h'es not right

[soconfused01]

I *know* hes's not right for me. he was abusive emotionally for three years to me and I'm the one who left. He's with a new girl now and she cheated on her bf of 12 years to be with him. I am dating a new guy who is so wonderful and caring to me, I feel lucky and guilty at the same time because I'm so sad over loosing my first love, even though he was so terrible to me. I am horrible and got drunk and bc I've known his facebook password since we've broken up i've been trying so hard and been so sucessful not logging on to it but I got drunk tonight and gave in and it was horrible he said he had th ebest girlfriend ever and she was a keeper and thats why we broke up because he always said everyone was better than me. He never said I was the best girlfriend ever. It would have meant the world to me because I loved him with everything I had he was my first love and I know he would feel that way about anyone who would have him but it hurts so much. How do you forget about your first love? the first person you ever let in? I know my current boyfriend is the best thing to ever happen to me, he's the sweetest, nicest man and he truly values and understands me but why does it hurt that my first love has moved on? that I *can't* fall in love with him because I just can't...I'm the one who left him because I didn't feel safe but i never wanted to leave him, he was my soul. i know this is so pathetic. i am drunk. i know he doesn't care. he just wants anybody. i know that but why do i know that AND feel sad? fuuuuck

[xxJoyxx]

Losing your first love is hard! But it happens to almost everyone. Take some time to spend by yourself and actually find yourself. I was with my first love for 3 years, and then got into a rebound relationship a week after we broke up. I was with rebound guy for over a year because I was terrified to be alone. But one day I realized how unhealthy the relationship was, and left him. I spent a long time alone and really found out who I was, by myself. Best thing I ever did.