Nikki Sahagin Posted May 11, 2010 Posted May 11, 2010 I know this doesn't fit with everyones experiences, but for those partners who feel there partner fell out of love and lost that feeling, do you think you changed as a person and this affected there desire to be in the relationship? Ignoring that people become complacent over time and the honeymoon stage makes a lot of people panic and question their committment when it ends because clearly those are factors. When my ex met me I was funny, independent, aloof, not always available and very good-spirited. Fast forward, I became clingy, depedent, depressed, anxious, quiet and argumentative. Of course i'm not BLAMING myself because he contributed at times to these changes but I did lose a lot of the qualities that drew him to me in the first place. In this way, I can see I may have contributed to his falling out of love with me. Yes they SHOULD be there for every facet of who we are and every bad time we go through, but I think I became kind of unrecognisable.
Stephie Posted May 11, 2010 Posted May 11, 2010 Thats exactly my situation when we met I was independent, happy, and a lot of fun to be around. He moved to my hometown we hung out with my friends and I did my girls night out often. Then we moved to a city where I knew no one a yr later. I had no job, no friends, we had no money he was my life. I depended on him to make me happy again. That wasn't happening lord knows he was trying but couldn't find the words without making me mad. I became worse almost obsesive. I couldn't go to the store by myself if I wanted to go to target I needed him there, I couldn't cook dinner without him, I couldn't grocery shop nothing. The week before he left I accused him not once but twice of cheating on me. I know he didn't I was just so insecure and wanted to fight I guess, and when he tried to talk I got mad. I shut him off completely when he told me I needed to chill I said or what? I became someone I hated. He thinks it was him who just couldn't make me happy, that I had changed into an unhappy person and its who I am going to be the rest of my life. He said he didn't want to spend the rest of his life unhappy and fighting all the time. Who could blame him but I know that person I became isn't me, I am trying to find my oldself everyday. I just wish he could see that. We were so in love when we first met, life happened and he just couldn't fight anymore so he did the only thing he knows how... RUN! There's not a minute that goes by that I don't think about him we were planning our wedding and had so many dreams for the future. I thought we would spend the rest of our lifes together and a part of me still thinks that, a part of me thinks one day he will see but another part thinks he can only remember the bad times. Its hard to feel better, its hard to see myself spending one more day without him, I miss his smile, his jokes, his smell, his kisses, but most of all I miss us but I have no control. Never give up hope no matter what anyone says, if you really believe in something fight for it fight like hell. Help yourself first get back that old you and if he comes back it was so meant to be if not, then you have made yourself that much more prepared for the next relationship and made yourself happy for you!!!
Woggle Posted May 11, 2010 Posted May 11, 2010 I think my ex fell out of me because we went from being two misfits to me actually wanting to build a better life and have a good future. I outgrew the need for drama and she went into the abyss.
DadofTwoGirls Posted May 12, 2010 Posted May 12, 2010 ladies didn't wait 17yrs into a marriage to decide you weren't in love with your partner anymore...communication..that's the key to any long lasting relationship..and if you marry your partner the communication can never stop till someone leaves this planet..when a partner becomes unhappy they take it out on the person closest to them..unfortunately it is their partner..whether that is the reason for them being unhappy or not it's what happens and 75% more women than men do the leaving.
collegemommy Posted May 12, 2010 Posted May 12, 2010 I don't think my ex ever fell out of love with me. Maybe I'm delusional but I honestly think he still loves me. However, I'm not the person he fell in love with nor is he the guy I fell in love with. When we started dating, I was happy, funny, down for anything, full of life, always looking for a good time, independent, and very relaxed. He was happy, fun loving, and sweet. Fast forward 5 years later and I'm angry, clingy, depressed, and high strung. He is also angry, mean, selfish, and uncaring. We are completely different people. Life got in our way and we never tried to change anything. Sucks but it what it is. I'm hoping I can get the old me back now that we are split. It would be great to be that positive, happy woman I once was... sigh.
Eeyore79 Posted May 12, 2010 Posted May 12, 2010 I don't think I changed when my first love stopped loving me; I think he just had other priorities in life and never really loved me as much as I loved him. Others who I thought loved me, never actually did. So I guess sometimes what you interpret as "falling out of love" means the person never really loved you to begin with. Other times, I believe that someone thinks they love you until they get to know you better. They think you're great and they think they love you, then they find out about a dealbreaker and it's game over. I have done this myself - I've thought I loved someone, but as time passed they became violent, or clingy, or nasty to my dog, and I stopped loving them. I guess you could say I loved a version of them that wasn't true to reality and therefore never really existed, and I didn't love the reality.
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