motogirl Posted May 11, 2010 Posted May 11, 2010 Is it okay if my husband and I like to spend the majority of our free time together? I'm just looking for reassurance that we aren't abnormal! My husband works nights and I work days. He also drives an hour one way to work and works up to 60 hours a week. We are only home together for 1 1/2 hours on weeknights. During that time, I'm cooking and he's waking up, showering and getting dressed for work. Then we eat together and talk until he leaves for work. Weekends...he works Friday nights and the time he gets home on Saturdays varies from 7:00 AM to noon. Sometimes he will take a nap for 2 to 4 hours if he gets home early. If he gets home late, he usually won't sleep until Saturday night. I have 2 boys from a previous marriage and we always spend Saturday afternoons either with a family activity or something just the 2 of us. He's of course worn out on Saturday nights and sleeps until 11:00 AM or noon on Sundays. Then we almost always spend Sunday afternoons and evenings together. He has to try and stay up all night Sunday to sleep all day Monday so he can work that night. I stay up as long as I can with him Sunday night and then go to bed so I can get up for work. That's the extent of the time we get to spend together. We get along great, very rarely argue or bicker and genuinely love being together. We miss each other a lot during the week and we don't get on each others nerves when we are together. We share so many of the same interests that it's easy to spend most of our free time together and never get bored. I'm an outdoor kind of girl and we both love fishing, guns, compound bows, hunting, ATV riding, dirtbike riding, motorcycle riding, camping, hiking and canoeing. Sometimes we like to do these things just the two of us and sometimes we take the boys with us. As for friends, I'm close with my sister. She and her husband share a lot of the same interests with us. So we do things with them sometimes. Also, his best friend since grade school is married and we do a lot of things with them. We aren't into the 'girls night/guys night out' really but really weren't into that before we got together either. I spent a lot of time with my kids, sister and other family and he spent a lot of time with his best friend and his wife and their son. So our social habits haven't really changed except now we have each other. We are very happy but this sure does seem to bug other people. I hear comments from people all the time about how we are 'joined at the hip' and 'don't we ever get tired of spending time together?' I work with my mother-in-law (that's how I met hubby) and even she has comments. If hubby schedules a day off work and asks me to take a vacation day too so we can spend a day together my mother-in-law will comment "Can't he ever take a day off by himself?" I think obviously, if he wanted to, he would. I am getting very annoyed with the comments. Good grief. I would think as long as we are happy it shouldn't bug anyone else. It's not like we each had lots of single friends that we hung out with before we got together and are now ignoring them. We weren't really socially outgoing before. We completely respect the couples that thrive on the division of couple time/alone time/guys & girl time...it's just not our thing. We truly would rather be together. We also don't have a problem if the other wants to spend a little time apart. There have been a few times that he's went fishing or dirtbike riding with his brother and I didn't go and a few times I've went out to eat or shopping with my sister and he didn't go. A few times my sister and I have taken our kids somewhere and he stayed home. It's just that for us, those time are very rare and we both like it that way. Why do we have to be labeled as abnormal if it works for us? I know there are some other couples like us out there and they have been together for a long time so it obviously does work for some couples!
Sexual Being Posted May 11, 2010 Posted May 11, 2010 Hell yes. you guys are not "normal". Normal implies that you belong to the "norm" and if you look at the majority of people, they bicker over anything, they get divorced, they cheat and they mistreat each other. Be thankful you're not normal, normalcy is overrated. I (and probably a bunch of people on here) envy and sometimes hate people like you, all happy and stuff, how dare you be happy around all of us unhappy people? I say, mom in law has too much time to herself and you should come up with funny remarks to counter her obviously insanely jealous attitude. Heck, if my life was miserable and you were my daughter I may also try to bring some trouble into paradise just to see if I could. Ok, enough sarcasm. I'm really happy for you guys, keep it up. you obviously have a very hectic schedule and make the most of it, you should be proud of that and don't let anyone take that away from you. Enjoy your happiness and just let the rest roll off your shoulder.
Eeyore79 Posted May 11, 2010 Posted May 11, 2010 It's perfectly fine if you want to spend your free time together. I'm also the sort of person who wants to spend a lot of time with my partner, and I'm not really compatible with the type of person who wants to spend a lot of time apart. Different people like different things; you like what you like, and have no need to feel bad about it.
crazycatlady Posted May 11, 2010 Posted May 11, 2010 As long as both partners are getting what they need its great. Its awesome that you both feel the same need so don't need to bicker about time apart - when one likes it and one is like you. As for other people saying something about it, just ignore them and simply wink at them and say "I'm not going to miss this extra oppertunity" or something like that. Embares them for asking something like that. I don't get that desire myself, I'm one of those who likes having girl time, or alone time, but we also spend a lot more time together then you two spend. And even apart we remain in contact through email or texting. So if it makes you both happy, celebrate! Its rare to find two people with the same togetherness needs that fit so well.
Woggle Posted May 11, 2010 Posted May 11, 2010 How sad is it that nowadays it is considered strange that a couple actually likes being with each other? These are some seriously disturbing days we live in.
xxoo Posted May 11, 2010 Posted May 11, 2010 It's absolutely fine. My H and I have been best friends since we met 20 years ago. We also work different shifts (to accomodate childcare needs), so our time together is limited. We really look forward to our time together! We do spend some time apart by choice, but it is primarily about a break from the kids, rather than time apart from each other. We'll do things alone (see a movie, get coffee, exercise, etc) while the other has the kids. If the kids were more independent, we'd do most of those things together, too. If I have the choice of with him or without him, I nearly always choose with him .
BubbleFreak Posted May 11, 2010 Posted May 11, 2010 Keep doing what makes you happy Motogirl! Forget about the people who think they know better than you about your relationship. Becoming enmeshed is only a problem if you and/or your partner think it is. Why stop doing something that makes you happy just so you can be "normal"? You're very lucky.
Author motogirl Posted May 12, 2010 Author Posted May 12, 2010 Thanks to everyone for the replies. Good to hear I'm not crazy! It really annoys me when two of my co-workers start throwing the term 'co-dependent' at me. Hubby and I can definitely be apart. We are apart a lot with his work schedule and neither one of us gets mad when we rarely do want to spend free time apart. We just both prefer to spend most of our free time together. I don't ridicule some of my co-workers because they prefer to spend most of their free time without their husbands and just mainly have a scheduled weekend date time. If that's what works for them, I think it's great. Guess I'd just like to have them extend the same courtesy to me. I'll take the advice here and start ignoring the comments, keep enjoying my marriage and remember that everyone is different. I especially liked Crazy Cat Lady's suggestion. LOL!
Frontliner Posted May 12, 2010 Posted May 12, 2010 Keep doing what makes you happy Motogirl! Forget about the people who think they know better than you about your relationship. Becoming enmeshed is only a problem if you and/or your partner think it is. Why stop doing something that makes you happy just so you can be "normal"? You're very lucky. You should take this advice Motogirl. Good luck.
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