curious2 Posted May 10, 2010 Posted May 10, 2010 Ok So here is a survey for the pesron on the other side. The purpose here is to let others (who dont understand why you do the things you do) get to know you better as a person. 1. Are there rules that you follow? (here what I'm specifically asking is if there a set of rules that you always go by- never get to close to the MM/MW, dont tell anyone about the relationship, etc.) 3.Who are the men/woman that you tend to attract or in other words what type of person is atrracted to you? 4.What type of person are you attracted to? (do you always go after married men/women or do they just fall in your lap, what type of personality) 5. Who would you never have an affair with? (familys husbands/wives, friends, people in your church, etc.) 6. Do you think certian people have affairs or does it just occur in the moment? (certian personality types, etc.) 7. What are the reason for choosing a married person to have a relationship with? (do you choose them because you dont want a relationship and being married makes them unavailable, do you just fall in love with them) 8. Why do you think the cheaters choose to cheat on there wife or husband? 9. Have you ever been caught and how? 10. If you did get confronted or caught by the wife of husband did you deny it or confess? 11. If you got confronted but the evidence wasnt clear would you deny it? 12. Do you ever think about the wife/husband your were hurting during the affair and if so did you feel guilty? 13. Were you ever on the other side-being cheated on? 14.What is the biggest secret you ever kept? 15.What was the most horrible thing you ever did during an affair? (the thing that mad you feel most guilty) 16.Would you ever consider telling the wife/husband about the affair even though you knew you wouldnt get caught? 17. are your affair emotional affairs or sexual? 18.Why do you think the the person you had an affair with cheat in the first place? (serial cheaters, wives wernt satifying enough, etc.) 19. How do you meet the person, and how did the affair begin to blossom (was it a freindship first, or a crazy drunkin night) 20. Was there any one you regret having an affair with? 21. If you could give advice to the husband or wife suspecting an affair what would you tell them to look for? What if you were a mutual friend of the couple would they still look for the same things? (On the second part of this question what I am asking for is would you act differently if the wife/husband who was getting cheated on was your friend, would you back off or get closer to that person in order to hide the affair. 22. How did you hide the affair, what steps did you take in order not to get caught? 23. Lastly, How did the person you had an affair with hide the affair from their wife/husband? (What excusses did they use, tactics, etc) I know this survey is a little long. Answer any or all of the questions. I been reading alot on these forums and the reaccuring question seems to be I dont understand, so please help everyone understand and maybe some of the stigma will be taken off of the OW/OM.
bananalaffytaffy Posted May 10, 2010 Posted May 10, 2010 Are you writing a book? And what happened to #2?
jwi71 Posted May 10, 2010 Posted May 10, 2010 Are you writing a book? And what happened to #2? #2 can't make it - at home with wife and kids... (couldn't resist) 1
Fieldsofgold Posted May 11, 2010 Posted May 11, 2010 #2 can't make it - at home with wife and kids... (couldn't resist) roflmho!!! 1
twinsmom Posted May 11, 2010 Posted May 11, 2010 Good Lord! Do you actually expect anyone to respond to that list? Good luck.
MizzBlue72 Posted May 11, 2010 Posted May 11, 2010 LOL ---- I can say one thing though - not every mm or mw has kids ....
meemee Posted May 11, 2010 Posted May 11, 2010 This list seems to assume that all om/ow have had multiple relationships with married men or women and seek them out. Much of what I've seen from reading this forum is men & women dealing with the pain of love or attraction to someone attached to another. Not a situation most folks would knowingly jump back into. Sure, there are exceptions, but most are venting frustration or grief.
BB07 Posted May 11, 2010 Posted May 11, 2010 Good Lord! Do you actually expect anyone to respond to that list? Good luck. I second that motion. BTW......what is the purpose of your survey? Seems a little strange and puts me off........call me cynical I guess. Ummmm........after I read that the 2nd time, I feel pretty confident that a bs wrote that and is on a fishing expedition. Anyone else thinking the same?
OWoman Posted May 11, 2010 Posted May 11, 2010 Ok So here is a survey for the pesron on the other side. The purpose here is to let others (who dont understand why you do the things you do) get to know you better as a person. was this meant to sound as patronising as it comes across? 1. Are there rules that you follow? (here what I'm specifically asking is if there a set of rules that you always go by- never get to close to the MM/MW, dont tell anyone about the relationship, etc.) No. I don't follow rules. I'm not the conforming kind. 3.Who are the men/woman that you tend to attract or in other words what type of person is atrracted to you? All kinds. Happy, secure, fulfilled people are a target for attention. 4.What type of person are you attracted to? (do you always go after married men/women or do they just fall in your lap, what type of personality) People at the top of their game. Passionate, hot, brilliant, fun, charismatic, in control, dynamic, creative, sophisticated, caring, active leaders with good core values. 5. Who would you never have an affair with? (familys husbands/wives, friends, people in your church, etc.) Anyone who voted Conservative. Anyone ugly, stupid, neurotic, pathetic, in-bred, addicted, clingy, dependent, infatuated, sexually restrained, religious, politically unsound, metrosexual or younger than me. Corporate types. Men who wear grey shoes or y-fronts. Men with no hair on their chests. Men with comb-overs or bad breath. Smokers. Dad-dancers. Anyone with hip-hop or rap on their iPod. Men who wear their trousers too low, or too high. Citizens of nations whose foreign policy I dislike. Native speakers of languages whose accents I dislike. Racists. People who are mean to animals. Smug, arrogant or conceited people. People with low self-esteem. Insecure people. Dead people. Anyone who lacked "chemistry". Anyone who hit on me, or let it be known they were interested in me. 6. Do you think certian people have affairs or does it just occur in the moment? (certian personality types, etc.) Without knowing what a certian person was, I couldn't attempt to answer that. 7. What are the reason for choosing a married person to have a relationship with? (do you choose them because you dont want a relationship and being married makes them unavailable, do you just fall in love with them) There is less chance of a MM being clingy and suffocating than an SG, though this is not infallible. 8. Why do you think the cheaters choose to cheat on there wife or husband? I don't go for cheaters, so I couldn't guess that. (And I'm assuming you mean "their" not "there"). The MMs I had As with were A virgins. They chose to engage in the A with me because they agreed with the terms on offer. 9. Have you ever been caught and how? No. 10. If you did get confronted or caught by the wife of husband did you deny it or confess? Did not happen. 11. If you got confronted but the evidence wasnt clear would you deny it? I don't discuss my private life with any random person who comes up to me on the street. 12. Do you ever think about the wife/husband your were hurting during the affair and if so did you feel guilty? If there was any "hurting", it was collateral damage. 13. Were you ever on the other side-being cheated on? No. 14.What is the biggest secret you ever kept? wtf? it's a secret! NOYB! 15.What was the most horrible thing you ever did during an affair? (the thing that mad you feel most guilty) Nothing at all. no guilt. nothing horrible. why would I do it if I thought it was horrible? 16.Would you ever consider telling the wife/husband about the affair even though you knew you wouldnt get caught? kissing and telling is tacky. 17. are your affair emotional affairs or sexual? passionate. hot. steamy. 18.Why do you think the the person you had an affair with cheat in the first place? (serial cheaters, wives wernt satifying enough, etc.) they obviously like the terms of the proposal. 19. How do you meet the person, and how did the affair begin to blossom (was it a freindship first, or a crazy drunkin night) mostly work-related. 20. Was there any one you regret having an affair with? no. 21. If you could give advice to the husband or wife suspecting an affair what would you tell them to look for? What if you were a mutual friend of the couple would they still look for the same things? (On the second part of this question what I am asking for is would you act differently if the wife/husband who was getting cheated on was your friend, would you back off or get closer to that person in order to hide the affair. If I were the friend of someone who suspected their spouse of an A, I'd advise them to speak to their spouse. 22. How did you hide the affair, what steps did you take in order not to get caught? Nothing. Carried on my life as usual. 23. Lastly, How did the person you had an affair with hide the affair from their wife/husband? (What excusses did they use, tactics, etc) HTFWIK? I wasn't there watching them! I know this survey is a little long. Answer any or all of the questions. I been reading alot on these forums and the reaccuring question seems to be I dont understand, so please help everyone understand and maybe some of the stigma will be taken off of the OW/OM. No stigma that I've ever come across IRL - just here, on these boards...
joey66 Posted May 11, 2010 Posted May 11, 2010 Are you writing a book? I doubt it. Too many spelling, grammar, and usage errors. curious2 - If you are serious about this, you need to give us a little more info. What is your purpose?
OWoman Posted May 11, 2010 Posted May 11, 2010 I doubt it. Too many spelling, grammar, and usage errors. I suspect English is not the OP's first language. The book might be in Klingon, Vogon or Quenya. curious2 - If you are serious about this, you need to give us a little more info. What is your purpose? And who's "us" that want to get to know OW / OM better??
bananalaffytaffy Posted May 11, 2010 Posted May 11, 2010 I doubt it. Too many spelling, grammar, and usage errors. curious2 - If you are serious about this, you need to give us a little more info. What is your purpose?I can't really answer all that anyway, but don't like feeling like a lab rat... or a volunteer for a Cosmo magazine expose... or a college psych experiment... or...
joey66 Posted May 11, 2010 Posted May 11, 2010 And who's "us" that want to get to know OW / OM better?? Not sure whether that's directed at me or the original poster, but either way I should have been more careful. My sincerest apologies. Let me try again. curious2 - If you are serious about this, you need to provide more info. What is your purpose?
OWoman Posted May 11, 2010 Posted May 11, 2010 Not sure whether that's directed at me or the original poster, but either way I should have been more careful. My sincerest apologies. Let me try again. It was a response to your comment, but directed at the OP.... who is one of a group of "us" who want to get to know OW / OM better. Perhaps it's a mission, been sent from the mothership? Maybe they don't have As on that planet, so they're wanting to find out what happens on earth? Maybe they'll be doing anal probes next
OWoman Posted May 11, 2010 Posted May 11, 2010 I can't really answer all that anyway, but don't like feeling like a lab rat... or a volunteer for a Cosmo magazine expose... or a college psych experiment... or... Yep I thought it was an undergrad term paper assignment - hence the type of answers I provided (on the same level of superficiality and inanity as the questions). It will provide some lecturer's daily dose of educational deficit reality...
secretlady76 Posted May 11, 2010 Posted May 11, 2010 I have no problem filling out a survey, but sorry, this survey is RUBBISH. In fact I think it might be the worst survey I have ever read, not that I could read it thanks to the typos. Right, next thread......
Fallen Angel Posted May 11, 2010 Posted May 11, 2010 Most of the questions seem to assume that the people posting here are serial OW/OM. I think, with a few exceptions, we are not. I also think most of the questions assume that people posting here are in very superficial, shallow, sex-based affairs. I think, with few exceptions, we are not. I would like to suggest that rather than ask us to fill out a long (somewhat annoying) survey, the OP should take the time to read the threads that are posted, if that is the OP really has any desire to learn more about us. ***HINT*** You can search out posts by any member simply by typing our screen names in the little SEARCH box at the top of the page. By reading our posts you will learn much more about us than any survey will teach you.
MorningCoffee Posted May 11, 2010 Posted May 11, 2010 Most of the questions seem to assume that the people posting here are serial OW/OM. I think, with a few exceptions, we are not. I also think most of the questions assume that people posting here are in very superficial, shallow, sex-based affairs. I think, with few exceptions, we are not. I would like to suggest that rather than ask us to fill out a long (somewhat annoying) survey, the OP should take the time to read the threads that are posted, if that is the OP really has any desire to learn more about us. ***HINT*** You can search out posts by any member simply by typing our screen names in the little SEARCH box at the top of the page. By reading our posts you will learn much more about us than any survey will teach you. Amen. Could not have said it better.
pureinheart Posted May 12, 2010 Posted May 12, 2010 This is mostlikely from exDM kids...it looks similar to the one I got a few years back.
herenow Posted May 12, 2010 Posted May 12, 2010 I have to admit that the reason I came to LS in the first place is to try and understand the POV of an OW. I didn't want to call the OW in my case because I felt that bringing her into "my" life would have been counter productive. My issues were with my H and I needed to keep it that way. If the OP is a new BW/BH then I can see why he or she would have these questions. When life as you know it takes a sharp turn, the best we can do to keep sane is try to make sense of it all. Understanding the other side POV helps. Now, since we don't know anything about the OP, it's hard to determine what his or her goal is. To the OP: It would help you and everyone else here if you gave us some insight.
GreenEyedLady Posted May 12, 2010 Posted May 12, 2010 I have to admit that the reason I came to LS in the first place is to try and understand the POV of an OW. I didn't want to call the OW in my case because I felt that bringing her into "my" life would have been counter productive. My issues were with my H and I needed to keep it that way. If the OP is a new BW/BH then I can see why he or she would have these questions. When life as you know it takes a sharp turn, the best we can do to keep sane is try to make sense of it all. Understanding the other side POV helps. Now, since we don't know anything about the OP, it's hard to determine what his or her goal is. To the OP: It would help you and everyone else here if you gave us some insight. I understand what you're saying here. However the OW forum is a "support" forum. It was never meant to be "OW on display" or "Q & A" with OW. I found it personally insulting when I was questioned with generic questions as if my answer would be the same as anyone's else's answer. In addition, I didn't come to LS to help BS's get over their H affair. I came here for support and to speak with other people in a similar situation. OW are not obligated to answer anyone's questions. In fact questions such as these sound off my TMI radar. Why would a stranger want so much personal information? Almost like they're trying to identify someone. GEL
herenow Posted May 12, 2010 Posted May 12, 2010 (edited) I understand what you're saying here. However the OW forum is a "support" forum. It was never meant to be "OW on display" or "Q & A" with OW. I found it personally insulting when I was questioned with generic questions as if my answer would be the same as anyone's else's answer. In addition, I didn't come to LS to help BS's get over their H affair. I came here for support and to speak with other people in a similar situation. OW are not obligated to answer anyone's questions. In fact questions such as these sound off my TMI radar. Why would a stranger want so much personal information? Almost like they're trying to identify someone. GEL Well, if a BW comes here and asks questions it's certainly your prerogative to not answer (goes without saying I'm sure). However it is a public forum and thankfully there have been many OW's who are more than willing to have a constructive give and take with us BW's. I have had many great conversations with OW's. One of the reasons I come back here is to keep in touch (mostly through PM) with BW's AND OW's that I have met and care about. Actually GEL, I think you and I have had some good conversations. I was trying to tell the OP that he or she should give a bit if they want anything back. Edited May 12, 2010 by herenow
GreenEyedLady Posted May 13, 2010 Posted May 13, 2010 Actually GEL, I think you and I have had some good conversations. I was trying to tell the OP that he or she should give a bit if they want anything back. I agree that we have had good conversations. But we have also both been here for a long time. I have always been protective of the posters here because I remember a time when anonymity was essential. The internet makes people sloppy and forget that anonymity on the world wide web is a myth. I'm sure everyone would like to see the poster's motive in writing, although I think we all know why she's here. GEL
herenow Posted May 13, 2010 Posted May 13, 2010 (edited) I I'm sure everyone would like to see the poster's motive in writing, although I think we all know why she's here. GEL Yup, and that is why she hasn't returned. I was thinking back yesterday. I think you may have been one of the first people I met over on infidelity. I remember you lightening up the thread. I was in a very confused and painful place then and you made me feel welcome. I was a BW and you an OW. We have had our disagreements, but (as far as I can remember), we have always been civil, if not kind to each other. I know this is a TJ, but I just wanted to say that I believe we are an example of how a BW and (former) OW can disagree, but still get along. Edited May 13, 2010 by herenow
NSGurl Posted May 13, 2010 Posted May 13, 2010 I think there's a big diff between wanting to gain understanding or POV and a clearly myopic view post. Some BW/BH just want to attack, some OW/OM post seeking advice but will continue on regardless of the warnings. It takes a dose of maturity to step out of your role and be open to hearing an alternative POV.
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