lsmitty66 Posted May 11, 2010 Posted May 11, 2010 I posted a while ago about my bf possibly getting this job half way across the country. Well...he got the job. I really am very excited for him and I am definitely willing to do the LDR. I just don't know where to start in terms of how to make this work. Does anyone have advice as to how to handle it and make sure that we make it through this. Please...any stories/words of wisdom would be extremely helpful. Thank you so much.
madjac74 Posted May 11, 2010 Posted May 11, 2010 We are in the same situation. We met here in Illinois and then she got a job in DC The most important thing to do first is make sure you have unlimited texting. We share our thoughts and whats going on in our day all day long via text. I wasnt a big texter until she moved and then I got my first $400 phone bill because of so many extra texts. Another good tip...there might be days where you don't hear from them at all. Don't assume the worst like they found someone else or something. This is a problem both of us have had and it led to a few arguments. I think its important to have lots of hobbies to fill in that time you normally spent with them. And use every communication avenue you can. Text, email, phone, webcam, chatrooms, etc... its amazing how todays technology can make someone so far away feel so close. Well I hope this helped alittle. Im no expert but I've been in an LDR for 9 months now and we have had a rollercoaster time with a few breakups even. In the end Ive realized no matter how far away she is there just isnt anyone Id rather be with.
Author lsmitty66 Posted May 13, 2010 Author Posted May 13, 2010 Thank you so much. I feel like I have had a chance to calm down and really start to figure this out. I do have another question though. Right now my SO and I live together. He is moving in a month. Once he moves, I will move back in with my parents. I don't feel like my parents are necessarily supportive of this whole thing because they feel it is not in my best interest. They say they want me to be happy and take what they say with a grain of salt but that they don't like that I'm putting MY life on hold for my SO. I worry about moving back in to this atmosphere, but if I don't move home, I will not be able to necessarily afford to go to visit. My SO suggested we all sit down together and possibly set some boundaries with my parents but I feel like they will take that as him telling them how they can or can't talk to me and get very defensive. I love him very much and I want to be with him. He has said several times that he does not want to take this job at the expense of our relationship, but I think in the long run it is a good move for him personally as well as us as a couple because it would give me a chance to experience things on my own...HELP!!!
Els Posted May 13, 2010 Posted May 13, 2010 To be bluntly honest with you, long distance (as in halfway across country type) has never improved a couple's relationship, except for some very rare exceptions. But that aside, I truly admire that you care for his success and well-being so much that you support him getting the job - it's one of the hardest things to do, and is really what true love is all about. With the great new job, though, can he not afford to pay for your visits so you will not have to move back into a tense atmosphere if you don't want to? I feel you will resent him if your parents make you unhappy and you have to stay with them everyday just to finance your visits.
madjac74 Posted May 13, 2010 Posted May 13, 2010 I would sit down with your parents without your bf and explain that you appreciate their help but if moving in with them will cause them to treat you as a child then you will find other living arrangements. Tell them to respect the choices that you make and keeping the relationship with your bf is what you want. I wouldnt say our relationship improved when my gf moved away but we definately agree it is stronger. We have so many doubters about our relationship and we laugh because these are usually friends who can't keep a relationship or are having problems with their bf/gf/spouse who they see all the time. Heck I lived under the same roof with my ex for 9 yrs of marriage and we just slowly suffocated each other. After awhile I didnt feel like I could be me or live up to her expectations and I was miserable. I finally find someone who loves me just as I am and makes me laugh and smile all day and inspires me to be a better person. I wouldnt give that up just because she moved half a country away. Besides I take the time we are apart to explore my individuality and pursue my goals and dreams and then we share with each other along the way. Plus when you actually see them you wont take a second of them for granted But you and your bf need to decide if you can committ to a relationship like this. You will need to find a good support system. It already sounds like you have doubters and that will never help. They will put those doubts in your head. I had a good friend who kept telling me she is probably there seeing and doing whoever she wants while you are here. I actually started to believe him which led to a big fight with my gf. Alot of this was my own trust issues because of previous relationships. Im glad I found a place like this because it is a good unbiased support from people who have dealt with the same situation. i had one other friend who was in an LDR and it failed in like 3 months. Not very good support there Hope this helps!
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