 2010 Posted May 12, 2010 Am I the only one NOT surprised alg24 is back? I swear, she must LOVE this drama because she continually CHOOSES and ENABLES it. How many more times are you going to go back and touch the hot stove only to get burned. At some point, you'll resist because getting burned sucks. Until then... Yeah but until an addict realizes they are better off without the drug they need help which is why she is posting here.
fooled once Posted May 12, 2010 Posted May 12, 2010 My dear, dear dear! Wow. First of all, this man is a genius. If you didn't give him herpes, then is OOW did, and gave you all her wonderful gift that keeps on giving. I am so sorry for you. I believe you by the way; otherwise you wouldn't come here and post with such a vent. Anyway, trust me, he needed you to be the scapegoat so that he can protect his new FB. Sorry babe, it's so obvious from the outside looking in. I'd have him followed for a day or two and get the info on his new main squeeze. True, he may have done the nasty keying and other fine work but it could also be from another OW. Either way, you can send the pics of his new gal to his W and the police to get them ALL off your back. Hugs dear. Hope it all ends soon. Stay away from that one! WF, the last thing she needs to do is the bolded - she needs to quit obsessing and allowing this loser to use her. Alg, you know I am basically at a loss for words over all this. You continue to let it happen. You continue to let him back in. You continue to let him back in your bed. You continue to drag yourself into all this. If you had just stayed away from him... If you would just stop answering his calls.... If you would quit doing anything to stay connected to him (like giving him a phone).... If you would STOP answering any call from ANYONE you don't know.... Are you the 'textor'? I have no idea. Only you know the truth to that. The fact that you have friends involved in all this is just sad The best thing you could do is change your phone number (cell and house) and STOP letting him into your home. We KNOW it is hard. We have all been there (for the most part). But part of breaking a cycle IS hard and it hurts. But you are using that as an excuse as to why you continue...because it is hard, and it hurts. If you want it over with - you DO have the power to end it. Because it hasn't ended, shows me you truly don't want it to end. So embrace being the OW to this gigantic loser. Continue to stay involved in this crap. Let life pass you by while you wonder where he is, what he is doing, if he is going to call/text/come by, etc. Stop complaining about it because you are choosing to not do anything different. You know the definition of insanity right? Doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results. You also know I want you happy - so if being with this gigantic loser makes you happy - go for it. But if you truly want a shot at life outside of all this drama, then stop doing what you have been doing and let him go. ((hug))
jthorne Posted May 12, 2010 Posted May 12, 2010 Am I the only one NOT surprised alg24 is back? I swear, she must LOVE this drama because she continually CHOOSES and ENABLES it. How many more times are you going to go back and touch the hot stove only to get burned. At some point, you'll resist because getting burned sucks. Until then... No, not surprised. But certainly saddened and disappointed by it. Alg, you seemed to be doing well. I'm so sorry you can't seem to break this cycle or whatever it is. I really wish you would get some help. I don't know what else to say to you, especially that FO already hasn't. What a shame.
GreenEyedLady Posted May 12, 2010 Posted May 12, 2010 Anyone consider that the BS is behind it? He has herpes, gave you herpes, wife claims she is not infected. The herpes had to come from SOMEWHERE. So its either another OW or the wife is setting people up as revenge. This is what I actually thought, too... If he doesn't have sex with his W, maybe she wouldn't be infected either-but highly unlikely if they've been married a long time; she probably just isn't admitting it... And it may give her personal satisfaction that the woman who slept with her H got the gift that keeps on giving. Either way, someone's a whack job here. Change your number and try to forget about their drama. GEL
Author alg24 Posted May 13, 2010 Author Posted May 13, 2010 At this point, I don't know whether to hug you or slap you. I did not post out of any disrespect toward you. I meant to point out that your actions do not match your words. And at this point, since you have not removed yourself from the situation, all the drama is on you. You continue to participate.Then this is the longest breakup I have seen in my life. There is only one other on here that has continued to let MM back in as many times as you have. Sure, everyone has weak moments. But again, you do not do the work to change your situation. You do the same things, but expect a different result. Everyone here gives you advice, but so far, it looks like you have ignored that advice. Like I said, you come here to vent, but don't seem interested in changing the situation. You expect your MM to get tired of you and change the situation himself. That's not going to happen as long as you continue to make yourself available.Then act like it! A person who is "done" with another person, does not let that person sleep in her bed, nor does she stroke his hair and tell him everything will be okay. A person that is done with another person changes their phone number, blocks all calls, cuts all contact, even gets another job if necessary. You have allowed yourself to continue to be dragged into this texting drama. If you were done, you wouldn't care what he and his family did. In fact, you probably wouldn't even know what was going on with him and his family, because you would be so far detached from the situation.Oh really? Then why do you two continue to torment each other? Why does he come to your home? Why do you let him in when he does? Why do you keep saying it is over because HE is done? Why aren't YOU done? Again, this must be the longest breakup ever. Two or three weeks ago, you said he was done. Yet he came back didn't he? And you let him in. The next time he knocks at your door, you will let him in again. You say you have weak moments, yet you do little to nothing to take yourself out of the situation where these weak moments occur. Fantastic. This is a very good start in making your actions match your words. Just make sure that MM doesn't get that new phone number. I appreciate everything you have written and its very true... Its been the LONGEST "break-up" ever. My number will be changed. (My father is in Europe right now and I cannot touch the account-- BUT I only use my phone when I need it! Seriously! It usually is in the car during the nights. During the day I do NOT keep it near me...) I have zero idea where or what MM is doing with his life and I do not care. I will be leaving this small seasonal town in about a week and a half and heading north =) During that time I will be keeping myself busy.
Author alg24 Posted May 13, 2010 Author Posted May 13, 2010 Alg, I know my posts seem harsh. I really don't mean them to be. I do know you are hurting, and I am sorry for that. But I can not for the life of me figure out why you continue to let him dictate the terms of your relationship. I'm sad that you haven't changed your number before now. That it's taken police involvement for you to do so. To me, the fact that you let him sleep over is far more important than this texting nonsense. Every time he contacts you, you respond, even if it's only to defend yourself. Every time he comes over, you get weak and let him in. I know it's hard. I really do. One of my oldest friends has been in a destructive relationship for well over 20 years now. She can't say no to him, for whatever reason. She lets him tell her when it's over and when it's not. When he comes calling, she lets him in. When he throws her out like trash, she cries. She's now a drunk with zero self worth that has taken every antidepressant known to man. She will not take control over her own happiness, she depends upon him for it. I'm not comparing you to her, but I think you are letting your MM control far more of your life than he needs to. I truly cannot for the life of me understand this "attraction" to MM. Actually, when the police deputy saw me he said "The biggest question is how a man like --- got a girl like you!" I see this is something much deeper than I realize and I need to work on myself big time. I am not looking to date etc. I think a lot of it to was he was my first... and NONE of this is an excuse! But I lived on my own at a very young age (17) and I was very dependent. My family and I are close but they are far away... I met this man when I was (19) he was (36) and he knew how to play me. I take part in my actions and I know I am to blame as well... But he was my first in many ways.... And I feel in love with him... In the beginning it was not all bad... Then when everything got bad I tried to fix. Insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results. For him it was easy to stay! Especially with the rest of his life falling apart. The deputy said in this harassing texting thing "99% of this is (MM)" But I cannot understand my attraction. He has NOTHING to offer me. He is 17 years older than me! English is a second language and he is not well schooled... We are COMPLETELY different people... hmm...
Author alg24 Posted May 13, 2010 Author Posted May 13, 2010 My dear, dear dear! Wow. First of all, this man is a genius. If you didn't give him herpes, then is OOW did, and gave you all her wonderful gift that keeps on giving. I am so sorry for you. I believe you by the way; otherwise you wouldn't come here and post with such a vent. Anyway, trust me, he needed you to be the scapegoat so that he can protect his new FB. Sorry babe, it's so obvious from the outside looking in. I'd have him followed for a day or two and get the info on his new main squeeze. True, he may have done the nasty keying and other fine work but it could also be from another OW. Either way, you can send the pics of his new gal to his W and the police to get them ALL off your back. Hugs dear. Hope it all ends soon. Stay away from that one! I thought perhaps it could be another woman... And on a none emotional view point I am 90% sure there is nobody... During season I was ALWAYS with him unless he was with his kids... If he was with his kids his W was usually out (and I had friends seeing her out) They never hired a babysitter nor do they have the money... I wish there was another woman... seriously.. ha It would make things easier The last couple weeks we have been in the small seasonal town (if he is still here) and its EMPTY Not to mention I know how he works... When he is overwhelmed and in a crazy state he does not want to be near people... He likes to have his space... Perhaps there is another woman.. would not surprise me BUT he isn't much of a catch (Yes, why am I with him?) And he is 38y/o horse care taker and WAIT! jobless right now I do feel bad coming on LS in such a vent sometimes... But he gave me the herpes over a year ago... 100% he gave it to me. My blood work showed negative and culture came back positive.
Author alg24 Posted May 13, 2010 Author Posted May 13, 2010 Anyone consider that the BS is behind it? He has herpes, gave you herpes, wife claims she is not infected. The herpes had to come from SOMEWHERE. So its either another OW or the wife is setting people up as revenge. Knowing the W I truly do not think she would do it.. Just does not seem like her style... (The harassing etc.-- setting herself up) I think MM has been unfaithful for a long time... And the way herpes works... You can get it only during an outbreak. He could have had it for a long time and she could have dodged the bullet... He is gone 6 months out of the year... W is 40 now... Had kids in her later 30s... Honestly I think MM has been unfaithful on the road and she accepts it BUT when he came back town years ago she knew something was up... Not this past October- April but the year before when he came back he was always always with me. Thats how she caught on. I guess he kept denying it but she wasn't stupid... I am not trying to be naive. But whatever.
Author alg24 Posted May 13, 2010 Author Posted May 13, 2010 I don't know who's behind it, but we all know who is in the center of it- MM. And the cop was right, 99% of this is MM. I just desperately wish that Alg would see that she does not need to participate in this in any way. Every time she defends herself, she just adds grist to the mill. Hopefully her changing her number will take her out of this silly loop. That hits it 100% on the nail! I NEED to stop defending myself. I desperately try so hard to be accepted etc. that I want to defend myself.. I need to STOP. I do not owe these people anything and I have done NOTHING. I need to wash my hands, step out of this nightmare and be done. I am doing that! And have been doing that.
Author alg24 Posted May 13, 2010 Author Posted May 13, 2010 Btw this post should be a sticky!-as a reminder that MM's can go from 'you are the love of my life' to 'thrown under a bus' at lightning speed. Out of interest, what did he used to act like/tell you about leaving his W? Very true... They are getting divorced He use to tell me he wanted to be with me.. I said impossible Now he says yes I am getting a divorced and wants to be left alone
Author alg24 Posted May 13, 2010 Author Posted May 13, 2010 Am I the only one NOT surprised alg24 is back? I swear, she must LOVE this drama because she continually CHOOSES and ENABLES it. How many more times are you going to go back and touch the hot stove only to get burned. At some point, you'll resist because getting burned sucks. Until then... Thanks... Okay, I will stop posting on LS. Seriously, I am sorry everyone.. Really sorry. (Not looking for pitty) Have you thought maybe I do NOT like the drama but its so hard for me to let go? The police told me "I need to stop thinking with my heart." And I barely said anything to him... I do not enjoy the drama but think what you want. Thank you everyone.
Author alg24 Posted May 14, 2010 Author Posted May 14, 2010 Hi everyone-- Thank you all for your advice and wisdom. I know you feel like your banging your head on a brick way. I truly do not love this drama, and I don't understand why I keep dealing with MM. BUT I am done. Those are words, yes, but over the course of time it shall be proof. I do NOT think the W is behind this.. I think she has been unfairly thrown into this screwed up mess which she did not deserve... I think its beyond sick and twisted she is getting harassed. I have a feeling its NOT another woman. This season (October- April) MM had so many problems, drama, and did I mention problems I cannot see where he would find the time. If he was not with me he was working or spending time with the kids. If this happened in October/November I could see this perhaps being an OW from the summer. I am not pretending I am the only one.. Not stupid.. I do not know... But during season I am pretty confident to say I was the only woman he was with... My feeling (since the number I dealt with...) its a man who is screwing with him... From the information (the textor/caller) he has given me I think he is someone MM has known throughout the years that it friends with someone... When these guys leave this seasonal town they go to random places where there is not much to do. This sick twisted f*** probably is bored and looking for revenge? The W gave the textor/caller fuel (mentioned their marital problems and how they are heading for divorce, herpes, etc.) This guy seems to know surface information about W, MM, and myself but clearly not that much. I don't understand it! But instead of obsessing about it I'm washing my hands. I don't understand why this is happening now.. It started two weeks before MM was suppose to leave for the summer... I do NOT care what MM does. I would NOT have people follow him. He is NOT my husband etc. I need to be DONE with this... Not obsess and question. Congrats to him if he has a new woman!
Author alg24 Posted May 14, 2010 Author Posted May 14, 2010 So what it comes down to is I do NOT think MM, or W is behind these text messages. I am NOT. After the police spoke to me, that night I got text messages/calls (sure MM and W did as well if I did) I cannot control the actions of others. If they find this person or do not find this person I truly do not care. Yes its upsetting to me but I cannot control it SO what I am doing is having my number changed and moving forward onto a different path. My friends do NOT speak to MM or text him. My older friend texted him in regards to his clothing awhile back (Because I did not want to deal with him) Yes I did get herpes from him Feb. of last year. Its a very f*** situation. And all I can do is move forward onto a different path of life (which I will prove over time) MM works in the sport of polo. Its very latin... I think he pissed someone off at some point and they are screwing with him... Playing with him... Thats what I think. When this all started he had one guy in mind (I knew the guy and I could see it) but the guy swore up and down he had zero involvement in this... But I am angry (which is normal) and beyond hurt. The deputy said that this one textor said I requested him to text the W so bad. (I NEVER did that and morally how could a person do that and have any credit?) MM remembered that I had a friend that name (first) and both these people were from the same country... (A couple weeks later MM was trying to hang out with me so clearly it did not impact him that much) Regardless I will protect myself but I was my hands!
2sunny Posted May 14, 2010 Posted May 14, 2010 you still haven't changed your number? sheez, get a new number and just throw that phone away! it's not that expensive to just start anew. quit relying on your Daddy for everything. you say you earn money - so act like a responsible adult and leave your Dad out of it. get a basic phone and plan = minimal money. IMMEDIATELY! unless, of course, you like this drama... such a simple solution that should have been done weeks ago - yet you still stall and complain. you have NO ONE to blame but yourself!
fooled once Posted May 14, 2010 Posted May 14, 2010 Alg, re-read the last few posts on this thread you did.... it is all about him, the 'textor', the cop, the W.... You are still all wrapped up in it. THIS is what we are all talking about. This stuff happened in the last 3 days and you are ALL wrapped up in it, trying to figure out who it is, etc. STOP. Stop obsessing. Stop worrying about it. Stop trying to convince us and anyone who will listen that it isn't you, who it could be, etc. This is the drama. This is the obsession. Be done with it and put it out of your head. IF you didn't do it, then drop it.
Author alg24 Posted May 14, 2010 Author Posted May 14, 2010 Alg, re-read the last few posts on this thread you did.... it is all about him, the 'textor', the cop, the W.... You are still all wrapped up in it. THIS is what we are all talking about. This stuff happened in the last 3 days and you are ALL wrapped up in it, trying to figure out who it is, etc. STOP. Stop obsessing. Stop worrying about it. Stop trying to convince us and anyone who will listen that it isn't you, who it could be, etc. This is the drama. This is the obsession. Be done with it and put it out of your head. IF you didn't do it, then drop it. 100% True! I was about to post something else but I had to run out of the house... And what I was going to post is what you wrote BUT I am done! (And it will show in time) I have NOTHING else to say nor will I say anything else! I do NOT care and I am walking away. Well, err, running fast. My best friend asked me today if I had any idea of who it is... I said I really do not care... We really even didn't discuss the whole thing... Or what happened. I don't feel its necessary... It only delays my healing process. So as I said, time will show... I am excited to be leaving and heading north Also, I am redoing my apartment.. Painting etc. =) I look forward to what lays ahead and not looking back!
PhoenixRise Posted May 14, 2010 Posted May 14, 2010 Alg24 The reason some people are saying that you must enjoy the drama is because the whole time all of this has been going on, you have had the absolute power to make it STOP. The continuation of this drama requires your participation. Personally I don't think you are enjoying the drama. I think your self esteem is so shot to hell that there is no impulse in you telling you that you deserve better than this. I don't even see a basic survival instinct in you that would have had anyone else running for the hills. The problem is that nobody can save you right now but you and I am not so sure you are up to the job. Take a hammer and smash that phone to bits. You can get another with a new number. When this MM knocks on your door again tell him you never want to see him or hear from him again. Tell him you will get a RO. If there is any part of you that is still fantasizing about the possibility of a happily ever after with this man, please introduce this part of yourself to the reality that because of this man you could land up in jail and he would be the one to put you there. It doesn't matter who the textor is. It doesn't matter if MM has another OW. Ending a relationship permanently is usually painful for somebody. Even if it is clear that the relationship it toxic, it can still be very painful to end it. Alg24 you have to find a way to accept the pain of letting him go in order to save your own sanity. If you stay involved on any level the situation you have right now is the absolute best your situation will ever be. I wish you the best of luck
Author alg24 Posted May 14, 2010 Author Posted May 14, 2010 you still haven't changed your number? sheez, get a new number and just throw that phone away! it's not that expensive to just start anew. quit relying on your Daddy for everything. you say you earn money - so act like a responsible adult and leave your Dad out of it. get a basic phone and plan = minimal money. IMMEDIATELY! unless, of course, you like this drama... such a simple solution that should have been done weeks ago - yet you still stall and complain. you have NO ONE to blame but yourself! I do NOT appreciate you throwing in the "daddy" thing.. Yes I earn money but I am on a family cell phone plan. The cell phone that is mine I have been using BARELY... Most of the time I keep it in the car. It is NOT an excuse but I do not want my parents worried. (This is my mess not theres) My number will be changed in the next day when my dad returns. All of you parents out there can surely understand. Changing the number will very much help BUT I need to NOT engage I need to keep away.
IfWishesWereHorses Posted May 14, 2010 Posted May 14, 2010 Honey, as a parent of a 22 year old daughter, whose cell phone we still pay, what I would want IS TO KNOW IF SHE WERE IN A BAD SITUATION SO THAT I COULD HELP HER. As parents of young adults we are able to handle crisis. I know you want to protect your MM, but your parents should know what you are going through. I don't expect my daughter to worry about upsetting us if she is in a situation where she could use our support.
Author alg24 Posted May 14, 2010 Author Posted May 14, 2010 Alg24 The reason some people are saying that you must enjoy the drama is because the whole time all of this has been going on, you have had the absolute power to make it STOP. The continuation of this drama requires your participation. Personally I don't think you are enjoying the drama. I think your self esteem is so shot to hell that there is no impulse in you telling you that you deserve better than this. I don't even see a basic survival instinct in you that would have had anyone else running for the hills. The problem is that nobody can save you right now but you and I am not so sure you are up to the job. Take a hammer and smash that phone to bits. You can get another with a new number. When this MM knocks on your door again tell him you never want to see him or hear from him again. Tell him you will get a RO. If there is any part of you that is still fantasizing about the possibility of a happily ever after with this man, please introduce this part of yourself to the reality that because of this man you could land up in jail and he would be the one to put you there. It doesn't matter who the textor is. It doesn't matter if MM has another OW. Ending a relationship permanently is usually painful for somebody. Even if it is clear that the relationship it toxic, it can still be very painful to end it. Alg24 you have to find a way to accept the pain of letting him go in order to save your own sanity. If you stay involved on any level the situation you have right now is the absolute best your situation will ever be. I wish you the best of luck Thank you so much. I do not enjoy this drama. I think in the past when I tried to end it, the pain was so deep that I went back to stop the pain (but yet still felt pain) I am realizing that the only way to truly get over this is to allow myself to feel the pain, not wallow in it and MOVE FORWARD. Some days will be better than others.. My self-esteem is shot to hell, and I do not make that as an excuse. THIS IS DONE. FOR ME THIS IS DONE. I do NOT care about MM, what he is doing or thinking. FOR ME THIS IS DONE. If he contacts me I sure as hell will NOT answer. F
Author alg24 Posted May 14, 2010 Author Posted May 14, 2010 But everyone I truly do not use this as a venting tool. The wisdom, advice, etc. everyone has told me I truly appreciate and I am reading. Its beyond true and helpful. Its seeping into me and I am understanding and listening. Everyone dealing with the pain of ending an A or remaining in NC... Keep it up (ending the A and staying in NC!) I'm sorry but any A does not end well. Once a cheater ALWAYS a cheater... If he was so unhappy he would END the marriage and start a relationship with you.. Sorry. I look at the last two years and change with my EXMM and I think wow.... What the hell... Fooled once... Your amazing. And I am sorry for how you must be feeling like your banging your head against the wall. Please send me a email and let me know HOW YOU ARE FEELING! I've been thinking about you... (You need to take it easy!!)
whichwayisup Posted May 14, 2010 Posted May 14, 2010 Keep venting. Anytime you feel like it. About your phone, I understand your dad is away and can't change the number right now, but you can turn it off and not use it. Borrow someone else's phone, or use a pay phone if you need to make a call. Though I still think you should "accidently lose it" aka SMASH IT, and (in this case it's OK) do a little white lie to your dad and say you lost it or it was stolen. I doubt very much he's going to get angry, or think you're irresponsible. You're 21, far from being a young teen.
2sunny Posted May 14, 2010 Posted May 14, 2010 I do NOT appreciate you throwing in the "daddy" thing.. Yes I earn money but I am on a family cell phone plan. The cell phone that is mine I have been using BARELY... Most of the time I keep it in the car. It is NOT an excuse but I do not want my parents worried. (This is my mess not theres) My number will be changed in the next day when my dad returns. All of you parents out there can surely understand. Changing the number will very much help BUT I need to NOT engage I need to keep away. you contradict yourself over and over. your Dad will worry MORE when you give the reason why you need to change the number. don't tell him anything. just be a big girl and go get a new number yourself - leave your Dad out of it. get your own phone with a new number. no need to even talk to your Dad about it = no Dad worrying. end result is - you get a new number now. no worry for anyone as you owe explanations to no one but yourself.
torranceshipman Posted May 14, 2010 Posted May 14, 2010 I truly cannot for the life of me understand this "attraction" to MM. Actually, when the police deputy saw me he said "The biggest question is how a man like --- got a girl like you!" I see this is something much deeper than I realize and I need to work on myself big time. I am not looking to date etc. I think a lot of it to was he was my first... and NONE of this is an excuse! But I lived on my own at a very young age (17) and I was very dependent. My family and I are close but they are far away... I met this man when I was (19) he was (36) and he knew how to play me. I take part in my actions and I know I am to blame as well... But he was my first in many ways.... And I feel in love with him... In the beginning it was not all bad... Then when everything got bad I tried to fix. Insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results. For him it was easy to stay! Especially with the rest of his life falling apart. The deputy said in this harassing texting thing "99% of this is (MM)" But I cannot understand my attraction. He has NOTHING to offer me. He is 17 years older than me! English is a second language and he is not well schooled... We are COMPLETELY different people... hmm... This is a great post if you really stick with what you've said. You're very young and still trying to work out stuff for yourself - hard to do with little life experience, no matter how smart you are, and some old guy comes along playing you to get what he wants - I can see how you'd be taken in PLUS if he was your first, well, times that by 10. But you seem to realize that this is a wider issue, that you shouldn't be looking at this kind of idiot twice - you can do much better - and that life is a learning curve...this experience has made you stronger and wiser so that is a very good thing! Just please, whatever you do, keep this man away from you as he is trouble...and sit down and define your boundaries in black and white and never let anyone step over them again!
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