SoccerPlaya Posted May 11, 2010 Posted May 11, 2010 I've known this guy for about 6 years now. He had a crush on me when we first met but I wasn't interested in him that way. Instead we became best friends. About 3 years ago he confesses that he's in "love" with me. I explain to him that he's like a brother and that I love him, but will never love him in that way. I know it sounds clique but it's true, in fact I consider him a better friend than most of my girlfriends. It was very difficult and we didn't talk much after that for a year or so. Fast forward a few years. He recently broke up with a serious girlfriend and confided in me for advice. Since then we've reconnected. He now calls a few times a week and asks me to hang out quite often. A couple months back (after a few drinks) he got a little too close for comfort. I clearly explained that I am so glad to have him back as a friend, but it will never be more. The next morning he blamed his actions on the alcohol. Despite this incident, he still calls and wants to hang out all the time. Is it wrong to continue to spend time with him? At this point I fee like I've made myself pretty clear.
Author SoccerPlaya Posted May 11, 2010 Author Posted May 11, 2010 I just realized my title is a little stupid. Yes, I know he wants more. My question is if it's okay to continue to be friends?
sveltskye Posted May 11, 2010 Posted May 11, 2010 It might be kinder to step back a little but he's a big boy. I think its his responsibility to take space if he needs it, and to tell you. But it could get awkward, especially if you start dating someone. I'd just be really careful to not say or do anything that could lead him to wishful thinking regarding your feelings toward him.
Enema Posted May 11, 2010 Posted May 11, 2010 You should not be friends with this guy. He's going to forever be testing the boundaries to see if "today's the day". Eventually, this will blow up and become very unpleasant.
carhill Posted May 11, 2010 Posted May 11, 2010 I just realized my title is a little stupid. Yes, I know he wants more. My question is if it's okay to continue to be friends? OP, how was your friendship when he had his 'serious girlfriend'? You said you 'reconnected' after they broke up. Am I to understand you had no contact during their relationship? If so, he's not your friend, but rather sees you as another romantic/sexual potential. If he were your friend, not to be confused with you being his friend, you would have come to meet and know his girlfriend and of course he your boyfriends. I'd let this one go. Permanently. The main reason you consider him more highly than your girlfriends is likely because he is attraction-driven, rather than friendship-driven. BTDT. Unhealthy as all get-out. Take away his attraction and I'll bet you have very little in common. Clue? Lack of contact and inability on his part to resolve the attraction, even over years... My POV is based on a 25 year long unhealthy relationship of a similar sort, bridging two marriages. YMMV...
ADF Posted May 11, 2010 Posted May 11, 2010 Here's something to keep in mind: men--especially younger men--almost NEVER go out of their way to befriend women unless they have the hots for them. Almost never. If any one of your male friends ever makes a serious effort to sepnd time with you, he's hoping for more. Unless he's gay. And even some of the gay ones may have thought about it. That said, you've been very clear, and that's about all you can do. Your friend has to understand that all through his life, he will be meeting attractive women who, for any number of reasons, are not going to be available. He can always ask, but he must accept that sometimes the answer is going to be "no." If he cannot respect the boundries, if he keeps thinking he can change your mind by persisting, then you may have a problem.
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