Is anyone else drawn to people in relationships?

[Engadget]

Looking back and taking an objective look at my dating past, I find there are quite a few angry boyfriends/ex boyfriends. The first girl I had sex with continued having sex with me through multiple partners. There was an ex boyfriend who harassed me relentlessly because he couldn't let go of a girl I was seeing (until I snapped and threatened him, then it ended). There are others but there are two recently, one girl I was just friends with who I jokingly flirted with, got an angry message from her boyfriend.

 

And I caused a MAJOR blowout between my friend's brother and his girlfriend, because she flirted with me.

 

Only recently have I really realized it's happened a lot. I'm guessing maybe it's just wanting what I can't have (but sometimes do) but I feel like there's a more subconscious reason it happens.

 

Any ideas?

[ADF]

I don't think your problem is that you're drawn to women in relationships. I think you problem is your need to belittle and humiliate other men.

 

You talk about cheating with one women on a succession of her boyfriends. You seem to take pleasure in having been able to threaten another man into backing down from you. You've provoked angry responses in men by flirting with their GFs.

 

No, I don't think this is about women at all. Not really.

 

For some reason, you need to affirm your manliness by taking other's men's masculinity away from them. In technical terms, you're an *********. If you really think you have a problem, start there.

[Engadget]

I don't think your problem is that you're drawn to women in relationships. I think you problem is your need to belittle and humiliate other men.

 

You talk about cheating with one women on a succession of her boyfriends. You seem to take pleasure in having been able to threaten another man into backing down from you. You've provoked angry responses in men by flirting with their GFs.

 

No, I don't think this is about women at all. Not really.

 

For some reason, you need to affirm your manliness by taking other's men's masculinity away from them. In technical terms, you're an *********. If you really think you have a problem, start there.

 

Thank you for your candor, I guess I am. However the person I got to back down wasn't dating this girl, they had been apart forever and he couldn't let go. He harassed me, so I fought back. She was actually single.

 

Mind you a lot of these start off with not knowing they're taken, or knowing nothing about their boyfriend.

Edited May 11, 2010 by Engadget

[Major]

I guess if you sincerely, don't know they are involved, that's dishonesty on their part. However, in studying relationships, I have found that most of the time when people have trouble not desiring to be with someone unless they are in a relationship, it's really a deep committment issue and in some cases, sibling rivalry. How do I mean? In a particular instance, I had a friend in college who was beautiful. She could have any guy she wanted and many guys were attracted to her. However, she only was attracted to guys who had girlfriends or wives. It was crazy. However, she had committment issues for one, and she knew that these guys wouldn't require too much of her except for looking beautiful and sex. That's all she wanted. Most of the time, they both lived in a fantasy and that was fine for her. She enjoyed the superficial attention, and because there wasn't a committment, the thrill never got old. Also, as a child, she and her only sister fought all the time. When her dad left her mom due to problems they had in the marriage, she still had the rivalry as when her dad was there between her sister. She always wanted to be the favorite daughter. This carried over into her adult life. Not only was she afraid of committment, because if too close, it revealed her true self, but she also enjoyed being the preferred over the wife or girlfriend. She felt as though she had the power to take something that didn't belong to her. Dysfunctional...but true. What do you think?