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Posted

So I've been trying this online dating thing for a around a month now. I've talked to a lot of girls, and I should note that many of them initiated the conversation with me. However, all of them simply stop responding to me at some point after a week or so. Not after any kind of drastic step I've tried to take, like asking them out. I'd get it if I've come on too strong with anything. But it's simply stopping mid-conversation while emailing back and fourth. We'll be asking questions, trying to learn about each other, and all of a sudden they just don't respond. I haven't asked any crazy questions, just simple one's like "What other music do you like?" or "So how do you like such-and-such about your job?" Are they just attention whores or did someone perform a lobotomy on them some point after the last email?

 

And secondly, for those who have had success online, how did things progress? Did you email back and fourth for a long time before you went out? Did you talk on the phone before you met up?

Posted

First question: They met someone else and decided to see where that would take them. Nothing you did or didn't do. It's just the nature of online dating. A lot of it has to do with timing.

 

Second question: I have never really been all that successful. I've only met one person through online dating who I dated for a while. We started talking via email one evening, got on the phone later that night, then met at a Dennys at like 1 AM. But online dating has just gotten too frustrating for me...

  • Author
Posted
First question: They met someone else and decided to see where that would take them. Nothing you did or didn't do. It's just the nature of online dating. A lot of it has to do with timing.

 

Second question: I have never really been all that successful. I've only met one person through online dating who I dated for a while. We started talking via email one evening, got on the phone later that night, then met at a Dennys at like 1 AM. But online dating has just gotten too frustrating for me...

 

I know the timing issue, but isn't the whole point of dating, especially online, to keep things open and get to know different people? These girls are all still active online, so I know they haven't definitely found someone else. So I just don't get it.

 

Wow, you went on a date the same day you met her? And here I'm trying to follow the stupid, pointless rules of "limiting emails, asking for her number at the right time, and setting up a date the wrong way." hahaha

Posted
I know the timing issue, but isn't the whole point of dating, especially online, to keep things open and get to know different people? These girls are all still active online, so I know they haven't definitely found someone else. So I just don't get it.

 

Well, it also depends on the person...some are comfortable with multi-dating and spreading their time and effort on multiple people, while others (like myself) prefer to focus on one person at a time...both are perfectly fine approaches...it just depends on their personality...so if they only date one person at a time, then you might not hear from them for a while as they focus on that one person...if it doesn't work out, you might hear from them again later on...again, it's just the nature of the beast...

 

 

Wow, you went on a date the same day you met her? And here I'm trying to follow the stupid, pointless rules of "limiting emails, asking for her number at the right time, and setting up a date the wrong way." hahaha

 

Yea...but that was definitely the exception rather than the rule...things flowed naturally...albeit quickly...we exchanged a couple emails over the course of about an hour...then I got her number...talked on the phone for a little while...and we were both bored on a Friday night, so we decided to meet up at Dennys, and we ended up spending a couple hours there just talking and having a good time...

 

I am not a big fan of all those silly rules and games...if they are interested, there is no need for games...things will just happen naturally and at a comfortable pace...the right time to ask for the number or setting up a date is when the circumstances tell you that she's willing to give her number or she's interested in meeting you in person...

 

Sometimes it happens as quickly as a single evening, but sometimes it takes a couple weeks to develop everything...just take it as it comes...

  • Author
Posted

I am not a big fan of all those silly rules and games...if they are interested, there is no need for games...things will just happen naturally and at a comfortable pace...the right time to ask for the number or setting up a date is when the circumstances tell you that she's willing to give her number or she's interested in meeting you in person...

 

Sometimes it happens as quickly as a single evening, but sometimes it takes a couple weeks to develop everything...just take it as it comes...

 

Oh I totally agree. I posted in another thread about the "rules of dating" in general (i.e. wait two to three days before calling) being completely senseless. I have no problem with how fast things move and don't understand why the idea freaks people out if it's just happening naturally.

Posted

The point of the emails in online dating is to try and verify that the person is reasonably who they say they are in a profile. Move to the next step of setting up a face to face meeting as soon as possible. Email is soley the means to meeting someone in person.

 

Spending too much time chatting online risks that the other person will find someone else or that you do not write as well as you come off in person and blow your chance.

  • Author
Posted
The point of the emails in online dating is to try and verify that the person is reasonably who they say they are in a profile. Move to the next step of setting up a face to face meeting as soon as possible. Email is soley the means to meeting someone in person.

 

Spending too much time chatting online risks that the other person will find someone else or that you do not write as well as you come off in person and blow your chance.

 

I did that with one girl, and she blew me off an hour before the date. She winked at me first, so I emailed her. We mentioned a few things we liked and made a couple jokes and I brought up this one place by her and we decided to meet. We exchanged numbers, and then an hour before we we're supposed to meet she gives me a BS excuse that she can't make it and doesn't reschedule.

 

Why go through all the trouble and screw my schedule up if your just going to change your mind? Some girls are bipolar headcases, I swear...

Posted

Well it depends on the site. Match.com or plentyoffish.com offer a feature that is pretty much a killer for online dating.

 

What do women like to do? The answer is shop.

 

Websites like these offer a browse option so what do women do, they go window shopping and even if they start the convo there are several other eligable men they can easily switch to. Its no different than if 100 guys lined up and they walked through and picked the ones they like.

 

Its too convenient. I recommend eharmony or a site that doesnt let you browse so that each match is some what exclusive and resticrtive on the amount of men or women people can talk to.

  • Author
Posted
Well it depends on the site. Match.com or plentyoffish.com offer a feature that is pretty much a killer for online dating.

 

What do women like to do? The answer is shop.

 

Websites like these offer a browse option so what do women do, they go window shopping and even if they start the convo there are several other eligable men they can easily switch to. Its no different than if 100 guys lined up and they walked through and picked the ones they like.

 

Its too convenient. I recommend eharmony or a site that doesnt let you browse so that each match is some what exclusive and resticrtive on the amount of men or women people can talk to.

 

Good point, I agree. And that's all well and good, I mean I try to find as many girls to talk to as possible. But if I'm interested in them, I'll try to get to know them better and not cut it off halfway through that process for no reason.

 

I've been on Match.com for a month, and OKCupid for a couple weeks (which seems like the best out of all of them). Plentyoffish seemed a little too creepy.

 

EHarmony doesn't work because after that huge test that took me forever to finish, those bastards told me they couldn't match me with anything. Chemistry.com seems pretty solid though, Match.com gives you a link to it and it's like a less intense EHarmony.

Posted
I did that with one girl, and she blew me off an hour before the date. She winked at me first, so I emailed her. We mentioned a few things we liked and made a couple jokes and I brought up this one place by her and we decided to meet. We exchanged numbers, and then an hour before we we're supposed to meet she gives me a BS excuse that she can't make it and doesn't reschedule.

 

Why go through all the trouble and screw my schedule up if your just going to change your mind? Some girls are bipolar headcases, I swear...

 

She did you a favor, you found out she was not for you and didn't have to spend a dime. My experience was that the % of wacky people was the same online as offline, the problem is that people can hide it better online.

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Posted
She did you a favor, you found out she was not for you and didn't have to spend a dime. My experience was that the % of wacky people was the same online as offline, the problem is that people can hide it better online.

 

She saved me money but wasted my time (literally, she could have gave me some decent forewarning of breaking the date). And there was absolutely nothing between when I asked her out and our date. It just came out of the blue.

 

I hear that, though. It wasn't the first time a girl said yes to going out with me, then didn't follow through...

Posted

I tried match for a while and i had the same issue. I sent maybe 50 emails out and only got a reply to maybe 5 of them and out of those 5 we would email then they would stop. I asked some and they flat out said they are interested in someone else. It seems like timing you have to be the first to contact them otherwise you end up in a "queue"

 

I have used eharmony with a ton of success, the first time I did it they couldnt match me with anyone either it took a day or two for the matches to come in and honestly i got too many in the end. Surprisingly most were all stable and beautiful women.

  • Author
Posted
It seems like timing you have to be the first to contact them otherwise you end up in a "queue"

 

hahaha Like taking a number at the grocery store.

Posted

I found *far* more compatible matches on eH than I did on Chemistry.

Posted
I found *far* more compatible matches on eH than I did on Chemistry.

 

 

So you'd recommend EH...? I took their test years ago and got the 'no matches for you so please go away' response...never tried again...

 

I've been comtemplating giving it another go...

Posted

I am a girl. IMO There are nothing wrong with emailing back and forth for a few weeks. My guess is that your girls were not sure that you were an interesting guy for them from the begining, so they gave you a chance.

You might prove that there was no chemistry for them.

 

Other options are that the girls were fakes or flakes. What site do you use?

Some sites, especially free ones, have too many fakes to drag you into paying for someting or whatever they want.

 

What age of the girls? Are they emotionally mature? Do they know what they want?

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Posted
So you'd recommend EH...? I took their test years ago and got the 'no matches for you so please go away' response...never tried again...

 

I've been comtemplating giving it another go...

 

I looked up why it would give you that message when I got it. It said either they couldn't match you or you were someone who just BSed the answers so you could browse the site. I find it very hard to believe there's no one they could match me with, unless I'm just hopeless.:(

 

Chemistry gives me quite a few matches each day, and OKCupid tells me I'm highly compatible with a lot of girls. Which BTW Hokie, you should give that site a shot too since it's free. I actually like it a lot better than Match.com

 

I am a girl. IMO There are nothing wrong with emailing back and forth for a few weeks. My guess is that your girls were not sure that you were an interesting guy for them from the begining, so they gave you a chance.

You might prove that there was no chemistry for them.

 

Other options are that the girls were fakes or flakes. What site do you use?

Some sites, especially free ones, have too many fakes to drag you into paying for someting or whatever they want.

 

What age of the girls? Are they emotionally mature? Do they know what they want?

 

No, they were definitely flakes because they stopped talking after I asked them more about themselves. And as I said, the girl I asked out broke it off with me an hour before our date.

 

I'm 25, so the girls I'm looking for are 20-27 (though I've talked to one 19 and one 28 year old that seemed interesting). I should probably expect to get a decent amount of headcases at that age range though....

Posted

I'm 25, so the girls I'm looking for are 20-27 (though I've talked to one 19 and one 28 year old that seemed interesting). I should probably expect to get a decent amount of headcases at that age range though....

 

In general, a girl 19 does not know what she wants. So, you have to brainwash her into a belief that she might get smth from you for her benefits.

 

An average girl, 28 often wants a real BF who is a potential husband material. She wants it deep inside her sole and she might present herself totally differently on outside. Do you present yourself as a serious BF material?

  • Author
Posted
In general, a girl 19 does not know what she wants. So, you have to brainwash her into a belief that she might get smth from you for her benefits.

 

An average girl, 28 often wants a real BF who is a potential husband material. She wants it deep inside her sole and she might present herself totally differently on outside. Do you present yourself as a serious BF material?

 

Yea, that's why I don't put too much stock into the younger one's. Honestly, the only reason I'm talking to the 19 year old is because she's really cute lol.

 

I'd like to get more of the older ones, but half of them are looking for an older man (I guess mostly for the reason you mentioned). My stepsister said the same thing, girls around that age are looking for husband material. I do present myself as one, but I don't think about it. I just try to mix funny and kind, as later when we actually date I'd show her more and more that I'm bf-to-husband worthy haha.

Posted

If you want to meet women, face to face, and not pay a fee I vote for POF. I use OKCupid but for some reason the women on there are more flakey. I've met with 5 women on POF, so far I haven't been able to get one meet up with OKCupid.

Posted (edited)

There are no hard and fast rules for internet dating. Generally speaking, you should be able to tell within three or four emails if you have any connection with a given person. I think you should never let things go on longer than a week during the email stage.

 

I've had four brief relationships as a result of internet dating. Generally speaking, it didn't take very long for things to start happening. Usually within a couple of dates. If a woman likes you, she likes you. You shouldn't have to try too hard for things to start happening.

Edited by Tim The Enchanter
Posted

Girls stop responding because you're taking too long to take things to the next level.

 

Most girls only want to email back and forth from 1-3 times.

 

Next step would be to get her phone number and get her on the phone.

 

Keep the phone call to a maximum 15 minutes. During the call be sure to arrange a date/time to meet. Also, be sure you're the one who ends the call after the meeting is set (very important).

 

Good luck! :)

Posted

I agree online conversation should be limited and should not go on forever. I wouldn't say that there is a set number such as four to five emails or one to two weeks since every conversation and every girl is different. I say once you feel that you know her a little bit such as finding out some her interests, hobbies goals and aspirations then its probably time to ask for her phone number. If you continue on emailing back and forth she will think that you are just on there for emailing and conversation. Let her know your intentions better sooner than later. I have been in online dating for 4 months and haven't been on a date. But thats okay, online dating is not to be taken seriously. So use this time to better yourself as a person. You are your best asset.

Posted

So which sites are totally free?

I've seen so many listed.

I've seen the eharmony commercials so I assume that isn't free.

I know match isn't either.

 

POF yeah looks like a scary site.

singles.net free but so little info in the profiles.

  • Author
Posted
So which sites are totally free?

I've seen so many listed.

I've seen the eharmony commercials so I assume that isn't free.

I know match isn't either.

 

POF yeah looks like a scary site.

singles.net free but so little info in the profiles.

 

Definitely go with OKCupid. I'm talking to four girls who are pretty down to earth right now. POF and Yahoo Personals seem like 90% fake profiles, at least Yahoo Personals is.

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