Do I really want someone who would walk all over me if I didn't set boundaries?

[Chochobong]

Okay I get that we shouldn't be doormats to our partners and should be firm and set boundaries, but I ask this.....if a partner is willing to walk all over us if we don't set boundaries, why would I want them in the first place? Truly I would want someone that has their own self-control in this area and not someone I have to constantly keep in line and throw up walls to keep them from stomping on me. I take it there is some type of balance to be reached here?

[sally4sara]

We each have some personal responsibility to speak up when someone isn't treating us right.

 

And personal experience has taught me that the best treatment you can expect out of anyone is established by the worst you will put up with. It is human nature to take others for granted and people who don't speak up about how they get treated contribute to the way others enact this on them.

[Ilovecake]

Okay I get that we shouldn't be doormats to our partners and should be firm and set boundaries, but I ask this.....if a partner is willing to walk all over us if we don't set boundaries, why would I want them in the first place? Truly I would want someone that has their own self-control in this area and not someone I have to constantly keep in line and throw up walls to keep them from stomping on me. I take it there is some type of balance to be reached here?

 

This is very subjective as we all have different needs and beliefs therefore we set different boundaries in our relationships. What one person may perceive as mistreatment another person may not. I mean if someone is blatantly abusive that's a different story even though it's still your responsibility to set those boundaries and if they're overstepped it is up to you to decide what you are willing to put up with. Nobody is perfect and there will be things people will do that make you mad that they might not even realize they are doing.

Setting boundaries is important in all aspects of life not just in romantic relationships. Setting boundaries is just being clear about your expectations and not allowing people to cross that line. I think once you let people overstep your boundaries that's where the problem arises, this is when you become a doormat because you're not being true to yourself.