This Hurts Posted May 11, 2010 Posted May 11, 2010 Yeah, I'm sure on some level we all worry about the same things (who are they with, what have they been doing, do they think about me...) But what's your MAIN worry about this whole thing? I'm curious to know others' response to this... My main worry is that I just won't be able to get over it, because I know if I can't get over it, I will never be happy and I will never get what I want. I don't want to be crying or even worrying over this 2 years from now, or even one year, to be honest... I don't want to waste anymore time on her. Because time wasted on her IS a complete waste of time. And to know that I'm dedicating another year of my life to her (even though it's grieving) when she isn't even here really pisses me off. She doesn't deserve it. She doesn't deserve my time. She doesn't deserve my tears. I don't want to love her. I don't want her to control my moods anymore. I want to be able to be content by myself. I want the thought of NEVER speaking to her again to not even move me. I want to be free.
skydiveaddict Posted May 11, 2010 Posted May 11, 2010 I have the same worry my friend. That I wont be able to get over her. It been 6 months and I'm really not making much progress
jv032889 Posted May 11, 2010 Posted May 11, 2010 ALONE... I'm scared I won't find anyone else to love me. The sad thing is that I want someone to love me like she did, but in reality she didn't love me. Thats why we are no longer together. I've always had a low self esteem and this doesn't help at all. I'm constantly reminding myself I'm better than her. I deserve the best.
northstar1 Posted May 11, 2010 Posted May 11, 2010 Yeah, I'm sure on some level we all worry about the same things (who are they with, what have they been doing, do they think about me...) But what's your MAIN worry about this whole thing? I'm curious to know others' response to this... My main worry is that I just won't be able to get over it, because I know if I can't get over it, I will never be happy and I will never get what I want. I don't want to be crying or even worrying over this 2 years from now, or even one year, to be honest... I don't want to waste anymore time on her. Because time wasted on her IS a complete waste of time. And to know that I'm dedicating another year of my life to her (even though it's grieving) when she isn't even here really pisses me off. She doesn't deserve it. She doesn't deserve my time. She doesn't deserve my tears. I don't want to love her. I don't want her to control my moods anymore. I want to be able to be content by myself. I want the thought of NEVER speaking to her again to not even move me. I want to be free. I worry about the fact I will not be able to get the idea out of my head that we let something awesome slip away.
Nikki Sahagin Posted May 11, 2010 Posted May 11, 2010 I think my number one fear is the same as all of yours, that I will never get over him, that he will remain the love of my life. More than that...that he will fall in love again, a love that will eclipse ours, but he will still be 'it' for me. He has a natural charm, girls seem to love him, he knows how to speak to people and leave an impression. I'm shy and much more picky. I think it will be easy for him to charm any girl he wants, not so easy for me.... Other than that, I worry mainly that he will forget me or my 'hold' over him will disapear, that i'll be a distant memory and he will never regret that he let me go.
sedgwick Posted May 11, 2010 Posted May 11, 2010 Well, given that it's been three years since he left me and I'm still grieving intensely, I'd say my biggest fear is that I'll be like this forever. I'm not the same person I was before -- I now do everything through this veil of sadness left by his absence. Life is good, and I have fun doing stuff, but not like before. Now it's like it's good BUT, and what follows the but is always "I can't share it with him." I fear that I will never get my self back.
Nikki Sahagin Posted May 11, 2010 Posted May 11, 2010 Yeah Sedgewick, its so bizare how so people can leave such a massive impact upon us but I think it also has to do a lot with us as people. Some of us are sentimental or sensitive, or even a bit obsessional. My ex brought the most happiness, sadness, energy and emotion to my life, so the loss is not just of the relationship and the friendship but the amazing feelings he gave me. I never felt so alive, and now I guess I feel as you do, i'm alive but i'm not ALIVE the way I felt when I was with him. Sad it took him to bring it out in me.
Author This Hurts Posted May 11, 2010 Author Posted May 11, 2010 I have felt every thing you all have mentioned at least once and it's making me sad because none of us are on the other side yet Where will this leave me? I'd rather kill myself than live the rest of my life like this!
Stephie Posted May 11, 2010 Posted May 11, 2010 Its all the same fear of not being able to let go. Wondering if he is happier now without me. Thinking we had such a wonderful relationship full of love and I think to myself I am the only one who will ever love him that much will he? Or will he find something better. I want my life back I demand it I want my heart to heal, I want my tears to stop, and I want to stop thinking what if. Its a sick feeling... People tell you your whole life you get to choose what makes you happy but its not true, when you give your heart to someone and they crumble it they destroyed everything about you every bit of happiness. Its so hard to imagine this man I love so much is not that same man I fell in love with.
sedgwick Posted May 11, 2010 Posted May 11, 2010 Does anyone else worry that you were so insignificant to them they've completely forgotten you? That one crosses my mind a lot. I wonder sometimes if he'd even remember me if he saw me.
Nikki Sahagin Posted May 11, 2010 Posted May 11, 2010 For those of us worried about letting go, I think everything we do and say and all the people we meet, become part of us, and we can't part with that. But we can change our perspectives and be greatful we got to experience something that at one point made us feel happy or alive. We learn that nothing is necessarily forever and that nothing belongs to us. We are not entitled to our exes, and we were never promised them. Instead we can try to appreciate that we felt what we did and had what we had, but we no longer can have it. Mourn it yes, but appreciate it. And I guess we shouldn't fret about letting go. It will happen the more we learn to appreciate what we had and what we STILL have in other areas. Also to pay attention to things outside of relationships; love for friends, family, passions and interests. Finding love for other things so that relationships don't become our only life line.
Nikki Sahagin Posted May 11, 2010 Posted May 11, 2010 Does anyone else worry that you were so insignificant to them they've completely forgotten you? That one crosses my mind a lot. I wonder sometimes if he'd even remember me if he saw me. I don't worry he will forget me, but that what I mean to him will change and become less and insignificant.
skydiveaddict Posted May 11, 2010 Posted May 11, 2010 Does anyone else worry that you were so insignificant to them they've completely forgotten you? That one crosses my mind a lot. I wonder sometimes if he'd even remember me if he saw me. I think that has already happened in my case
CLC2008 Posted May 11, 2010 Posted May 11, 2010 What worried me the most, and the easiest way to explain it, is that one day I'd feel like the lyrics to this song:
collegemommy Posted May 11, 2010 Posted May 11, 2010 I worry about the same things everyone else does. I worry that he will fall in love again and she will be "the one." I worry that they will be happy and I will have meant nothing to him. I worry that I won't find anyone else. I will be a miserable old lady with a lot of love to give and no one to give it to. I worry that he won't think of me at some point. That I will be nothing but the mother of one of his children. I worry that he won't even think that. That he will lose contact with our daughter and not even think of her. That she will spend her life wondering why she meant so little to her father...
skydiveaddict Posted May 11, 2010 Posted May 11, 2010 collegemom: there are better times ahead for you, dont worry
CLC2008 Posted May 12, 2010 Posted May 12, 2010 That's a cool song I like it Thanks, the song is a few years old but it hits home.
skydiveaddict Posted May 12, 2010 Posted May 12, 2010 Thanks, the song is a few years old but it hits home. Yes it certainly does
shadowplay Posted May 12, 2010 Posted May 12, 2010 I worry about the same thing. It's 5 weeks since he dumped me. In the last few days I've been feeling more over him, but tonight I'm having a bit of a relapse. I think my biggest fear is that not only will I never get over him, but it will only get worse. I'll miss him more with time once a long amount of NC has gone by and I know he's moved on with his life. That the loneliness will consume me and make me unable to function. Another huge fear is that I'll either always be alone or settle for somebody I don't love that much. Both would be unbearable.
shadowplay Posted May 12, 2010 Posted May 12, 2010 this song captures how I'm starting to feel about him:
cmichael16 Posted May 12, 2010 Posted May 12, 2010 I worry about the same things everyone else does. I worry that he will fall in love again and she will be "the one." I worry that they will be happy and I will have meant nothing to him. I worry that I won't find anyone else. I will be a miserable old lady with a lot of love to give and no one to give it to. I worry that he won't think of me at some point. That I will be nothing but the mother of one of his children. I worry that he won't even think that. That he will lose contact with our daughter and not even think of her. That she will spend her life wondering why she meant so little to her father... I worry that She will find "The One" and I will be nothing but a doormat, I worry I wont find anyone, and I also worry that she will come back if her new relationship doesnt work out without fixing some stuff on her end. God I am so alone right now
skydiveaddict Posted May 12, 2010 Posted May 12, 2010 this song captures how I'm starting to feel about him: that's another great tune
skydiveaddict Posted May 12, 2010 Posted May 12, 2010 I worry that She will find "The One" and I will be nothing but a doormat, I worry I wont find anyone, and I also worry that she will come back if her new relationship doesnt work out without fixing some stuff on her end. God I am so alone right now You're not alone my friend, and whatever happens, never be anyone's doormat
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