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Posted

My girlfriend of 2.5 years broke up with me 7 months ago after getting a new job in Florida. She had been wanting to get married, but I would never commit (although I did love her, I wasn't sure she was the one).

 

The way she was able to just up and leave me was quite shocking. I always figured we'd have the final conversation and decide together the best way to move forward. Didn't happen.

 

We've been in touch on and off since that time. She knows I've wanted to get back with her, but she was not interested in trying....for now. She always kept the possibility of it happening, saying "I definitely could see it happen"...sometime in the future.

 

Well she started dating another guy, who after a month broke up with her. During this time she'd say she wanted to see me, but didn't want to disclose it to her boy, so we never could meet up.

 

Now she's coming home, and conveniently, wants to see me now that she's single again. She says she wants to see me as a friend, but see where it goes.

 

Here's my dilemma....do I see her with an open mind, and have no expectation? Or should I tell her that the only way I'd want to see her is if she's interested in working on a reconnection/reconcilliation?

 

I'd really like to get back with her, and I feel enough time has lapsed where I could see her without totally going back to the pining/greifing stage...but i don't really want to give her the impression that I'm her backup plan indefinitely.

 

Any advice would be greatly appreciated!

Sandiego

Posted
although I did love her, I wasn't sure she was the one

 

Elaborate please...

  • Author
Posted

I cared for her deeply, but in the depth of my gut I had an uncertainly, call it a nagging doubt. She was really good in everway, very responsible, healthy, loyal, really no baggage to speak of. I just wasn't dead-sure she was "the one". But I was interested in giving it time.

 

She wasn't quite as affectionate as me, which was still ok. Also, she could sometimes annoy me in social situations. She wasn't annoying on purpose, just her general personalilty could sometime make me roll my eyes...nothing major.

Posted (edited)
I cared for her deeply, but in the depth of my gut I had an uncertainly, call it a nagging doubt. She was really good in everway, very responsible, healthy, loyal, really no baggage to speak of. I just wasn't dead-sure she was "the one". But I was interested in giving it time.

 

She wasn't quite as affectionate as me, which was still ok. Also, she could sometimes annoy me in social situations. She wasn't annoying on purpose, just her general personalilty could sometime make me roll my eyes...nothing major.

 

That absense of something better should not have you doubting your doubts... LS would be a ghost town if more people trusted their guts before we became too involved.

 

She always kept the possibility of it happening, saying "I definitely could see it happen"...sometime in the future.

 

Translation: "Don't go too far; I may want you again."

 

Well she started dating another guy, who after a month broke up with her. During this time she'd say she wanted to see me, but didn't want to disclose it to her boy, so we never could meet up.

 

But only now wants to..? Bull$hit defined.

 

I'd really like to get back with her, and I feel enough time has lapsed where I could see her without totally going back to the pining/greifing stage...but i don't really want to give her the impression that I'm her backup plan indefinitely.

 

We all think we can 'keep our cool' but if we are still emotionally involved (you are), it is near impossible to hide.

 

Sandiego, are you even a little tired of being a second choice? Do you believe you deserve better?

Edited by sean1970
  • Author
Posted

Yes, I do deserve better. I've also decided not to see her and go full NC. Thanks sean for your advice...outside perspective is really wonderful!

 

Thank you!

SD

Posted

NP, and good for you... Hang in there man... You're doing ok...

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