babyontheway Posted May 12, 2010 Posted May 12, 2010 I have been with my fiance for nearly 4 years. We had been trying to have a baby for over 2 years when I finally got pregnant. I am 4 1/2 months along and found out yesterday that he has been cheating on me with some tramp that works for a vendor that delivers to his work. I don't know what to do now. Of course, I confronted him and he tried to deny it. I had found emails that he had sent to her because he was pissed that he had found out that she had a boyfriend! He is still denying it, I guess because he doesn't really know how I found out. I am so afraid to go through this pregnancy on my own and raise this child alone. I never thought this wold happen to me. Please someone tell me what to do!
bentnotbroken Posted May 12, 2010 Posted May 12, 2010 First calm down and think of your health. Then take some time to evaluate your options, your support system and what you need. Nothing has to be decided immediately. Breath and get some support from those in the real world.
Eeyore79 Posted May 12, 2010 Posted May 12, 2010 Do you still want to keep the baby? I believe you still have options at 4 1/2 months.
Author babyontheway Posted May 12, 2010 Author Posted May 12, 2010 yes I want this baby more than anything in the world. I would never terminate my pregnancy.
collegemommy Posted May 12, 2010 Posted May 12, 2010 First of all, I'm so sorry you are going through this, especially while pregnant! It sucks that this happened to you... Second of all, do you think this is something you can work out? That's the first thing you need to decide. If it's a no, then leave now. I know you're pregnant and don't want to be alone to raise your baby but it would be far worse to stay in the relationship that would be filled with dishonesty and lack of trust. Would you want your baby in that sort of environment? No trust and dishonesty would certainly breed anger and resentment. If the answer is yes, you can work through this, I would suggest counseling and having a lengthy discussion with your spouse. It won't solve all the problems but it would certainly help clear the air. Hopefully it would help you to trust him again. And can I just add... Seriously? He is mad because this homewrecking tramp has a boyfriend???!!! Wow.
Author babyontheway Posted May 12, 2010 Author Posted May 12, 2010 I love him so much, but how can I teach my child what is right and wrong if I stay with him? This is not the first time that he has cheated. I have forgiven him in the past and learned to trust him again and then he does this and now, when I am pregnant!
ADF Posted May 12, 2010 Posted May 12, 2010 No one can tell you what to do. However, if you choose to have this child, you will almost certainly be raising it alone. I bet this guy will even try to weasel out of paying child support. Don't let him. The fact the guy wanted to get you pregnant without marrying you should have been a giant red flag. Guys who do that usually do it as a control measure. They don't want to settle down, they just want to secure some permanent excuse to be in a woman's life. Also, an engagement that goes on for 4 years is not a real engagment. In the future, make sure anyone who calls you his fiance marries you within a year, two at most.
bentnotbroken Posted May 12, 2010 Posted May 12, 2010 I love him so much, but how can I teach my child what is right and wrong if I stay with him? This is not the first time that he has cheated. I have forgiven him in the past and learned to trust him again and then he does this and now, when I am pregnant! I am sorry. I will change my advice. I still think you shouldn't make any rash decisions, but if this is a repeat pattern, I really don't believe it will change. Are you willing to bet your life on it? Because that's what you will be doing.
bananalaffytaffy Posted May 12, 2010 Posted May 12, 2010 Do you have family that can help you? Can you support yourself and your child financially? What is you relationship to his parents?
dreamingoftigers Posted May 12, 2010 Posted May 12, 2010 My H cheated on me while pregnant too. If this isn't the first time it happened, then get out NOW!! It will be harder to get out after the baby is born and you are not married. Go before you have any more reservations. You will spend every day questioning why you didn't.
Author babyontheway Posted May 12, 2010 Author Posted May 12, 2010 I have no one who can help me and his family will back him no matter what
Author babyontheway Posted May 12, 2010 Author Posted May 12, 2010 I can support myself but, I don't know how I could support my child on my own.
bentnotbroken Posted May 12, 2010 Posted May 12, 2010 I can support myself but, I don't know how I could support my child on my own. You just will. And you don't have to make all those choices now. Breath please!
bananalaffytaffy Posted May 12, 2010 Posted May 12, 2010 I have no one who can help me and his family will back him no matter whatI asked about his family because most grandparents want a relationship with their grandchildren, regardless of what's going on with the parents. They may be willing to help you even if your BF won't. Most grandparents if they can help it, will not let a grandchild go without. Even if they hate your guts (not saying they do), they won't take it out on the baby. They will love the baby no matter what.
bananalaffytaffy Posted May 12, 2010 Posted May 12, 2010 I can support myself but, I don't know how I could support my child on my own.Do you live in the US? As far as I know, there are lots of programs providing assistance to unwed mothers.
Pyro Posted May 12, 2010 Posted May 12, 2010 He has cheated on you multiple times. He will not change. Like it has been said already, get out now. Your kid does not need a male role model like that. He has taken advantage of you plenty.
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