terra Posted May 12, 2010 Posted May 12, 2010 Hi everyone, My boyfriend and I are moving in together. I have never lived with anyone before and have been very independent for the last decade, so it’s been a real adjustment for me. We have been discussing finances a bit but I was wondering if anyone has any advice He wants to combine a lot of our finances but I was thinking just the necessary stuff like rent and food. He makes more than I do and wants us to contribute a percent of our income instead of half (which is nice) but I feel like he shouldn’t be stuck paying more than me just because I make less. I know money is a major cause in relationship breakdowns so I want to make sure I go about it in a smart way. Would appreciate ANY advice!
carhill Posted May 12, 2010 Posted May 12, 2010 First things first. You'll be co-tenants on the lease. A landlord will consider both your incomes and credit ratings. I mention this because I've failed 23 applicants so far on such grounds over the last three months. Get your ducks in a row on that front, especially if neither of you has substantial rental history. Next, list (on paper) your usual and customary expenses and who will pay for what, or if a joint expense account will be used and who will contribute what. Write it down and keep it in a safe place and update as appropriate. You're combining 'stuff' into one domicile. Have you thought about insurance? I don't insure the contents of my rentals, only the structure and my liability. Tenants are responsible for insuring contents (their stuff). Check into that to see what is customary in your area. Who will pay for that? My personal opinion would be to keep finances separate except for a joint expense account and see how it goes. One truly only gets to know another when living together (I've been married so know how that goes) and finance is a big part of life in most societies and also a big area of potential disagreement for couples. Take it slow. Lastly, outline responsibilities. Yep, domestic chores. Who does what. 'Oh, baby, I'll get to it' or 'I didn't say that' or 'you misunderstood me' are wonderful reminders of the reality of chores and people's fondness for them No ambiguities. Chores take time and time is money so, in light of the OP, discuss whether domestic help is a possibility and, if so, who will pay for it. Enjoy
Author terra Posted May 12, 2010 Author Posted May 12, 2010 Thanks for your replay Carhill, You give great advice. I have been renting my place for about 3 years, and I've already added him on my lease. He owns his house but will be renting it out because my place is just more convenient. Good idea about considering chores... I think my standard of 'tidy' is different from his so we should talk about that before we end up getting frustrated for being messy/nagging. First things first. You'll be co-tenants on the lease. A landlord will consider both your incomes and credit ratings. I mention this because I've failed 23 applicants so far on such grounds over the last three months. Get your ducks in a row on that front, especially if neither of you has substantial rental history. Next, list (on paper) your usual and customary expenses and who will pay for what, or if a joint expense account will be used and who will contribute what. Write it down and keep it in a safe place and update as appropriate. You're combining 'stuff' into one domicile. Have you thought about insurance? I don't insure the contents of my rentals, only the structure and my liability. Tenants are responsible for insuring contents (their stuff). Check into that to see what is customary in your area. Who will pay for that? My personal opinion would be to keep finances separate except for a joint expense account and see how it goes. One truly only gets to know another when living together (I've been married so know how that goes) and finance is a big part of life in most societies and also a big area of potential disagreement for couples. Take it slow. Lastly, outline responsibilities. Yep, domestic chores. Who does what. 'Oh, baby, I'll get to it' or 'I didn't say that' or 'you misunderstood me' are wonderful reminders of the reality of chores and people's fondness for them No ambiguities. Chores take time and time is money so, in light of the OP, discuss whether domestic help is a possibility and, if so, who will pay for it. Enjoy
Lauriebell82 Posted May 14, 2010 Posted May 14, 2010 Do not combine finances if you are just dating. Does he make a substantial amount more then you do? If so then maybe you can work out some kind of agreement like you split the rent 50/50, but then he pays more of the utilities then you do. When my fiance and I first moved in together (he was my boyfriend then) we had seperate finances. We have a two bedroom apartment and he makes double what I do. So I paid for half of what a one bedroom would cost and he picked up the remaining percentage. Then we split the utilities 50/50. We usually split the grocery/household items unless he bought a substantial more amount of food then I did. It actually worked pretty well. We have a combined bank account now and I must say it is more convienent because I don't constantly have to write him checks for my share of the bills. It is also easier to pay for wedding related expenses. But I think you have to be getting married for that really to work well. The two of you just need to come up with a fair way of paying and stick to it. I do not suggest combining finances until you are AT LEAST engaged.
GamerGirl Posted May 14, 2010 Posted May 14, 2010 Do not combine finances if you are just dating. Does he make a substantial amount more then you do? If so then maybe you can work out some kind of agreement like you split the rent 50/50, but then he pays more of the utilities then you do. When my fiance and I first moved in together (he was my boyfriend then) we had seperate finances. We have a two bedroom apartment and he makes double what I do. So I paid for half of what a one bedroom would cost and he picked up the remaining percentage. Then we split the utilities 50/50. We usually split the grocery/household items unless he bought a substantial more amount of food then I did. It actually worked pretty well. We have a combined bank account now and I must say it is more convienent because I don't constantly have to write him checks for my share of the bills. It is also easier to pay for wedding related expenses. But I think you have to be getting married for that really to work well. The two of you just need to come up with a fair way of paying and stick to it. I do not suggest combining finances until you are AT LEAST engaged. Yea, I would have to second this as well. DON'T get joint accounts or combine your finances in any way until you are close to marriage. I own a house with my boyfried of 5 years and we split everything 50/50 with NO combining of finances. It will be messy enough to refinance our mortgage to get a name off if we break up, I wasn't about to add to that mess. When we buy groceries, we both go and use our debit cards to split the cost right down the middle. Most stores will be more than willing to put half on one card and the rest on another. He does make more than me, but for us, splitting everything right down the middle avoids arguments over who pays more or does more around the house. When we do get married, which is getting close, we still plan on having our separate accounts, but have one designated joint account for household expenses. At this point, he doesn't need my money and I don't need his so it works out fine. I think you guys do need to sit down and discuss the basics though. Make sure you are both clear that BILLS come first, that way you aren't always yelling about how money is spent. If the bills are paid, I don't care how he spends the rest of his money. We also read Dave Ramsey's 'Total Money Makeover' and both agreed to set up emergency funds, just in case one of us got sick, car died, or the water heater blew up. Can't tell you what a lifesaver the emergency funds have been. Any household item that needs replacing, we just split the cost from our emergency fund, no arguments needed. I would also suggest having a discussion about cleaning. If you are both clear on what you expect, it will avoid the screaming matches later on. My boyfriend is the typical man and does need some nudging to clean still, but he knows what will set me off and does them automatically to keep the peace. Same goes for me. He hates dishes in the sink, I hate clothes on the floor, so we make sure not to do those things. We have done them so long now, they are completely automatic and part of our routine. And our house is always ready for company for the most part. If you sit down and discuss it before he moves in, it will really cut down the problems in the future. Good luck!
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