lovely_lady77 Posted May 12, 2010 Posted May 12, 2010 So I'm kind of confused right now, and and would just like some insight as to why someone would act this way..... I met someone online a few months back, we emailed back and fourth for about 2 weeks and then he asked me for a date. We went out, had a great time together! Before the date was over, he asked me for a second date. In between our first and second dates, we talked every day (I'd say we both equally initiated contact). This continued up until about a week after our second date. He literally just started ignoring me. I sent him a few instant messages and an email (I am kind of shy on phone)...and nothing! So I just left it alone...I figured he just got bored or was super busy or something. Well out of nowhere about a week ago, he calls me. I didn't answer because 1) I was meeting up with another friend and almost to my destination and didn't want to be rude to my friend or the guy and 2) I didn't want it to seem like i was waiting for his call (I defiantly wasn't!). I decided to call him back the next day and he didn't answer...so I left him a voicemail and he never returned my call. Okay so what was the point of calling me? Anyway, considering we met online I'm aware of the fact that maybe he met someone else, but I noticed he's been active on the website on a pretty regular basis, so I don't think it's really that. I'm just so confused because when we actually talked on the phone the last time, it was for well over an hour and we were even making plans for a 3rd date. I want to say something to him and find out wtf happened, but I don't know if I should! I mean it's not like we were actually a couple, so he doesn't need to explain himself. I also don't want to come across as needy because I defianatly am not! This is my first dating experience after a really rough breakup and I don't know if I did something to screw it up or what! I'm just really frustrated! Anyone been here? What should I do?
USMCHokie Posted May 12, 2010 Posted May 12, 2010 He probably met someone else and decided to focus on her for the time being. Such is the nature of online dating...you'll often get a lot of hot and cold from people online...especially from the ones that are actually successful with online dating and have the opportunity to talk to and meet lots of people... My suggestion...you should be doing the same thing...keep your options open by corresponding with a few different guys...and if you're into multi-dating, then you should go for it...until you decide which one you want to focus on dating...
jenifer1972 Posted May 12, 2010 Posted May 12, 2010 You need to take things very slowly at the beginning of relationships, especially with people you meet online. Guys are often stringing along numerous girls at a time - it is like a kid in a candy shop for them. Guys will always want to move relationships too quickly and intensely, and then scare themselves off when it gets a bit too intense, and start to do the 'big fade'. It is up to women to put the brakes on this kind of stuff. Limit duration of dates and phone calls. You have to always leave them wanting more, not deciding they need to back pedal because they shared too much or became too vulnerable too soon. Guard your heart very carefully. It is a jungle out there in the dating world. You need to give guys the impression that you are 'just not sure about them', that you need more info, more time, and then you will see if they are worthy of your time, attention and affection. This actually applies to platonic friendships as well.
Author lovely_lady77 Posted May 12, 2010 Author Posted May 12, 2010 Thank you both for your responses! Although it sucks to realize that I was probably being strung along or was just another girl, you're totally right that is the nature of online dating. Although I'm in my late 20's I feel like a teenager because it's been so long since I've been out there lol. I've never been a multi-dater but I'm starting to see more advantages to that way of dating. And my best friend (who is into multi-dating!) said the exact same thing about playing it cool and letting the guy chase you! I guess now I know what to do for next time!
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