TopSideNasty Posted May 10, 2010 Posted May 10, 2010 I was dating this girl for several years. We were happy, or so I thought. We were best friends and great lovers. We had been living together for about a year and a half when I proposed. We told everyone and we were extremely excited about it, talking about kids and such. Well all of a sudden everything has fallen apart. A couple of weeks, she said she wanted to go home to visit some friends, that was fine with me. I convinced her to stay with me that friday night. We had some people over and had an awesome time. The next morning, we had sex a couple of times and laid around naked for hours until she finally left at about 2pm. The whole weekend, she ignored me. I tried calling her on sunday to see when she was coming home... no answer. She has had her license taken away due to DUI, so I got worried when I didn't hear from her monday. I called her, again to no avail. I was losing my mind thinking she got in an accident or even arrested. She finally shows up late late monday night, around 11pm. I got angry and and raised my voice a little, but I made it clear it was only because I was worried. She was fine, and told me that by calling her I was being "whiney" and she wasn't having it. She then informs me she is moving out. Reason - I'm too responsible, too reliable and too dependable. She also said that I do not show emotions. When I questioned how this could possibly be true (since I just yelled at her--emotion??) she said that I don't show true love. She said that if I truly loved her, when we get into fights I wouldn't try and talk about things and work them out; instead, I would throw things, break stuff and hit her (she actually said she wants me to hit her?!). After hearing this, I decided to give her some space and that she wasn't thinking clearly for some reason. Well, a couple days later I go out with some friends, get a little drunk and come home and go to sleep since she is still ignoring me. She wakes me up and starts punching me in the face, telling me I'm not allowed to sleep in the bed. Eventually she leaves the room and I go back to sleep. She comes back in and starts crying, apologizing and telling me she loves me. She asks to sleep with me and I tell her she can. In the morning I get up early and start doing some of my homework. All of a sudden her phone starts ringing, I look at it and it's a text message "Can't wait to see you and celebrate being Mr. and Mrs. ------ this weekend! I love you". I freaked out. I looked through her texts, and apparently she's engaged to another man!? I don't even know how to behave. After yelling at her, she ensures me she's only considering it and that she's not "officially" engaged to someone else yet. How am I supposed to deal with this? I don't understand. I'm hurting pretty bad. I have no idea what course of action to take. On one hand, I want her back, but on the other, I'm not sure I can be with someone who just throws me away so easily. I also don't think I can hit her or become less responsible or dependable, since I work hard to have those traits. This is incredibly long, and probably won't be read, but I needed to vent and typing to no one is better than nothing I guess. Thanks -Heartbroken
VideoKid Posted May 10, 2010 Posted May 10, 2010 I looked through her texts, and apparently she's engaged to another man!? I don't even know how to behave. After yelling at her, she ensures me she's only considering it and that she's not "officially" engaged to someone else yet. So you're engaged to her now? I don't really think there's any way round this to be honest, usually I advise on talking about things first but this is one of those situations where I'd just say kick her to the curb. "Only considering" getting engaged to someone else is not an excuse by any means, was she even planning on ending things with you first? If she's planning on getting engaged something has obviously been going on behind your back for a long time. Tell her where to go and don't look back, the trust has been broken.
Author TopSideNasty Posted May 10, 2010 Author Posted May 10, 2010 I thought we were engaged, but apparently not anymore. They apparently got engaged on that Saturday or Sunday. The thing is, the guy in question is her ex from years ago who has been in California. It's safe to say they haven't seen each other in years. I don't understand how she can throw away years of what we had after seeing someone (who treated her like crap by the way--cheating and so on) so briefly. Really makes me feel worthless... Thanks for the reply though. I really appreciate it.
VideoKid Posted May 10, 2010 Posted May 10, 2010 Ouch, I know it's hard but just think you had a lucky escape. Sometimes people don't seem to ever get over their ex, they try to move them but they're always in the back of their mind, comparing new lovers to them so nothing is ever good enough. Mine was the same, he'd dated other people, been with me longer than his ex, always claimed I was the one for him and she meant nothing but I knew if she was ever single he'd be STRAIGHT back to her, every girl he'd been with since looked just like her. It's a sad scenario of people hanging on to the past and only remembering the good times with their ex - usually when you get back together the old problems resurface and you remember WHY you split up. Don't even think about her, if she wants to go back to a cheating ex then let her.
sean1970 Posted May 10, 2010 Posted May 10, 2010 (edited) Let me make sure I have all this... DUI - Check Cheater - Check Liar - Check More baggage than a Samsonite catalog - Check Psycho - Double Check Physical abuse - Check If I have ever read a case where this needed to be said more emphatically, I don't recall it at the moment. "Get the fu<k out!!!! Don't walk, run!" I really don't mean to seem unfeeling about this but cmon man... What would you say if a buddy was telling you that? Edited May 10, 2010 by sean1970
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