TaraMaiden Posted May 18, 2010 Posted May 18, 2010 delete it. Just because you acknowledge it, doesn't mean you are responding. In actual fact, if you just delete with no comment, it leaves her wondering. Now, delete her from your FB. Really, you have to do this. You should have done it before.....
Author cmichael16 Posted May 19, 2010 Author Posted May 19, 2010 Tara, you are the only person that has said to remove it, I dont want to leave her wondering, I am just moving on. So, an update, I have not asked a woman out in 11 years, yesterday I got the guts and asked out the girl I have been flirting with at work. I got a yes... shake off some rust In case youall are curious, I asked out my now exwife in 1999, after the separation (I think 4ish months into it) my now exgf and I met, and one day she just asked if we were a couple... so yeah, rusty I feel great today, I am 28 today!
GrayClouds Posted May 19, 2010 Posted May 19, 2010 CM the advice Tara offers is some of the best you will bet in this neighborhood, listen carefully, act wisely. Be very careful about dating at this point, if your still holding on to the past then dating will interfere with your healing, distract you from what you need to have learned about your mistake in the last relationship and what work you need to do to keep from repeating them.
Author cmichael16 Posted May 19, 2010 Author Posted May 19, 2010 CM the advice Tara offers is some of the best you will bet in this neighborhood, listen carefully, act wisely. Be very careful about dating at this point, if your still holding on to the past then dating will interfere with your healing, distract you from what you need to have learned about your mistake in the last relationship and what work you need to do to keep from repeating them. I agree completely with everything you said. And that is why the term super slow is not descriptive enough about how I will be.
mickleb Posted May 19, 2010 Posted May 19, 2010 Happy Birthday. Do things that make you happy. (Delete ex from Facebook, don't even think about her for the rest of the day, or any other ex, or newbie. Just do stuff for yourself. Now!) :¬D x
Author cmichael16 Posted May 19, 2010 Author Posted May 19, 2010 Happy Birthday. Do things that make you happy. (Delete ex from Facebook, don't even think about her for the rest of the day, or any other ex, or newbie. Just do stuff for yourself. Now!) :¬D x HAHA Im fine and happy today, nothing to worry about, though I will post that my ex called earlier, well she left a voice mail saying "hey I just wanted to say happy birthday okay bye" in some sweet tone I only recognize as I want something from you. I deleted it and went on. I get to leave work in an hour... thats 2 hours early!!!! woo hoo!
Author cmichael16 Posted May 26, 2010 Author Posted May 26, 2010 Resurrection Both what I am doing to the thread and how I feel. So let me tell yall a story! Its short, I think. So, After my recent bitch slaps, and my mom being in the hospital my life took an abrupt and surprising uturn. Mom was released last monday, but actually ended up back in on this past monday, they found the issue, performed surgery and she is recovering, woo hoo Yesterday my ex texts me and says "I love how you tell me to call you some time and I call you and leave a message on your birthday and you didnt bother" Now, the text actually didnt affect me. Surprisingly, I think maybe I have realized how toxic she was to me. F that. So more good stuff. I met a woman I work with (shes older than me by a few (not many) years) and it turns out we have a whooooole lot in common and so I decided to ask her out last Tuesday, to my surprise she said yes, well it wasnt a huge surprise. we went out thursday and ended up spending 4 hours at a resturaunt/pub talking, then walking around a walking trail till midnight just talking, we literally told each other everything. I have never clicked with someone like that before. Friday, we had lunch and talked some more, then after work we went and had a few drinks and went our own separate ways for the weekend. We texted and called all weekend... and come monday we had lunch and then went out after work again. It seems kindof obvious to co-workers that we are dating, but we are not doing anything inappropriate, against the rules, or anything bad at all. we are in different departments and everything. I have already had a rebound relationship (2 actually) and none of them made it past the initial "how much baggage do you have" period. This one feels a heck of a lot different and really makes me smile. I realize partially its the new-ness but I can not believe how happy I am and how much we click. My ex and I didnt click like this. Anyway, Just wanted to post an update and say, Hi Yall! P.S. I have been working out more and more, definition is starting to show nicely!
TaraMaiden Posted May 26, 2010 Posted May 26, 2010 Now you text your ex- and tell her - "I have met someone else. Leave me alone." Then focus on this new and wonderful lady you've found.
Author cmichael16 Posted May 27, 2010 Author Posted May 27, 2010 Now you text your ex- and tell her - "I have met someone else. Leave me alone." Then focus on this new and wonderful lady you've found. If she bothers to contact me again, I will, I already deleted the message, lol
TaraMaiden Posted May 27, 2010 Posted May 27, 2010 Oh and permit me to congratulate everyone concerned on your mother's turn in health. I'm delighted, I wish her well, a speedy recovery, and good for you for focussing your priority on her. Hope all is cool between you and your new lady friend......
Author cmichael16 Posted July 6, 2010 Author Posted July 6, 2010 Bumping my old thread for a little advice... So I am with a new lady friend, still, w00t w00t... well my ex has attempted a few times to make contact, last wed with a simple text "hey whats up" to which no reply was sent. then sunday the 4th she called, and left a vm saying she had something she needed to talk to me about... it seemed urgent, but honestly I have nothing to say to her... she owes me money, but ill never see it and I know that. I dont care really... what the hell else could there be? So here it is, should I respond to her recent VM or just leave it alone... It keeps popping into my head unexpected, and its not that I feel I miss her, I feel like maybe she needs something from me... gah, annoying... so stay silent or not?
spriggig Posted July 7, 2010 Posted July 7, 2010 Keep ignoring her. Eventually, she'll tell the VM whatever it is. It might piss her off to have to do that, but she will.
Author cmichael16 Posted July 13, 2010 Author Posted July 13, 2010 as expected she did call again, it was a problem with the dog that I got for her long ago. well I texted her and spoke with her about the dog. kept it strictly business. then there was silence again. I was fine with that. especially since I didnt have an emotional stirr. I told my new lady about it just so she was kept in the loop and everything is fine, then 2 days later I get an email asking about wireless router settings. I didnt reply. 2 hours later I get a message that says and I quote "haha heres the funny thing... just when i thoought i was compleatly over you... we talked and i realized i still love you... lol " I just about crapped my pants at this one... i mean wow what the hell. I didnt, couldnt respond, it broke me down, this is the woman I loved more than anything, who walked away from me 5ish (stopped counting) months ago... I almost cried... my new lady asked what was wrong, I showed her the message, and she said she understands how it hurts (we have both experienced crappy heardbreaks) and she would be there for me. so I stay silent, and am content, confused but content. then it happens... I am at work on a Sunday taking care of a few things in my office and apparently my ex works very close to here. well she apparently drove by and saw my car in the lot (one of 2 cars on a sunday) and called my office. well I dont know her new number, it pops up as her name in my phone... and I answer... shes parked outside begging and pleading me to come out and talk to her. So I made my first mistake... I did it, I went outside and talked to her for about an hour... she was telling me shes grown, she reaized she made this terrible mistake and would do anything for a second chance. how she hates her (now ex) new boyfriend because "hes not you" and on and on. so I tell her Ive gotta go, I went and picked up my lady friend, told her about all that, she hugs me and tells me itll be okay. I dont speak to my ex since sunday and last night she exts me and says "good night lovebirds" (I told her I had a special lady in my life on sunday). this isnt over, shes gonna try to get me back. I need help resisting, but the question that comes to my head is, is she sincere, does she actually realize her mistake, or is she just trying to get something familliar back? Should I even have the thought in my head that we might be able to work? GAH what is wrong with me? I dont want to screw up, but I have a crossroads here
TaraMaiden Posted July 13, 2010 Posted July 13, 2010 No, NO NO! How could you treat the new lady in your life, this way? She is nothing but supportive, understanding and is doing exactly the right thing. She's giving you trust and space to deal with this maturely. "Going back" and "second chances" rarely work. Your ex is on a rebound. She wants comfort, affection and a shoulder to lean on. She is hoping to regain your affection because she doesn't have anybody else's. She wants you back. but get this: She has no right to have you back, and she is playing with your fragile heart and disrespecting you - and your GF - more than I can say. This is selfishness to the top degree. She doesn't care that you have moved on. She doesn't care that you have someone new in your life. She doesn't care that this might cause disruption, upheaval and break your GF's heart.... She just wants you back to make herself feel better. She doesn't want you back for your sake. She wants you back for hers. And what do you think will happen, a couple of months down the line, if you roll over like a defeated puppy and let her get her way? She'll kick you where it hurts. I'm sorry. You really do have to tell her: "You had your chance. I'm not prepared to go back. I'm involved with someone else and it feels wonderful. I will not sacrifice my happiness just to make you feel better. Please leave me alone, and get on with your life. because I want no part in it. Do not contact me any more. " Please - will you do that? Please...??
mickleb Posted July 13, 2010 Posted July 13, 2010 No, NO NO! How could you treat the new lady in your life, this way? She is nothing but supportive, understanding and is doing exactly the right thing. She's giving you trust and space to deal with this maturely. "Going back" and "second chances" rarely work. Your ex is on a rebound. She wants comfort, affection and a shoulder to lean on. She is hoping to regain your affection because she doesn't have anybody else's. She wants you back. but get this: She has no right to have you back, and she is playing with your fragile heart and disrespecting you - and your GF - more than I can say. This is selfishness to the top degree. She doesn't care that you have moved on. She doesn't care that you have someone new in your life. She doesn't care that this might cause disruption, upheaval and break your GF's heart.... She just wants you back to make herself feel better. She doesn't want you back for your sake. She wants you back for hers. And what do you think will happen, a couple of months down the line, if you roll over like a defeated puppy and let her get her way? She'll kick you where it hurts. I'm sorry. You really do have to tell her: "You had your chance. I'm not prepared to go back. I'm involved with someone else and it feels wonderful. I will not sacrifice my happiness just to make you feel better. Please leave me alone, and get on with your life. because I want no part in it. Do not contact me any more. " Please - will you do that? Please...?? Yes. PLEASE. Your ex is a knob of the highest order. (That is not a compliment.) Do NOT f*ck up a good thing (newbie). x
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