ALombard Posted May 11, 2010 Posted May 11, 2010 Okay so here it is people! I finally did it! After two weeks of begging, crying, yelling, and irritating my ex to get back with me I finally said "enough is enough!". I told her last night that I couldn't talk to her any longer. No texts, calls, or FB messages. I told her that even though I love her that I can never talk to her or be her friend and that the only time I would ever talk to her is if she wanted to reconcile and get back together. I have a feeling she might want to later down the line because it's her pattern (dumping me after things get bad, jumping to another guy for a few weeks or months and then wanting me back). But I'm done, for so long I accept her pattern and even enjoyed it because I knew she would always come back. But now enough is enough I never should've taken her back the last two times. So yeah today was my first actual day where I didn't call, text, or FB message her. I feel like complete **** but at the same time I feel great. I feel like my sense of pride and self worth are slowly coming back and that I'm finally taking away the power from her. I feel so much more confident in myself and look forward to the next few weeks. I won't lie, this is one of THE hardest things I've done. It almost feels like I'm quitting a drug. But just like with any drug, if I don't quit it, it will destroy me. So I've just been trying to not think of her or who she's with or what she is doing. I do miss her terribly but I realized I can't hold onto her anymore. Any advice or encouragment would be helpful. Does anyone have certain things they did to help them block the memories of their ex and make it easier?
Author ALombard Posted May 11, 2010 Author Posted May 11, 2010 I like how so many people read these but never say anything haha.
jv032889 Posted May 11, 2010 Posted May 11, 2010 I'm choosing to be productive with the extra extra time i have on my hands. School, running, going out with friends, reconnecting with old friends. If you allow youself to wallow in your misery you will feel miserable. This is not an option. Its a new life. You have been given a second chance to find youself...or a partner on your journey.Take this opportunity and live life. Our exes only do what we allow them to do. We LSers must put our foot down and yell "NO MORE" Dont be afraid to step out the box. This too shall pass my friend...
collegemommy Posted May 11, 2010 Posted May 11, 2010 Good for you! It's confidence like this that makes me want to stick to no contact. I've not been in contact with my ex for 21 hours. I know that's not a lot but I'm working hard to not send a text. Thanks for sharing!
Author ALombard Posted May 11, 2010 Author Posted May 11, 2010 Go Collegemommy! Listen for me it has only been almost 2 days. But I'm telling you that just not talking to her has made me feel so much better. I said it once and I'll say it again. Sticking to NC is like trying to quit drugs. I don't know if you have ever known someone who has struggled with addiction but it isn't easy to get through. You have all the same feelings. Lets look at cocaine for example. A very good friend of mine a few years ago was doing coke and crack. When he decided to go cold turkey it was bad. He was anxious, depressed, moody and didn't do much except lay in bed. Now after during the first two weeks he told me constantly how badly he wanted to just use because it would make him feel better. I kept reminding him how he if he used he would take a giant leap backwards and have to start all over. As time progressed he got better. After a month he wasn't craving it or missing it much anymore. Now after 4 years of being clean he looks back on that struggle and laughs. That's how I'm looking at my situation, I was with someone for 5 years. Talking to them and seeing them every day for 5 years. Now I have to break that cycle, that addiction. I wanted so badly the first day to call her or text her or something! But in all honesty I feel so much better just after the first day of NC. I feel like I have my self confidence, my dignity, and my self respect back and I will no longer let some PERSON take that away from me again. Just keep asking yourself, how much is your self respect and dignity worth to you? If you don't care about it then please break NC. Now I don't know your ex at all but I know mine and I know eventually she will call me or text me for one of two reasons. Her little rebound boyfriend and her broke up (which happens a lot because she has broken up with me and dated another guy right afterwards TWICE already). Or, she wants to be friends. Either way I'm no longer looking back, this is a new beginning. So do what I'm doing. Look inside yourself, and close that chapter of your life that had your ex in it. Remember, it's not worth it to be sad during such a short life. Don't mourn the loss, celebrate it and be happy that now you can work on yourself and find someone better.
collegemommy Posted May 11, 2010 Posted May 11, 2010 Go Collegemommy! Listen for me it has only been almost 2 days. But I'm telling you that just not talking to her has made me feel so much better. I said it once and I'll say it again. Sticking to NC is like trying to quit drugs. I don't know if you have ever known someone who has struggled with addiction but it isn't easy to get through. You have all the same feelings. Lets look at cocaine for example. A very good friend of mine a few years ago was doing coke and crack. When he decided to go cold turkey it was bad. He was anxious, depressed, moody and didn't do much except lay in bed. Now after during the first two weeks he told me constantly how badly he wanted to just use because it would make him feel better. I kept reminding him how he if he used he would take a giant leap backwards and have to start all over. As time progressed he got better. After a month he wasn't craving it or missing it much anymore. Now after 4 years of being clean he looks back on that struggle and laughs. That's how I'm looking at my situation, I was with someone for 5 years. Talking to them and seeing them every day for 5 years. Now I have to break that cycle, that addiction. I wanted so badly the first day to call her or text her or something! But in all honesty I feel so much better just after the first day of NC. I feel like I have my self confidence, my dignity, and my self respect back and I will no longer let some PERSON take that away from me again. Just keep asking yourself, how much is your self respect and dignity worth to you? If you don't care about it then please break NC. Now I don't know your ex at all but I know mine and I know eventually she will call me or text me for one of two reasons. Her little rebound boyfriend and her broke up (which happens a lot because she has broken up with me and dated another guy right afterwards TWICE already). Or, she wants to be friends. Either way I'm no longer looking back, this is a new beginning. So do what I'm doing. Look inside yourself, and close that chapter of your life that had your ex in it. Remember, it's not worth it to be sad during such a short life. Don't mourn the loss, celebrate it and be happy that now you can work on yourself and find someone better. Thanks for your words of encouragement, ALombard. I know all about drug addiction as I too struggled with cocaine. I will be clean for 5 years this August. My ex is the reason I quit. So part of me feels like I owe him my life because he basically saved mine. I don't want to be upset over this anymore. I don't want to constantly check my phone to see if he called or sent a text. I don't want to constantly battle the urge to send him messages. It sucks knowing some one has so much control over you. I know, I let myself be under his control but if I could just find a way to stop it... Like you, my ex will eventually come looking for me. We have been friends since we were just toddlers. He has never been able to seriously stay away from me. Plus this is the second time he has done this. The first time was different in that I didn't realize he was messing with some other girl until after he came back. This time, he claims he has a girlfriend and has his kids around her so I guess it's a little more serious. However, at some point whether it is a couple of days or a couple of years, he will come looking for me. I keep praying that I move on quickly so that I have to temptation to go back. If he has done this to me twice, what would stop him from a third time? nothing... Well, back to fighting the urges! Thanks again!
shikio011 Posted May 11, 2010 Posted May 11, 2010 This is very encouraging. I can relate to you kind of but the only difference is my ex and i broke up & 4 months later she started dating someone else. Whether or not she still has feelings for me i dont know, but she's very good at keeping them to herself. Its been a week of full NC for me & i havent had a reply from her. Each day passes by & i feel a bit stronger knowing i havent had to check my phone constantly for her messages (but i still do like 2-3 times compared to 10 times a day). Its so difficult to not talk to her but reading your words is encouraging because now i know what getting rid of a drug addiction is like. Keep going with NC! wow, i should tell myself the same thing.
Author ALombard Posted May 12, 2010 Author Posted May 12, 2010 Hey guys, Yeah none of this is easy, so please don't think it is. Even today, she called me, I didn't pick up. Then I started trying to figure out why she did call me this morning. I wake up depressed but they key is to not think about what they are doing or who they are with. Like I said my ex literally jumped to another guy a day or two after we broke up. So I've been remember all the bad times I had with her. How she affected me negatively in my life. I've been thinking of all the things she did TO me after what I did FOR her. It's really been helping me move to the anger stage of grief. So try it out. Take your ex off the pedastle and it will help.
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