Change2 Posted May 11, 2010 Posted May 11, 2010 Since my hubby's affair my mind has been wondering sexually. I wonder what it would be like to be with someone else. Then i ended up being pg so that stopped.Well, my mind has been wondering again. I have never really been like this before. I feel bad for wondering what it would be like to be with someone else. Is this normal after being cheated on? or do you think it may be something else? Another issue i have is that he keeps asking if he satisfies me and if he is doing everything right. I thought maybe i would show him something different. so while we were in the moment i helped him out a little and tried to show him somethings i liked. Afterwards, he said he really didn't like how i just took over. he said it made him feel like i thought he didn't know what he was doing. Before i have tried explaining when he asked and he got frustrated. How am i to show him other ways when he asks then? Is it normal to go through a phase when your spouse gets on your nerves sexually? even the way they touch you ? our sex is usually great. i dont know if its his lack of confidence or what.
Darth Vader Posted May 16, 2010 Posted May 16, 2010 Since my hubby's affair my mind has been wondering sexually. I wonder what it would be like to be with someone else. Then i ended up being pg so that stopped.Well, my mind has been wondering again. I have never really been like this before. I feel bad for wondering what it would be like to be with someone else. Is this normal after being cheated on? or do you think it may be something else? Another issue i have is that he keeps asking if he satisfies me and if he is doing everything right. I thought maybe i would show him something different. so while we were in the moment i helped him out a little and tried to show him somethings i liked. Afterwards, he said he really didn't like how i just took over. he said it made him feel like i thought he didn't know what he was doing. Before i have tried explaining when he asked and he got frustrated. How am i to show him other ways when he asks then? Is it normal to go through a phase when your spouse gets on your nerves sexually? even the way they touch you ? our sex is usually great. i dont know if its his lack of confidence or what. He might be jealous of you knowing that much sexually. I mean, he may figure you learned stuff from past lovers that felt really good to you, and he may feel like he can't measure up, size or experience wise! Men don't like it when other men can rock their wife's world better than they can. See where I'm going? But he should be more willing to try some things, he knew beforehand when he married you about any past lovers you had.
rewe4reel Posted May 16, 2010 Posted May 16, 2010 goskim, It sounds like your husband has really blown it by having his affair. Maybe he wasn't the best you've ever had at sexually satisfying you but you were happy enough with him. Then he had his affair. And you're emotionally disconnecting from him. And he doesn't really know how to rock your world, and when you try to show him how, he resents it. It sounds like your marriage is over. Sooner or later you are going to act on your impulses. By cheating on you your husband has shown you he really doesn't give a sh*t. You know that, and that's what he's afraid of. Sometimes marriages can't recover from a spouse's affair. Yours sounds like ultimately it is unrecoverable.
on1wheel Posted May 17, 2010 Posted May 17, 2010 His affair has ruined ur marriage. Now that he has shown U that he cared so little that he betrayed you, well now ur mind is wondering if you should do the same. And for ur husband to ask what he could do better, only to resent it when you tried to show him...that's weird. As a man I always want to know if there is something specific that a woman likes. Not only is every woman different, even the same woman can change what she likes/needs within a relationship. I don't know why he would feel threatened by you "giving him a hand". Do not cheat though; even though he did. If you really want to try someone new, then tell him a go do it. He will have to suck it up!!! Good luck to you & sorry U were betrayed. There are too many of us & the number keeps climbing here :-(
Spark1111 Posted May 17, 2010 Posted May 17, 2010 Since my hubby's affair my mind has been wondering sexually. I wonder what it would be like to be with someone else. Then i ended up being pg so that stopped.Well, my mind has been wondering again. I have never really been like this before. I feel bad for wondering what it would be like to be with someone else. Is this normal after being cheated on? or do you think it may be something else? Another issue i have is that he keeps asking if he satisfies me and if he is doing everything right. I thought maybe i would show him something different. so while we were in the moment i helped him out a little and tried to show him somethings i liked. Afterwards, he said he really didn't like how i just took over. he said it made him feel like i thought he didn't know what he was doing. Before i have tried explaining when he asked and he got frustrated. How am i to show him other ways when he asks then? Is it normal to go through a phase when your spouse gets on your nerves sexually? even the way they touch you ? our sex is usually great. i dont know if its his lack of confidence or what. It is perfectly normal to fantasize about this after a spouse's betrayal! I sat around wondering why the hell I had been so faithful when he had not. I was jealous he got to experience and passionate physical and emotional relationship with someone new, and I think new is the key word! I mean, who wouldn't want those heady hormonal rushes of feeling 17 again! I too tried to recreate that passion in our bedroom and while he enjoyed most of my efforts, he was also made less confident and/or more jealous by them wondering "Hmmm...where did she learn that?" Often, the betrayer begins to feel insecure after an affair, which is also normal. Keep trying, use lots of praise, and try to communicate your needs before or after the actual act. Life is short. Try to get what you need, and if you need to spice things up, tell him so.. We are all allowed to grow and change and experiment. Plus, the more orgasmic you are with a man, the more a woman emotionally bonds to him. I think you are trying to save your marriage and that is all good, isn't it? Good luck to you.
Recommended Posts