MrNate Posted May 18, 2010 Posted May 18, 2010 I've skimmed through the rest of the thread, interesting, interesting. Yes, sagetalk isn't holding any double standard whatsoever. He expects the same from a partner as he expects of himself. Kudos. The problem is, a lot of men desire a woman who knows what she is doing in bed yet still want a virgin-esque 'bride', which doesn't fit. Sure, you'll get rare ladies like this, who have minimal experience and are good, but mostly, they'll just be inexperienced. Yes, women love men who are experienced. Who have skills to bring to the bedroom, who can hit the right spots without instruction. I'm sure men like the same in a woman. Is it fun to spend a night or two, or twenty ( Been there) trying to remind your partner that that isn't 'it'? I've been with an inexperienced 'lover', sure, I put up with it for three years, but after three years of teaching, and still no further forward-I gave up and now I'm not afraid to admit, I want an experienced man. I have to say, kudos to Marsle85 and sally4sara, good points raised. I see the points that men are making in this thread, but...I do wonder...and I'm posing this question to all men that seek out a woman with a low number hypothetically: You meet a woman, you date for a while, you start to fall for her, not in love, but falling all the same. You really like her, she's everything you sought in a partner-then one day, you are discussing sexual histories and such, and it turns out, she has a high number. Would you dump her right there and then? Would it make her less special to you? Would everything she made you feel about yourself and her affection for you be discredited and cheapened? I'd just like to know. And...what's a high number? You could say anything is high or too much if you really wanted to, it's all perception. How do you determine what is too high a number? Is it determined by your own number? If it's higher than your own, is that out? I totally get the preference to having someone with a low number if you yourself have a low number. But I suppose I would want to be with a guy who accepted me and wanted to be with me regardless of my past, provided I'm STD-free and not mentally unstable. I think one thing that we can understand from this thread is that women and men may just simply value different things in a partner. It may just be more a case of guys prefer more innocent girls because they just do. Maybe women prefer experience guys because they just do. I don't see the need to go into a deep psychoanalysis as to why this is, and hurl insults at one another because people don't share similar views. A lot of times preference may just simply be that..preference. Instead of getting offended over it, maybe we need to understand that everyone's view of sexuality differs. Of course there are those who don't practice what they preach, and those who do. That's just the way of the world. So a lot of times, yes, a woman can be an amazing person, but her sexual history can be enough to turn a man off. It is easy enough to go and blame the man and say "but she has all these great qualities, she's smart, beautiful, etc. and shouldn't be dropped because of her past", but how often do we stop to consider the other side? That a woman's view on sex may just be SUPER important to that man when considering long term partners? It may just be a simple case of people valuing different things. Nothing more. It may just be ultimately beneficial to find someone who shares similar ideas when it comes to sex, instead of complaining about people's preferences. I find the whole 'what is a high number anyway' question to be a tad pointless. A high number is any number at which, or above makes a guy uncomfortable to be with that woman. The same would hold true for women. In most cases it is simply an arbitrary value. There are probably very few men/women with exact numbers.
gypsy_nicky Posted May 19, 2010 Posted May 19, 2010 sagetalk and the others condemning this behavior are right, to the point that a persons sexual history is a reflection of their personality. Usually types like these have neurotic personality traits (borderline, narcissist, etc) that causes them to seek out constant sexual gratification. The other extreme type is the prude woman who detests or is abhorred by sex.
PersonMan Posted May 19, 2010 Posted May 19, 2010 You better get over it quick, because youre going to meet more and more women like her.
harmfulsweetz Posted May 19, 2010 Posted May 19, 2010 I think one thing that we can understand from this thread is that women and men may just simply value different things in a partner. It may just be more a case of guys prefer more innocent girls because they just do. Maybe women prefer experience guys because they just do. I don't see the need to go into a deep psychoanalysis as to why this is, and hurl insults at one another because people don't share similar views. A lot of times preference may just simply be that..preference. Instead of getting offended over it, maybe we need to understand that everyone's view of sexuality differs. Of course there are those who don't practice what they preach, and those who do. That's just the way of the world. So a lot of times, yes, a woman can be an amazing person, but her sexual history can be enough to turn a man off. It is easy enough to go and blame the man and say "but she has all these great qualities, she's smart, beautiful, etc. and shouldn't be dropped because of her past", but how often do we stop to consider the other side? That a woman's view on sex may just be SUPER important to that man when considering long term partners? It may just be a simple case of people valuing different things. Nothing more. It may just be ultimately beneficial to find someone who shares similar ideas when it comes to sex, instead of complaining about people's preferences. I find the whole 'what is a high number anyway' question to be a tad pointless. A high number is any number at which, or above makes a guy uncomfortable to be with that woman. The same would hold true for women. In most cases it is simply an arbitrary value. There are probably very few men/women with exact numbers. I see your point. Ultimately, it comes down to what each person is comfortable with and finding that match in another person. However, I still think it says something about the person's self-esteem if they can be so put off about a woman's sexuality. Women for centuries have had to put up with a man's sexuality, as it is their 'nature' but men are not capable of doing the same. I think women are not looking for the wrong qualities in a man, they are seeking out the qualities they like. It is what it is. No woman wants to teach someone how to get them off, when you can get someone who already knows. It's not much about preferences, for me, it's about what I will accept. I will accept a guy with a high number if he is special to me, and makes me feel special to him. I don't believe people depreciate in value with every time they have sex with a new partner. People are not cars. I'm not going to argue about preferences and such, each to their own. However, I'm slightly annoyed that someone could be so great for a person but as soon as they reveal a number, not so great. It cheapens everything. It's like saying 'it doesn't matter one iota who you are now, and what you make me feel, I disrespect you for your past.End of.' It boggles my mind. Everyone has a past. I've done many things I'm ashamed of, or not so happy with myself about, but I wouldn't want to lose someone special to me because of a past I cannot change. Similarly, I wouldn't want to lose someone simply because of a past they can't change. I think the older people get, the higher the probability of finding someone with a high number, and the more chance that you will have to accept this. Not everyone lives by the rule of 'I don't want my future husband/wife to think I'm a slut/male equivalent and so, I won't ever engage in casual sex or ONS.' People shouldn't strive to be a person concerned with ensuring they do not fail to meet a person they haven't met yet's standards. They should strive to find the person that accepts them for who they are, the past they have and the future they can create. Each person has a right to a preference, but to dump someone based on such a thing as sexual partners, is rather sad. Especially if they were great every other way. Can't people learn to deal with their own issues about things such as this rather than losing someone, making someone else feel cheap over it?
MrNate Posted May 19, 2010 Posted May 19, 2010 I see your point. Ultimately, it comes down to what each person is comfortable with and finding that match in another person. However, I still think it says something about the person's self-esteem if they can be so put off about a woman's sexuality. Women for centuries have had to put up with a man's sexuality, as it is their 'nature' but men are not capable of doing the same. I think women are not looking for the wrong qualities in a man, they are seeking out the qualities they like. It is what it is. No woman wants to teach someone how to get them off, when you can get someone who already knows. It's not much about preferences, for me, it's about what I will accept. I will accept a guy with a high number if he is special to me, and makes me feel special to him. I don't believe people depreciate in value with every time they have sex with a new partner. People are not cars. I'm not going to argue about preferences and such, each to their own. However, I'm slightly annoyed that someone could be so great for a person but as soon as they reveal a number, not so great. It cheapens everything. It's like saying 'it doesn't matter one iota who you are now, and what you make me feel, I disrespect you for your past.End of.' It boggles my mind. Everyone has a past. I've done many things I'm ashamed of, or not so happy with myself about, but I wouldn't want to lose someone special to me because of a past I cannot change. Similarly, I wouldn't want to lose someone simply because of a past they can't change. I think the older people get, the higher the probability of finding someone with a high number, and the more chance that you will have to accept this. Not everyone lives by the rule of 'I don't want my future husband/wife to think I'm a slut/male equivalent and so, I won't ever engage in casual sex or ONS.' People shouldn't strive to be a person concerned with ensuring they do not fail to meet a person they haven't met yet's standards. They should strive to find the person that accepts them for who they are, the past they have and the future they can create. Each person has a right to a preference, but to dump someone based on such a thing as sexual partners, is rather sad. Especially if they were great every other way. Can't people learn to deal with their own issues about things such as this rather than losing someone, making someone else feel cheap over it? Yeah, that's just how it is. But I stay by what I said about focusing on finding someone with similar values, instead of worrying over double stadards. Maybe I'm too laid back to care, but I really don't care about how many men a woman has been with. If there is mutual interest, and she would have no problem acknowleding me as the number one man in her life, then it would be considered. I say rather getting upset over why things are the way they are, we need to understand that it's going to take some radical change to reshape a lot of men's views on a woman being sexual. That could take years, maybe a couple decades. So I say for the mean time, (as stated earlier) it's more productive to just do our best to find someone who shares similar views across all levels. I have no idea where the double standard arose from, but I don't really worry about it. If she has the ability to stay 100% faithful and prioritize me, then I could honestly care less. Then again, maybe I'm just too laid back.
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