collegemommy Posted May 11, 2010 Posted May 11, 2010 So here I am, sitting at work and crying. I've been at my desk crying for the past hour. It's like a huge wave of emotion has completely taken over me. I'm so sick of crying, of feeling sorry for myself, of wanting to work things out with someone who obviously cares so little for me. I'm done really well with no contact today but I'm just so sad. I want him to care, I want him to text me or call me, I want him to act like we had a flippin relationship and a friendship. I hate feeling like I am completely disposable. Meanwhile, he is perfectly content with his homewrecking tramp and her spawns. Doesn't call to check on his own flesh and blood and really doesn't see her but a few minutes each week. It makes me sick to think that I actually had a child with this guy. I love my daughter to death but man, she has the WORST FATHER EVER. Sorry... Just needed to vent.
NABDP Posted May 11, 2010 Posted May 11, 2010 I am with you here college, I am sorry you are having a low day. We have all been there. They sure don't call it the rollercoaster for nothing. How long have you been doing NC/LC successfully? Have you OVERALL been feeling better since NC? Not all the time, but has it been better for you than being in regular contact?
Nikki Sahagin Posted May 11, 2010 Posted May 11, 2010 :)I used to have to disapear into the toilets at work for a cry too. Its good that you are letting the emotions out as they come. There is really no advice to give, because no matter what anyone says, you will still feel what you feel, but you will slowly build endurance to the emotions and thoughts as they come. You will learn new ways to cope until they pass, and eventually they will hurt you less and less. Break ups are incredibly difficult to get over, especially messy ones, but focus on your children and the good that came from your relationship with your ex - the children you made. If he chooses not to support your kids there are routes you can explore but as long as they have you, that is the most important thing - it is HIM who will feel the most guilt and regret when the honeymoon stage with the new woman wears thin and he's children grow up to see him as a stranger. If anything - you should pity him.
Author collegemommy Posted May 12, 2010 Author Posted May 12, 2010 Thanks for the kind words! I'm feeling much better. I had a momentary lapse and am now back to my normal self. I did talk to him (I know, no contact!) tonight. He said that he didn't want to work things out because my "personality and aura pisses him off." He did say that he loves me, misses me, and thinks I can do so much better than him. Guess what? He is right. I can do better. After he gave me his list of (laughable) demands in order for us to work, I realized he's such a pig. He told me that he EXPECTS me to work full time, continue going to school, take care of the kids, cook, clean the house, do the laundry, dress up every night in lingerie, and basically have sex with him whenever he wants. HAHAHAHAHA while he is doing what?? No thanks. I won't be his bitch, his mother, or his maid. I hope he finds a girl that will do all of these things for him. If he does, well, then they are perfect for each other and I wish them every happiness. Personally, I don't think girls like this really exist around here. Maybe in other areas but definitely not where we live. I also had a lengthy talk with my ex's twin sister tonight. She gave me some great insight and basically told me to back down. She doesn't even talk to him because she thinks he is worthless. She said that their parents are pissed at him too. So basically he is burning bridges with everyone... So while his life starts going down the tube, I'll be working hard to finish getting my degree and looking for a career so that my daughter can have everything in life she deserves. Plus, I certainly don't want my daughter thinking that it is ok to be in a relationship like this. It's not healthy, it's toxic and she can/will do better than I have. YAY for feeling better!!
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