collegemommy Posted May 10, 2010 Posted May 10, 2010 To make this as short as possible, my ex came by yesterday to see our daughter. I knew he was coming, it was planned. Not a big deal at all... I tried to avoid him while he was there. In fact, I walked into the kitchen while he and his grandmother spent time with our daughter. There were there for less than 30 minutes. My ex stated that he wants to "talk" to me about our relationship. I blew it off for the most part although I did ask if this was another one of his wonderful head games because frankly, I'm not interested. He swore to me that it wasn't the case and that he was going to end things with his girlfriend last night. I urged him to reconsider ending the relationship on Mother's Day because that's just bad karma. I also made it clear that I was not asking him to do anything because I just don't believe he wants to come back. Surprisingly he called me later that night. Nothing was really said other than he was going to find a way to end it with this girl so we can work on our relationship. Ok, whatever. So this morning he sends a couple of texts, they seem odd and distant. Finally, I just called him and stated that I was not interested in working things out. I'm not interested in the head games and told him to stop messing with me. I hung up without waiting for a response. He hasn't sent a text and he hasn't called back so I'm guessing he got the point. I feel so much better! It was completely empowering! So I just wanted to share that I'm pretty confident that I just put an end to all the crap I've been allowing...
teanoranges Posted May 10, 2010 Posted May 10, 2010 AweSome! Good for you! I love it when women are strong enough to put their foot down.. I envy you too! I broke off with my ex then went crawling back (which just gave him the pleasure of turning me down) Stick with it! Even if you start to feel funny (which might show up) please stay strong. Congratsss!!!
Author collegemommy Posted May 10, 2010 Author Posted May 10, 2010 Sadly, I already feel strange. I'm so ticked off that he hasn't even called or sent a text to acknowledge what I said. Like he doesn't care... Makes me really want to send a text or call him but I am fighting the urges like crazy. I literally just handed my phone over to a co-worker because I'm so tempted.
GrayClouds Posted May 10, 2010 Posted May 10, 2010 Sadly, I already feel strange. I'm so ticked off that he hasn't even called or sent a text to acknowledge what I said. Like he doesn't care... Makes me really want to send a text or call him but I am fighting the urges like crazy. I literally just handed my phone over to a co-worker because I'm so tempted. You playing a game. You may not realize it or mean to but you are. You you no longer want to play but then you respond to him every time or your initiating contact. You may want to let go but you are holding on. Understandable but it is keeping any progress from happening. CM what do you really want? If it is getting back together, do you know explicitly what you expect/ need for him to do? What changes in the realtionship must happen? If it is not, what should you be doing to help you heal?
Author collegemommy Posted May 10, 2010 Author Posted May 10, 2010 You playing a game. You may not realize it or mean to but you are. You you no longer want to play but then you respond to him every time or your initiating contact. You may want to let go but you are holding on. Understandable but it is keeping any progress from happening. CM what do you really want? If it is getting back together, do you know explicitly what you expect/ need for him to do? What changes in the realtionship must happen? If it is not, what should you be doing to help you heal? I've had so much time to think about this... I want to work things out with him. I was unhappy in our relationship because of what I find to be trivial things. I needed help with the kids, housework, cooking, and laundry. I work full time and go to school full time and he let me handle everything on top of my busy schedule. I didn't go out because I had tones of stuff to do all the time but yet he managed to go to the firehouse at least once a week. He also expected me to "put out" every night but he wanted me dressed up. I was too tired. I was too busy. I was overwhelmed. If he would have just helped me and shared the responsibilities, I would have been perfectly happy - which would have made him happy since I would have stopped nagging/fighting with him all the time. His biggest issue with me aside from the nagging/fighting, was that I wouldn't marry him. He asked me almost 5 years ago and I have yet to even start planning a wedding. It hurt him to think that I had no intentions of marrying him. We have different views on marriage. I don't feel the need to get married because I'm a product of divorce. To me, we were already living together and had created our own family, why the rush to marry? What would really change? He has never been around anyone divorced so he has a different perspective. He told his mother (who later told me) that not marrying him was the biggest slap in the face and the biggest insult of his life. I wounded him deeper than I care to admit... So basically he wants to find someone that appreciates him. It's not that I didn't but he needs his ego stroked much more that I could do. For example, I HATED when he would try to kiss on me when I was doing something, like cooking dinner. I would snap about it. I can still remember the wounded look in his eyes everytime I did that to him. Ugh... this whole time I've been blaming our crappy relationship on him and guess what? It's me. I was way to mean to him. I took him for granted. I never thought he would leave my side no matter what but obviously I was wrong... I mean, I'm a good, honest, and loyal woman but he had emotional needs that I just couldn't handle. So instead of taking this time to reflect what I could have done differently, I've spent all of this time looking at what he could have done differently.
Author collegemommy Posted May 10, 2010 Author Posted May 10, 2010 Oh and Gray Clouds, I agree that I am engaging/playing a game with him. I didn't see it that way but I can certainly see what I am doing. I want him to show that he cares about me. I know he does, really, but I just want him to show me. Our relationship is over though so I just need to let go. If only I knew how...
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