navybrat091481 Posted May 12, 2010 Posted May 12, 2010 i would really like to know HOW dating couples take things slow..i have been seeing a guy for 2 weeks. the only problem i see is that he is 4 months separated. I get that he is heartbroken, hurt, afraid, etc. all those things. we met thru a friend, hit it off really well. have spent time at his house with his kids. seem to have good chemistry. how do i "prove" to him that i am not like all women. I am NOT a cheater and apparently (from what he has told me) neither is he. i believe him. but how do i get him to trust me? how do i get him to not be afraid of me or having feelings for me? We both discovered (through separately reading The 5 love languages) that we are both quality time and physical touch. cuddling on the couch watching a movie works just fine for us. but how do i get him to not be afraid of me?
NeptunedN Posted May 12, 2010 Posted May 12, 2010 Hmm....if he's only 4 months separated, he hasn't even healed from his marriage. Most therapists suggest that he shouldn't even be dating for a good solid year before getting emotionally invovled with you are anyone else. Otherwise, you're setting yourself up to be a likely rebound candidate (an emotional one). Prob not what you want to hear but just don't be suprised.
LostInLA Posted May 13, 2010 Posted May 13, 2010 I'm in a similar boat. Been dating this guy for a little over a month. He's been out of a LTR about 3 months now. I met him through a friend who was on a date with his out of town friend and he asked me out 2 nights later, but then I thought he blew me off since he didn't contact me for almost a week. Then, all of a sudden he asked me out and we pretty much go on a date about once a week or sometimes 2. We don't talk/text every day, in fact during the week we have no contact. I don't know how to take things slow either but I suppose just keeping this pace and giving each other space is the way to go. /shrug
phineas Posted May 13, 2010 Posted May 13, 2010 I'm seperated for a yr. Just waiting for the paperwork to get stamped by the courts. Early on I hooked up with someone. It lasted all of 3 weeks. but we both knew it was just sex. I was just incredibly lonely. After that I didn't want to be with anyone.
TPPpeter Posted May 13, 2010 Posted May 13, 2010 It takes more time for him to recover. But what you can do with him is have a 1-on-1 talk and tell him straight up what you're about, how much you enjoy being with him and that you're there for him. That'll ease up his pain for a bit.
CuriousQDe Posted May 13, 2010 Posted May 13, 2010 You should chill. You could be squarely in rebound territory. Do you really want a man who can forget his past in just a few months and get on to getting serious with you? I don't think so. I read somewhere that you should allow the man to set the pace of the relationship, and you could see where things stand by: There being a single, but serious, progression in the relationship every three months or so. Something like getting introduced to friends and family, getting involved in a joint project, going on a vacation. Also one easy thing I have learned is that men seem to be very task oriented but completely deaf to whining and nagging. Ask for something you want (not necessarily a material thing), one time, looking him in the eye when doing so. Give him some time to think it through and wait for the result. A man who cares HAS to accomplish an assignment; it's in their DNA. In the meantime, I would honestly suggest you see other people. I think you've gotten way too attached to a man who's going through right now. He may be great, but you're in for a roller coaster as he experiences the divorce journey. I say offer an ear and be there for him, but don't resign yourself to a man who is not fully present with you.
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