jimbotheitbod Posted May 10, 2010 Posted May 10, 2010 Hi everyone, I'm a newbie here, and wish I hadn't had reason to sign up and post... I am 26, 27 in a week or so, and my wife is 30 in September, we married 5 years ago, after 5 years of being together. I never really worked on our relationship, as I took it for granted that she still felt the same for me as I felt for her, my naivety just assumed that we would be together forever and that if we had trouble, I'd see the signs and have time to make it up and do something about it. all was well with the occasional argument (who doesn't?) until about 2 months or so ago, when she met someone on the Playstation, this person is in America, and it appears that they started to grow on my wife, so much so that she bought a headset to actually speak to this person. she now says that although she loves me, she doesn't feel anything when I take her to lunch, or say that i love her, or that she's beautiful. she says to me she doesn't know what she wants, that this American does make her feel special, when he says she has a lovely voice, that sort of thing... I don't know what bothers me more, the fact that this is happening, or the fact that a relationship between someone just north of London and someone 13 hours away in New Mexico can't possibly succeed in any meaningful way... I just don't want to see her hurt, to be honest, she knows nothing of this person, only what they have told her on what is essentially a phone. can anyone give me any suggestions for me, maybe to help her find what she wants, or to stop myself hurting like this. I hadn't cried in years until she laid it out for me, since then I cry at least once a day, and i have a dull ache in my chest all the time. I'm really sorry to bother everyone with this, I'm just totally lost and I don't know who to turn to...
plowman Posted May 10, 2010 Posted May 10, 2010 I am sorry to hear your situation, I just got done reading your wifes version a minute ago(are you aware shes on here too?) my wife left me 7mos. ago after a 16 yr marriage and 3 kids. The 2 older ones are with me by choice, and my 11 yr old daughter is with her. All I can tell you from what Ive learned is crying, begging, pleading, whatever, is NOT going to work. The ONLY thing that has a slight chance, is if you just move on, show her youll be ok without her,work on yourself etc. When a woman gets something like this in her head its too late, and they usually will not tell you things are that bad (I think its cause they want it to fail). I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but I was like you, thought maybe shed change her mind, wake up I even found her a place and helped her move, thinking wed have some time apart and get back together What a fool I was. I wish you luck, but she is in love with a voice on a phone, instead of working thigs out with the man she married. Shes not thinking straight, and probably wont be for a long time, if ever. can you wait that long?
Author jimbotheitbod Posted May 10, 2010 Author Posted May 10, 2010 Thanks for your reply, yes, I suggested she came on here to try and sort out her thoughts... I know you are right, and it will arguably be easier for us as there are no kids in the equasion, however it just doesnt feel right... Thanks for your thoughts! its very much appreciated!
DadofTwoGirls Posted May 10, 2010 Posted May 10, 2010 I think it's time to throw the playstation off the bridge.
reboot Posted May 10, 2010 Posted May 10, 2010 I think it's time to throw the playstation off the bridge. ^^^^ This. ^^^^
Enema Posted May 10, 2010 Posted May 10, 2010 She sounds like a loser, you should be eternally grateful there are no kids involved. It's going to be hard because you still have feelings there, but you need to focus on making a clean break and moving on. There is nothing here for you anymore, your wife has checked out of the marriage and is in a world where the grass is always greener. Even if you managed to convince her to stay, would she be there 100% in mind and body or would part of her always wonder about Captain America? She's essentially already involved in an emotional affair. Can you honestly say if the guy wasn't also in North London that she wouldn't have physically cheated by now? You only get one life, it's not worth wasting on her.
Gunny376 Posted May 11, 2010 Posted May 11, 2010 Women by definition are for the most (there are always exceptions) are prone to a fantasy life ~ and a very imaginative one at that ~ the whole Cinderella - Princes thing. My advice would be for to either have her move out, or for you to do so, go strict no contact (and we're talking running silent and running deep like a American or British sub under the polar ice cap). No phone calls, no e-mails, no texting, zilch. In short in so far as she's concerned? You've literally have falling off the face of the Earth. Give her the gift of missing you ~ and let her play out her little fantasy with the sweet talking idiot that is probally some over weight slob that's still living in his Mom's basement. I mean come on! This guy is thousands of miles away in New Mexico. I've been to New Mexico and it is beyond my basic military comprehension as to why for the Love of God anyone would want to vacation there let alone live there. Even of she got a discounted flight traveling in the cargo compartment with the pets, she's still looking at coming up with a minimum of thousands of dollars for just a one way ticket ~ to fly to God forsaken New Mexico to be with some loser that sits around playing on video games. People that live in New Mexico live there primarily because they were born and raised there. There are some that intentionally move there. With her being from the North of London? The climate change alone would be hard for her to handle. It would take a absolute minimum of three to six months just to acclimate to the weather differences, and as soon as she does. she will have to go through it again. The summers are blistering hot. and the winters are bitterly cold. As soon as the sun comes up? You want to strip down to your underwear? As soon as the sun goes down? You can't on enough clothes to keep warm. There are but two seasons in New Mexico ~ Summer and Winter. Spring and Fall last about two week. During "Summer Trops" at Marine Corps Air Station in Yuma, Arizona they day doesn't even begin until the late afternoon or evening. That's right instead of going to work at 7 or 8 in the morning? They go to work at 3 or 4 in the afternoon close to sundown. There are virtually no jobs in New Mexico for men? Let alone a woman. Unless you just luck up and get a government job. The rest are low-paying service and retail jobs. The vast majority of the population consists of illegal aliens from Mexico and Central America. And Native American Indians that live on reservations and government subsidies. The best thing you can do would be to pack up her PlayStation II and buy her a one way ticket to Albuquerque and tell her to have a nice forever the rest of your life without you! I would expect however expect a phone call in about two weeks or less begging to come back to England. Meanwhile, although I've not officially called the British embassy in Washington, D.C nor checked in with the government in London? I suspect that there's no shortage of good, attentive, caring, supportive, nurturing, loving women that would just be thrilled and tickled pink to have someone such as yourself. And if not? Then there's Wales, Scotland, New Zeland, Austrailia (where I know for a fact that the men there have a tendecey to treat women like crap!) Give her a year or two, and UKLisa might be interested in a decent, hard working, devoted chap such as yourself. What one will abuse? Another can certainly use!
jenifer1972 Posted May 11, 2010 Posted May 11, 2010 She has never seen or met this man? If so, she has become totally emersed in a fantasy world, and something will have to jar her out of this in order for you to get through to her.
LisaUk Posted May 11, 2010 Posted May 11, 2010 (edited) Erm Jim, I just read the first few lines of your post, you may want to check out the thread on here entitled what would you do? by spacysam b/c I do belive it IS YOUR WIFE POSTING right on this board! EDIT - my apologies should have read further in the thread I see you are aware she is here posting. Edited May 11, 2010 by LisaUk
Enema Posted May 11, 2010 Posted May 11, 2010 Sounds like both of you guys are omitting so much about your relationship that it's pointless giving advice. You both need to get real and be honest. atm, it just sounds like you want loveshackers to take "your" side.
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