He left wife and returned to end it is it true?

[torranceshipman]

This doesn't even make sense! Why on earth would he go back to his W in order to leave his W?! That is hands down the lamest line ever. Not only that, but he has had other A's that you know about. And his 'proof' that things aren't working at home? Emails/texts. In case you have forgotten, they live together, sleep together, and raise a child together. Their email/text communications constitute aout 1% of their time together. She is probably not too bothered if he gives one word answers because he is probably delivering a whole lot more to keep her happy at home.

[GreenEyedLady]

This doesn't even make sense! Why on earth would he go back to his W in order to leave his W?! That is hands down the lamest line ever. Not only that, but he has had other A's that you know about. And his 'proof' that things aren't working at home? Emails/texts. In case you have forgotten, they live together, sleep together, and raise a child together. Their email/text communications constitute aout 1% of their time together. She is probably not too bothered if he gives one word answers because he is probably delivering a whole lot more to keep her happy at home.

 

Maybe she (W) doesn't care what he does? Maybe she likes her life the way it is and is happy to turn a blind eye because she thinks he's an a** and at least she doesn't have to have sex with him?

 

Proof things aren't working at home is him leaving in the first place. Happy couples don't separate.

 

OP: You know him. What do you think?

[fooled once]

No!!!!!

Of course not and I am not covering myself she is a little girl it is a different kind of love we do not compete.

She has to be his priority but in my opinion no one most stay with someone for the kids sake no what about yourself?

 

I am from Mexico City maybe you can see I have spelling errors and maybe my grammar structure is not that good and it is common in mexico to refer to someone's daughter or son as the child the girl the boy.

 

My mother was divorced and she remarried when I was 12 and I was always the first person in her life before her husband and because I have been there as a daughter and that situation saved us lots of trouble I comprehend that she has to be the first in priority of course.

 

So no I am not mad or wishing she never was born because she is the horrible thing that is in the middle of our love or thoughts like that she is a situation (hope does not get bad interpreted) as it is a situation that I am an only daughter and my mothers only support in case his husband is dead or not around for whatever reason when she is old and I hope a man will love me despite this situation as I love and accept him with a daughter.

 

And she is not a poor little girl either she is a normal healthy girl that with the help of their parents and their common sense as mature adults can deal with the situation as lots of families do or she can drawn if they handle it badly

 

Yes, people do divorce.

 

But this is not a man who is going to divorce. So in 2 months, when he is still with his wife, and has given you a new timeline....you will be even more invested and not willing to end things because he will have had 2 more months to convince you how he is going to leave.

 

he is a serial cheater.

 

His wife stays - and that isn't our business why. She is the one married to him. She is the one who is the mother of his child. What THEY choose to do as a family is their business. For whatever reason, they have chosen to stay married.

 

I will always go back to -- if he wanted to be with you, he would be. He has NO reason to get a divorce because you are happily accepting of his marriage and not saying "NO" to being the OW. You are willing to take whatever little bit of time you can with him.

 

I also find it very disheartening that you say whatever free time he has, he spends with you. This is NOT the sign of a good dad. If he travels as much as you say, you would think this guy would want to spend that time with his child - especially if he is supposedly leaving.

 

But since in my view, he isn't leaving - he I guess has decided to NOT spend time with his child, but instead with his mistress.

 

Don't you find this behavior appalling? You yourself talked about your mom and the men in her life and how you felt she put your relationship with her above her men, yet you pick a guy who doesn't do that. Between traveling and you, how much time does he even spend with his child? Not much from my view.

 

Is he American or does he live in Mexico too?

 

You also may have heard a conversation he had with his wife (and how sick is that to have you on speaker phone when he talked to his wife...and how do you not know that the wife didn't realize he had her on speaker phone)?

 

Do you not think what he is doing to his wife is abusive? You think the wife is abusive, but what about HIS behavior????

 

Last questions - If he 'moves out', where is he going to go? To your house - 2 hours away from his child? How long has this gone on? And does his wife know he is still sneaking around behind his back?

Edited May 12, 2010 by fooled once

[piscis]

We are both from Mexico City.

He lives 2 hours away from his house which is common here in the biggest city in the world because her family (sisters, dad, brothers) live there and as he is not here that often I do not know why or when or how they decided that was the best option in case she needed something and he was not around.

 

I can not judge of course their R I can just tell what I see or listen or what I am told.

He asked for his vacations months ago because they were taking the girl to the beach he got the vacations and then he stayed and mother and daughter went alone do not know why, did not asked why.

His brother was killed in an accident he asked me to accompany him here we stay all night with the body till the other day when the funeral is taking part, I told him I did not feel it was my place to be, he asked me to be there so I did all night, the other day, his wife never called (I had his phone), never appeared which is extremly wired in a culture like ours where we adore and make big deal when people past away.

 

I told him he should look for a place near her daughter for him to be near the main point here is that he has not even think about it I mean I have a plan in case he moves out I think where to live, things to buy, going to a lawyer and he is indeed not moving because he says he needs to have peace in his mind first oooooo!!!!! he is never leaving and I know it in my heart he wont and when I am writing this I am realizing it.

He wants his W realize he is not leaving because of another woman but because their R is bad, she has realized it, she knows it and she preferes to stay, as he does, he wants the girl to see that mummy and daddy are not happy anymore so she can understand that is better for them to separate but how on earth is he going to to that, is it that clear for every of you but me???

Edited May 13, 2010 by piscis

[norajane]

I mean I have a plan in case he moves out

 

Right, YOU have a plan, because you are so focused on this man and want him so badly.

 

HE does not have a plan. And during the 11 YEARS he was cheating on his wife, he never made a plan to leaver her. In fact, during that time, he had a daughter with his wife. She's 7 now, and HE still has made no plan to leave.

 

Time for you to move on and stop seeing him. If he's ready to leave his wife in two months, he knows how to reach you then. If he's not ready in two months, it's because he never will.

 

Don't put your life on hold based on the marital decisions of a serial cheater and his wife. It's YOUR life to live. Why are you giving him and his wife all this power over YOUR life?

[fooled once]

I agree with Norajane.

 

YOU are making HIS plans for HIM moving...yet he isn't making any of them. Just because you make them doesn't mean they will happen.

 

He is not leaving.

 

We can all see that...hopefully you will too.

 

But I bet by summer, he is still there, you are still waiting and nothing has changed except you make excuses and continue to wait.

[piscis]

It is true I have a plan I have thought in scenarios and how to deal with things he has not done anything like that I mean by now he should be making arrangements, thinking hardly yesterday I remember him saying me once that things will happend in the proper moment not before not after but there are sort of things like this that you can not sit and wait you can make it happen and of course he is not going to give that step.

 

Ok the M does not work so what he is there.

He wants to avoid her daughter to suffer Ok she is going to suffer of course every 7 year old want their parents to be together so he told me that any father would do everything to protect and avoid suffering for their children and that if he leaving his mother would cuase her pain he preferes to stay, so as he loves me so much and wants to stop thinking like that he went back to the marital home to recognize that those fears are just on his mind and that the girl is fine even if he is not there so he can have peace and from that peace take the decision on leaving because once he is sure that his daughter is going to be sad but fine he would be able to sit with her and tell her that her parents love her very much but she sees they argue all the time and it is for the best they do not keeop leaving under the same roof.

 

Aaaahhh!!! And maybe it sound crazy to you all but I see a responsable loving father that wants desperetly to be with me and is trying very hard to do the best in making this transition easy for his daughter.

 

And what about his own life, I have never asked him of course to forget about his life and have a new start with me, I am not asking him to leave the girl for good I am just asking him that if what he says is true spend the most time he can with his daughter and at the end of the day come back to the woman he says he loves and with the one he desires a life so badly.

 

I justify him all the time, he is used to be there,I do not have children how can I be so selfish to ask him to forget about what he is used to as their daily life and leaving that and start over must be hard and I always try to understand him but if he really wanted out so badly he would try to have a R with his daughter without living and sleeping with his wife.

 

And I want to believe him so badly taht he is just there trying to do the best he can to be with me.

Edited May 13, 2010 by piscis